Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I am insignificant compared to certain other people. Why should that matter? I don't resent the success of others. I was born with the ability I have and I made the life decisions that put me where I am.
Yes, but most of us do the best we can with what we have.
I went to high school with a guy that is a serial tech entrepreneur and probably worth well into the eight figures by 30. He may very well be pushing much higher than that. He owns multiple houses - one with multiple acres on the Tennessee River, a huge fabrication shop, etc. I'm pretty insignificant compared to someone like that.
In some ways you remind me of myself. I tend to be a "watcher", not a performer. I don't stand out in a group. I'm not a performing seal, the stage star, or the office golden child, but I am intrigued by those who are, partly because they are so alien. But, because I tend to be quieter and watch others, I often pick up on things they miss. I may not fill a meeting with brilliant conversation, but once in a while I can sum up a lot of verbiage with a few key comments that startle others. People often tell me they feel they can come to me with ideas, that I am a good listener, that they trust me or feel comfortable working with me. I would much rather be the "glue" that holds a group to task than the charismatic leader who is all "surface" and no intuition.
I also think there is so much emphasis these days on being the standout; the most aggressive, the highest achiever, the most competitive. If you don't measure up there is something deficient about you. Everyone seems to want that driven star who "takes it to the next level" (Gosh I hate that overhashed phrase!). Those people can also be brittle, demanding, impatient, insufferable, vain, unhappy, selfish, and superficial. I would rather have a private life that brings me a quieter peaceful type of joy instead of a public one. Maybe because I've "settled" for it. Maybe not. Can't really change it now, so I won't bother trying. You'll know when something rings true for you. You just have to be listening for it.
Yes, that definitely sounds a lot like me, especially the part about being able to sum up a lengthy discussion in a few words. (I applied for several editorial jobs when I was job hunting.) I've never cared to be the center of attention, and would much rather lead a fairly quiet lifestyle. And as I said before, most of the time I'm okay with that.
I know there are always going to be people who are more driven and as such have more fulfilling/interesting/exciting lives. This only seems to bother me when it's rubbed right in my face by people I'm close to, otherwise I tend not to think about it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation
Yes, but most of us do the best we can with what we have.
I went to high school with a guy that is a serial tech entrepreneur and probably worth well into the eight figures by 30. He may very well be pushing much higher than that. He owns multiple houses - one with multiple acres on the Tennessee River, a huge fabrication shop, etc. I'm pretty insignificant compared to someone like that.
This is where comparing oneself to others would definitely be a bad idea. I have a few relatives who have had amazing careers, and yet I'm told they didn't all make out so well in the end, so the grass is not always greener.
I'm not a Type A personality who does tons of stuff and then tells everyone about it. For example, after a brief time on Facebook I decided I just did not want to take the time to "curate" my life for others. I didn't want to do special stuff or pick out the most special stuff I'd done and then take the perfect selfie showing me and it in the best possible light! How exhausting! There's no way I'm cool enough to keep that going!
I don't do a lot of "extra" stuff - or stuff I consider "just keeping busy". I have no desire to lead a hectic, cram one more thing in, kind of life. And I've accepted that I won't be able to talk to people very easily if that's what they do - I can't compare, and I don't want to. I have my occasional outings and trips and enjoy what I do without feeling like I'm missing out on the things others appear to do and enjoy. I don't like humblebraggers complaining about how busy they are...
It may take you some time to get to a comfortable place, but however you are is fine - really!
I'm actually very familiar with the mantra "don't compare yourself to other people," however I usually think of it in a different context.
It's not my mantra, it's a logical philosophical conclusion I came to accept.
Quote:
Originally Posted by michael917
As in, a person is learning something new and feeling inferior because the next person over is so much better.
The only reason a person feels inferior to someone who is brighter or more talented is due to low self image. Once you come to realize that your self worth is not dependent on anyone but you, yourself and you, this ceases the feelings of inferiority when you encounter another person who you view highly...instead you feel inspired and excited to be around them. I can't imagine ever feeling inferior in the presence of my Astrophysicist hero's Neil Degrasse Tyson or Lawrence Krauss. Instead I would feel honored to be in their presence.
