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I just read this article about Sally Field and she said she thinks her inability to have lasting relationships is due to her lack of a good relationship with her father. And that clicked with me. As an only child, I thought my Dad was great -- he could build anything, fix anything, started his own auto repair shop, was the life of the party, everybody liked him, he would stop and help anyone who's car was broken down on the side of the road, etc. And then later I started seeing his flaws, and they were big ones. He eventually got into a lot of trouble with the law due to his poor decisions, we lost everything and he left Mom for another woman. So needless to say, my high opinion of him went down to thinking he was an idiot. And I think that has affected every relationship since then. I start off with rose-colored glasses, thinking the guy is the greatest thing since sliced bread and I love everything about him -- and then, the flaws start appearing. And eventually, I can't stand him. Unless the guy is not interested in me, and then I am madly in love with him. Anyway, I just think I have too much baggage with my father to ever be in a lasting relationship, and at this point in my 60's, I'm at peace with that.
Just move on, and quickly. This is not the guy for you. You know when you are in love, and if you're not now, then you never will be with this guy.
Actually that's the complete opposite of the mentality you want to have early on.
Lust is immediate. Love grows over time.
If you want to be single, alone, and childless in middle age then go ahead and listen to the feminist agenda. But if you want to have a loving and stable provider for the long haul then it shouldn't be too difficult to know what to look for. OP seems to have already found such a guy, which is good considering that he can be accepting of her divorce.
What does it matter if he never went to college? Maybe he's successful in business because he never went to college, not in spite of it as the current narrative would have us believe.
I suggest a full analysis of your natal astrological chart. Theres nothing for you in psychology unless you want to subject yourself to long term psychological counseling.
Are you kidding me?? Almost all counseling these days is short term in nature - seldom longer than a few months. Learn something about how the world works today outside your "charts".
Actually that's the complete opposite of the mentality you want to have early on.
Lust is immediate. Love grows over time.
If you want to be single, alone, and childless in middle age then go ahead and listen to the feminist agenda. But if you want to have a loving and stable provider for the long haul then it shouldn't be too difficult to know what to look for. OP seems to have already found such a guy, which is good considering that he can be accepting of her divorce.
What does it matter if he never went to college? Maybe he's successful in business because he never went to college, not in spite of it as the current narrative would have us believe.
After more than a dozen relationships of 1 - 4 years in duration, I think the biggest mistakes that have been made were due to wanting to be in a relationship so much that I compromised my selection criteria.
If I had to do it all over again, I would be more open to not being with anyone for extended periods of time. That's probably just my middle-aged diminished libido talking. There was 1 thing on my mind for a large portion of my teens - to mid forties.
So instead of being alone, I found myself in relationships that were doomed from the start.
You don't have to get too personal but did you suffer from abuse or trauma? Maybe you're purposely choosing mates that you know you will break up with eventually, because being close to people is frightening to you.
I started seeing a new therapist. She jumped right into exploring my childhood. Yes, i guess you can say I experienced psychological abuse from my mother and I do have a fear of attachment. I don't know know how to get over it though. I thought I was very selective when I chose my ex- he definitely had a lot of status, was presentable, accomplished, with an education, a good job, approved by everybody. He was nice and a responsible person, and I thought he was cute. Then we ended up where we did. I no longer know how to choose a partner correctly. This time I purposefully prioritized core features, related to goodness, and so forth, but I just can't feel in love with him. I don't really know what i need and that is best for me.
Also, I wish there was a formula to relationship success. I know I don't have to make any decisions now, but I was wondering how risky is it to commit to someone you don't feel head over heels about, but who, when looked at rationally, has all the qualities that are desirable in a long term partner and husband. Or is doing so a selfish and unfair thing? How do you find Mr Right?
Also, I wish there was a formula to relationship success. I know I don't have to make any decisions now, but I was wondering how risky is it to commit to someone you don't feel head over heels about, but who, when looked at rationally, has all the qualities that are desirable in a long term partner and husband. Or is doing so a selfish and unfair thing? How do you find Mr Right?
Might as well ask, "What is the meaning of life?"
It's one of those universal, unanswerable questions. People have different approaches, but there is no formula.
Also, I wish there was a formula to relationship success. I know I don't have to make any decisions now, but I was wondering how risky is it to commit to someone you don't feel head over heels about, but who, when looked at rationally, has all the qualities that are desirable in a long term partner and husband. Or is doing so a selfish and unfair thing? How do you find Mr Right?
Mr. & Mrs. "Right" do not exist. Your best bet is to realize that life isn't a damn fairy tale romance like Disney and the rest of the dual-citizen-owned media would have you believe.
Find someone who is 80-90% your ideal partner and then realize that that's pretty darn good because quite honestly that's the best any of us get. NO ONE gets that 100% perfect match. We are all our own individual entities who are not always going to see eye-to-eye on every issue, and you're not going to find any individual who's manerisms and personality are 100% perfect to your liking.
Society these days wants people to have super high expectations, and then we wonder why women end up in their 30s unmatched and childless. Lower your expectations just a tiny bit. I'm not saying to date thugs and losers or drug addicts and whatnot (girls who date those guys have issues themselves), but find a guy who's decent.
Oh, and by the Mr. Almostright won't come pre-packaged with a face like Leonardo DiCaprio, 6'3" with bulging muscles, a 200k/year job, charming personality, no baggage, the perfect level of education, and none of the habits that annoy you.
But you CAN find someone who's pretty darn great and has their stuff together. Ladies take note.
Mr. & Mrs. "Right" do not exist. Your best bet is to realize that life isn't a damn fairy tale romance like Disney and the rest of the dual-citizen-owned media would have you believe.
Find someone who is 80-90% your ideal partner and then realize that that's pretty darn good because quite honestly that's the best any of us get. NO ONE gets that 100% perfect match.
Big thumbs up. The myth of the "soul mate" has totally screwed up relationships in this culture. When we commit to someone in a relationship, it's not because we love them and have found the Right One, it's because we're promising to love them -- even when they're unloveable.
The seeker for Mr./Ms. "Right" feels that initial flush of attraction then when the chemical rush wears off, he/she decides that mustn't have been the Promised One and moves on to the next relationship. The lyrics of Jackson Browne's "Farther On" sums it up:
... Adrift on an ocean of loneliness
My dreams like nets were thrown
To catch the love that I'd heard of
In books and films and songs
Now there's a world of illusion and fantasy
In the place where the real world belongs ...
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