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I recently watched an old clip of the late actor Marlon Brando being interviewed on the Dick Cavett talk show in the 1970s, and in this particular clip he and Cavett were discussing acting ability.
Cavett was marveling at Brando's acting ability and stated that he (Cavett) could never do what Brando did (acting) so effectively on camera. Brando disagreed and stated that what he (Brando) did on screen was no different from what the average person does on a day-to-day basis to navigate the social world. Brando stated that we all lie and deceive daily as a means of social survival and that we couldn't survive a day without our ability to lie and deceive. According to Brando, we lie by saying things we don't truly mean, or by hiding things we truly do mean, or by adopting personas and mannerisms that are false. Brando further stated that we do this almost reflexively and are engaged in this constant self-editing process whereby we adjust our actions, our words, and our mannerisms in response to social stimuli in order to achieve the best possible result, often times in direct contrast to our inner thoughts, beliefs, and feelings.
I was startled by Brando's frankness and openness regarding human social behavior. And it got me thinking about my own life. I realized that I do on a daily basis much of what Brando described, mainly for social convention/polite reasons, but often times for egotistical or self-serving needs (i.e, wanting to impress, wanting to make a good impression, etc.). I have always considered myself an honest person overall and one with a strong moral compass, but maybe I'm not as honest as I used to think, because I do often times wear a false face.
Do you believe that we are, in fact, liars who have to lie on a regular basis as a means of social survival? Could we survive without the ability to lie and deceive, at least on occasion?
I recently watched an old clip of the late actor Marlon Brando being interviewed on the Dick Cavett talk show in the 1970s, and in this particular clip he and Cavett were discussing acting ability.
Cavett was marveling at Brando's acting ability and stated that he (Cavett) could never do what Brando did (acting) so effectively on camera. Brando disagreed and stated that what he (Brando) did on screen was no different from what the average person does on a day-to-day basis to navigate the social world. Brando stated that we all lie and deceive daily as a means of social survival and that we couldn't survive a day without our ability to lie and deceive. According to Brando, we lie by saying things we don't truly mean, or by hiding things we truly do mean, or by adopting personas and mannerisms that are false. Brando further stated that we do this almost reflexively and are engaged in this constant self-editing process whereby we adjust our actions, our words, and our mannerisms in response to social stimuli in order to achieve the best possible result, often times in direct contrast to our inner thoughts, beliefs, and feelings.
I was startled by Brando's frankness and openness regarding human social behavior. And it got me thinking about my own life. I realized that I do on a daily basis much of what Brando described, mainly for social convention/polite reasons, but often times for egotistical or self-serving needs (i.e, wanting to impress, wanting to make a good impression, etc.). I have always considered myself an honest person overall and one with a strong moral compass, but maybe I'm not as honest as I used to think, because I do often times wear a false face.
Do you believe that we are, in fact, liars who have to lie on a regular basis as a means of social survival? Could we survive without the ability to lie and deceive, at least on occasion?
Whether we like it or not, we are liars, unfortunately... For many reasons that I am not going to go into.
This varies tremendously from person to person, OP. Some people are quite focussed on making a good impression, as you state. They may exaggerate their skills or job history, or phrase experiences so that they sound much more significant than they were, "borrow" quotes from other people, presenting them as their own, to appear brighter than they are, and so forth. Some people really work it. Others are more laid back and "real". Some go around with a mask on, others are more genuine. Individual personality, as well as cultural background, make a big difference.
So I wouldn't make a generalization across the board, at all. It really is not necessary to lie on a daily or weekly basis, to get by in social situations. Brando's "frankness and openness"? I call it "Brando's cynicism". Not my cup of tea.
Generally speaking I don’t say anything I don’t mean,I don’t need to go out of my way to make a good impression or impress anyone, and my work speaks for itself. Not saying there haven’t been times where I may have fibbed a bit (white lies) but I agree with Ruth ,best not to generalize across the board. Brando may be making the same mistake a lot of people do in that they assume because they think that way then so must everyone else.