Quote:
Originally Posted by michael917
I guess I just feel disheartened when my friends gush about various people they know who spend lots of their free time doing things that I consider hard work, and actually enjoy it.
Different strokes for different folks. You see what they love to do as hard work...they see it as fun and enjoyment. OK why would this bother you? *shrug*
Quote:
Originally Posted by michael917
It somehow makes me think I'm not the sort of person my friends admire (which is silly).
Perhaps ask your friends who they admire? I had a mentor when I was very young who always told me: If you want to improve yourself or become a better more successful person, hang around others who are just a tad more evolved then you on these levels and learn from them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by michael917
The other thing is, I seem to have a tough time finding new/interesting things to try.
I think if you are a naturally inquisitive and curious mind then, you will always be looking for new and interesting things to learn and try.
Quote:
Originally Posted by michael917
Some people I know seem to bounce from one interesting hobby to another without really trying, but that doesn't really happen to me.
Sounds like they are genuinely curious and interested in learning new things.
Quote:
Originally Posted by michael917
The last really enjoyable class I took had no follow-up. It ran for two months, and I'd have loved to do something more with it, but nothing else was ever offered.
Life is all about what you yourself make it. You are in control of your life's journey...it's up to you how that journey plays out.
All in all, my life has been pretty good. I have a decent job and spend as much free time as possible doing things I enjoy. And yet, every once in a while I hear about the things other people do in their spare time and it makes me feel somewhat insignificant by comparison.
I sometimes hear of guys who build complex electronic gadgets for fun, which helps them develop skills that can advance their careers. Or people who build things in their workshops that they can actually use, or give to others as gifts. Or others who take online classes just for the heck of it, in topics that are somehow relevant to their jobs.
I'm not knocking these people -- I truly admire them. However, I don't have those skill sets not do I have any interest in learning them. The things I enjoy doing will never advance my career or bring joy to other people, and sometimes I feel bad about that. But then again, why should anyone feel bad about enjoying his/her life in whatever way works for them?
I work in the world of science and engineering, where knowledge and raw intellect counts for everything. So sure I am intimidated by someone who has a very high knowledge level of advanced calculus or physics that will clearly always exceed mine. Even though it can be intimidating, I have always tried to work around people like that - because you learn a lot more from them.
People who have hobbies that others "gush" about or that we might call sexy grab our attention. If we give those hobbies or the attention they draw more than a passing thought, we almost always make a comparison. One where we're bound to feel less than. It's the classic matter of comparing your ordinary day their highlight reel. So avoiding those comparisons is ideal, and with discipline it can be done.
What you're describing is envy, michael917. You're making a social comparison with a relevant person (someone real and in your life as opposed to a celebrity) and you want what they have. Envy is a nasty emotion, especially the malignant kind where we try to take what the other person has or we sabotage or denigrate it. Yours seems pretty benign so it's not harming anyone except possibly you.
Envy can be uncomfortable to feel, but it can be looked at as a signal, however. You notice and admire these qualities in other people. Maybe you want some of that attention or admiration for yourself. Maybe you want the fulfillment the people who do more creative or productive things with their free time feel. Wanting those things is normal.
Maybe take a closer look at these feelings and determine whether they're trying to tell you something about some unmet need. If you think they are, then think about emulating the people you admire and who others seem to admire also. If you conclude that the feelings are more of a distraction than a sign, then accept that they may emerge from time to time, learn to accept and process them, and get back to the life you enjoy.
Yeah, all the time, OP! LOL. I feel inferior to just about everyone, though I've done stuff they could only dream about. Thing is, those are not things valued by society. Like, living like the Unibomber, LOL, or flying planes------not anything valued by today's "evaluators".....
I love the Retirement Forum, but if I had never gone there, I would still be in my fog of thinking we had done well in our retirement! LOL. Ignorance IS BLISS.
When I am in a club or bar and, there are a dozen or so scattered males who are like 6'6" 250lbs+ and decently built. I'm not small, 6' 210lbs but, I feel small in that environment and I think, "S--t, if I were a woman I would pick some of them over me."
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
