Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My wife and I are both 32. In the last two or three years, most of our married friends and acquaintances (all of whom are around our age) have had kids.
It's left me feeling as if we're falling a little behind.
My wife is a middle school teacher. After dealing with those unruly kids all day, she wants nothing more than to come home and unwind. (Someone at a kid's party we went to recently said that teaching is the best form of birth control.) I have a regular 9-5 job that isn't too stressful.
Interestingly, my wife and I seem to be going in different directions as far as having kids. I was ambivalent at one point and she couldn't wait to have them. Now I'm the one who seems more interested in having children. I often ask her if seeing pictures of our friends with their babies gives her something of an itch to have one, but she says no -- at least not yet.
Aside from her stressful job, she says she doesn't feel she's ready. She wants to lose weight and get healthier (she takes meds for high blood pressure, thyroid, and PCOS). She is also trying to pay down her sizeable debt, which I'm helping her do.
She estimates she'll feel more comfortable -- financially and health-wise -- to start trying in the next year or so. She is conscious of the fact she isn't getting any younger and has expressed that, given her age and health issues, she's not entirely sure if she'll even be able to get pregnant.
I can't shake off this nagging feeling that everyone is moving on to that next stage of starting a family while we're stuck in "married without kids" land.
I know that people have their own lives and I shouldn't care about what others are doing. It's just hard when you get invited to family get-togethers where you're the only child-free couple and are asked if children are on the horizon.
Society makes you feel as though you're failing somehow. The last thing I want to do, however, is put pressure on my wife. That wouldn't be fair to her.
You need to learn to accept what you have in life not what others have or don't have. You get to sleep in on Saturdays and Sundays....NO ONE with a toddler EVER gets to sleep in....well unless they want the house destroyed.
Find some folks who don't have kids and hang out with them. You may end up with 5 kids or no kids. Your wife does have some health issues which will pose challenges.
There's absolutely NOTHING wrong with being married and not having kids! I've been married for over 20 years and never had children. That wasn't the plan, but Mother Nature had other ideas. So I have gotten to sleep in on weekends for years! I've watched family and friends struggle trying to take care of their kids and have lives. Some were successful....most weren't. Life frequently became ALL about the kids as it should since they're children.
You are assuming you'll have grandchildren. Unfortunately you have no control over you're kids choices to have kids. You can have a kid at 30 and then your kid might wait till they are 40 or if you have a son they might have kids in their 50s and you'll still be in your 70's or 80's when you have grandkids. A lot of people don't live to see their 70's. There are so many variables that thinking about things like this that are way beyond your control are pointless.
My parents have 3 adult children and 0 grandchildren. We're all 37 and older. 2 of us are married. 1 is in a long term relationship. They won't have grandchildren. My mom had a really hard time with this, but she's learning she has to accept it. It is what is.
Why are you reposting this again? I suspect you will get the same answers as you did on the other board where you were upset about your wife's lack of ambition. I think it would be better to seek marital counseling at this point.
Why are you reposting this again? I suspect you will get the same answers as you did on the other board where you were upset about your wife's lack of ambition. I think it would be better to seek marital counseling at this point.
oh maaaan. And I just wanted to post how lovely he sounds and madly in love. But then I looked at the other thread. Same guy. Just different wording so he doesn't get called out on it as fast.
I've read your other posts too, Wordsmith12. You may love your wife. That's great! But it takes more than love to be happy in a marriage. You're both young. Counseling will give you the tools to sort through your issues and start fresh with someone who has the same dreams and goals in life.
My wife and I are both 32. In the last two or three years, most of our married friends and acquaintances (all of whom are around our age) have had kids.
It's left me feeling as if we're falling a little behind.
My wife is a middle school teacher. After dealing with those unruly kids all day, she wants nothing more than to come home and unwind. (Someone at a kid's party we went to recently said that teaching is the best form of birth control.) I have a regular 9-5 job that isn't too stressful.
Interestingly, my wife and I seem to be going in different directions as far as having kids. I was ambivalent at one point and she couldn't wait to have them. Now I'm the one who seems more interested in having children. I often ask her if seeing pictures of our friends with their babies gives her something of an itch to have one, but she says no -- at least not yet.
Aside from her stressful job, she says she doesn't feel she's ready. She wants to lose weight and get healthier (she takes meds for high blood pressure, thyroid, and PCOS). She is also trying to pay down her sizeable debt, which I'm helping her do.
She estimates she'll feel more comfortable -- financially and health-wise -- to start trying in the next year or so. She is conscious of the fact she isn't getting any younger and has expressed that, given her age and health issues, she's not entirely sure if she'll even be able to get pregnant.
I can't shake off this nagging feeling that everyone is moving on to that next stage of starting a family while we're stuck in "married without kids" land.
I know that people have their own lives and I shouldn't care about what others are doing. It's just hard when you get invited to family get-togethers where you're the only child-free couple and are asked if children are on the horizon.
Society makes you feel as though you're failing somehow. The last thing I want to do, however, is put pressure on my wife. That wouldn't be fair to her.
My only comment is that it's really nice to have kids the same age as the kids your friends have. Having a 1 year old when your friends' kids are 7-8 means you won't hang out much with those friends (clearly, you can make new friends... it's just something I wanted to point out).
Op, can you become healthy with your wife and do whatever she do. Go to the gym, see a dietitian, do this as a team. Even if you don't need to, just do it with her. That way she won't feel alone. Also, tell her you want to have children with her one day but that you understand the importance of losing weight first and you will be there for her and support her along the way.
32 is not bad. I was 29 with baby number 1. 37 with baby number 2.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