I do think people hide a lot of things about themselves and hide feelings.
Many people hide loneliness, emotional upset, longing, desires, needs, weaknesses.
"Many people" is not everyone, though. It isn't necessarily even "most people". I think most of us have had the experience, for example, when you run into someone who's refreshingly open and frank, even to the point of openly admitting foibles, that make you laugh out of recognition of your own fears or weaknesses. People who are unabashed about being upfront and "out there" with who they are. You can cultivate a circle of such people. You can make that your predominant reality. Just saying; some of this is about personal choices. Most of it, probably.
I do think people hide a lot of things about themselves and hide feelings.
Many people hide loneliness, emotional upset, longing, desires, needs, weaknesses.
I don’t know that I always view those things as hiding, we are not obligated to be an open book or announce every detail of our lives. I suppose however that hiding can be a form of lies by omission if in fact their feelings are negatively impacting others and they won’t be honest about what’s going on. I find it difficult to be around emotional liars, you know those people who smile in your face but resent you or are angry or jealous and then badmouth you or try to undermine you to others. I caught out a friend doing this and that was the end of our friendship.
Yes, everyone lies. Even something more subtle like answering "Oh, just fine!" when someone asks you how you are, and you just found out your husband is talking to an 18-year-old on a porn hub, meanwhile you found a lump in your breast that morning, technically is a lie.
We lie because we think we have "reasons" - "good job!" to a kid who's failing miserably, "no problem" to a boss asking us to stay late on New Year's Eve, "you look great" to a friend who looks pretty bad, "oh, my phone must have been off" to your MIL...or serious stuff...like people who cheat, steal...there are all sorts of lies, but they're still all lies and we believe we have a reason.
OFTEN that reason is a social reason. We are all forced to live in close quarters and as such, a degree of "lying" is essential in order to keep the peace. There are other reasons too. We may lie because we're afraid someone won't love us...or hire us. We may lie to try to bolster ourselves, hence we exaggerate (still a lie) our capabilities. We may lie to get out of having to do something hard or just annoying.
And of course there are some people who go all the way the other way, toward literal sociopathy where they simply don't understand or care that they're hurting someone else.
But in between there are the rest of us who lie all day long without even realizing it. "You're welcome to stay for coffee," "no problem, you can have my seat," "I'm feeling under the weather...can't make it," "I'd love to help you but I'm REALLY busy right now," "I'm doing dandy!'...etc. etc. etc.
"Many people" is not everyone, though. It isn't necessarily even "most people". I think most of us have had the experience, for example, when you run into someone who's refreshingly open and frank, even to the point of openly admitting foibles, that make you laugh out of recognition of your own fears or weaknesses. People who are unabashed about being upfront and "out there" with who they are. You can cultivate a circle of such people. You can make that your predominant reality. Just saying; some of this is about personal choices. Most of it, probably.
To some extent, it is not only most people, but everyone (excluding only those who aren't cognitively capable of self-awareness). Everyone with self-awareness has some kind of filter. And 'having a filter' implies 'not always being completely honest'. The last thing any of us wants is to out ourselves as vulnerable in front of people who may take advantage of those vulnerabilities. That's why people are lauded even for speaking out about being victims of abuse that occurred decades earlier--because they're admitting vulnerability, to themselves first and foremost and then also to the world at large. Why does it take so long for allegations to surface, in so many instances? Why aren't accusations made instantaneously? Because reality is too difficult to deal with.
We're all around people that we aren't necessarily close enough to that they need or want to hear every bit of the unvarnished truth. I'm not going to tell anyone at work about my husband's affair or my bout with cancer. They can't help me because they don't know me and them knowing might ultimately hurt me by putting me in a bad position. And there's really no reason for them to know. It's not me being deceptive - I'm being selective. Otherwise you run the risk of giving TMI to people who don't give a crap about you anyway- especially if it means you exposing a weakness they might end up exploiting.
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