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I have a 58 yr old sister that lives in another Port St. Lucie, Florida and for the last 20 years has been unable to 'function' in society. Can anyone give me some clues what her condition might be ?
She graduated college as an architect was moderately social but never dated. After college she lasted a couple of years in her field but then began to have anger issues and lost her job. She got a job as a teacher but her anger issues lost her that job too.
She bought a house with the help of my parents but over a few years became so withdrawn that communication was impossible. In person or by phone she would argue about anything and withdraw. She has been on SSDI for the last 15 years and she barely makes it. Phone conversations are lucky to be a minute long at best before she has to go.
About 10 years ago she began rambling in guttural sounds and sounds crazy. My parents paid off her house but she doesn't take care of it or herself. She has smoked cigarettes for the last 15 years also. She was never into drugs or alcohol. Oddly, every birthday she sent me a card with a short but nice note. I tried writing her a very nice letter asking her how she is and what interests her and she replied with a short note with the last sentence saying "Due to our last incident I'm going to just end it here". The only thing I can think of is an argument we had 20 years ago. I was hoping that she could break through on paper without speaking and then we could begin a new dialog that way but it seems to not be working atm.
So........I'm wondering what type of mental illness this could be. She is unable to speak to anyone and I mean anyone without an argument within 2 sentences, she makes random verbalizations like a mad woman and is frightening.
I know she is trapped inside this horror and can't find her way out and I don't know that there is a way out but if there is I want to help. There is no way I could get her to a doctor on her own atm.
Thank you for any help. This girl deserves a much better life than she has.
...her Brother
Oh thai..you are in a tough situation. If she doesn't want to communicate with you, and you live too far away, there are not many options. She is on SSDI, so apparently she can function enough to manage her daily living activities. Go to stores, feed herself, not burn her house down.
Does she have any friends or neighbors at all who you can talk to once in a while? Anybody?
I would say, for now, just keep writing occasionally. At least she responds..even if it is abrupt. Does she not use the internet at all? She is not homeless and on the street at least.
She definitely needs evaluated, but no one can force it on her unless it is a medical intervention. Or a police involved intervention.
Thank you for the reply. She is the same with everyone, my Mother and my Brother and anyone else. She has no friends and does not talk to neighbors. She does function and manage her daily life but my mother just moved from there last week at age 87 to live near my brother in Atlanta and she and my brother went by to see her and they said the house and she both looked horrible. We don't know how she gets to the store as she has no car. My mother, brother and I are all on the same page as to her state and we all feel helpless.
They had money from selling things during the move and they made her take it (she doesn't accept charity either). But I'm glad they got her to take it. Money will not solve her problem though. I just hate to think the next time I see her will be her funeral.
She has no internet either. I'm wondering how often to write and what to put in the letters. Example:
Do you want me to write you again ?
1. Yes
2. No
I'm guessing that is way too confrontational but I want my letters to be something that can try to move her forward so I'm open to ideas. I really don't want to give up on her.
Are there any ideas in terms of mental illness of what type this might be? I'd like to read more on it if possible. It progressively got worse gradually through her 30's and has never gotten better.
Thanks.
Nah. Just write two times a month. Even IF she doesn't reply.... if something is returned to sender, as "undeliverable", or, she HAD replied...and in the future ..ceases to reply. then call her local PD and request a Welfare Check. Keep any and all of this information in a file folder, in case you need to send any of it to Social Workers or PD's. Photo-copied of course.
Thanks, Do I just write about me or do I reflect on our times as kids? She doesn't seem to engage so I don't feel comfortable asking about her. Any ideas what I should write about ?
Also, is there a mental illness that fits this type of behavior ?
I would just say "hello, I hope you are doing well. I am here if you need me."
Hopefully others here could suggest something. I have 2 estranged older sisters myself. The one I kind of have some idea why, but the other one....not so much. They refuse to communicate, or say hello when i drive the 1K miles to town to see our dad, who is 91 next month.
So, Dad just updates me sometimes.
The problem is..you can't force these people to go to the doctor. I have a half brother that has a mental disease and its horrible. He won't go to the doctor at all! I have concluded that he either has diss-associtaive personality disorder, or some sort of other personality disorder. He has a few personalities... A nice, A mean, and a crazy one... its scary ..I moved out of state and he followed me but finally just went back to our home state. It is hard for him to keep job for a long time. .... form what I understand. You can go in front of a judge with two family members and request a mental evaluation . They will force them .
I'm sorry about your half brother. It's so hard to help.
I think forcing might be the only way but I don't know if a judge would side with us. She is clearly unable to communicate with anyone in a 'normal' way. Anyone have clues what kind of illnesses manifest like the symptoms she has ?
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