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I honestly and truly like to have online discussions with interesting people (I like to do it in person as well). As we all know (and you can see from the politics forum), the internet is full of trolls who either intentionally stir things up or they're just such sanctimonious *******s, that they stir things up anyways.
I try really hard to let things go most of the time, but when someone acts me personally, especially in a chat where my name is known (facebook), I feel this urge to defend myself. I find that I usually don't return the insults, but either ask them questions trying to get them to clarify their condescending comments or I mock them.
I know I should just let it go, but I have an ego. I'm working on it and I've reduced the amount of political conversations I have online cuz I know how they're all going to go. But sometimes I'm really looking for an interesting political debate with people I agree or disagree with, but it always goes sideways because of one person.
My questions:
1. Why do people think it's okay to be so cruel to each other online (even in non-anonymous social media like facebook)?
2. How do you control your ego when someone attacks you personally?
1. Why do people think it's okay to be so cruel to each other online?
They have the mistaken belief that their ID will remain anonymous for the rest of their lives and those of their descendents. Online quotes are like tattoos.
2. How do you control your ego when someone attacks you personally?
Nice post/good topic. This just happened to me in the Retirement forum; out of the blue on a funny, pleasant thread another poster accused me of playing the victim. After one initial response, and a nasty response back, I decided to stop the dialogue on my side.
#1: People are cruel because they enjoy inflicting pain, don't care, and something you wrote pushed their buttons. It's frequently not even about you--it's about them, entirely. Thus, the inadvisability of responding in kind; it does no good, serves no purpose, and you can't win.
#2: Control can come from self-monitoring your internal monologue and a refusal to be manipulated. I guess you want to just be aware of feeling threatened but not act on it.
The very best, rational arguments will not affect an irrational person bent on destruction. Better to ignore them and spend your time more effectively.
Last edited by KaraZetterberg153; 03-03-2018 at 06:35 AM..
1) There is less accountability behind a keyboard. FTR I would block someone who insulted me non-anonymously on FB. That's ridiculous.
2) Responding to them gives them control over you. You are proving that they got to you. Ignoring them is the best way to "get back" at them.
Yeah, I block the rude ones on FB, too, and it's nice because once you do that they're totally gone. And I can literally feel my blood pressure go down. On CD you can still see their names, unfortunately.
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I think you have to define trolls here.
I no longer respond to first time posters who post a very well-written but controversial topic. I check their profile and if they haven't returned since the moment they wrote the post, I click back out and that's that. Trolls.
But I will post to someone who just has a very controversial opinion and might be a little rough in stating it.
And no one ever - ever - posts anything at all unflattering on my facebook page and vice versa.
Someone who disagrees with you in an online discussion is not necessarily a troll.
Someone who disagrees with you in an online discussion is not necessarily bullying you.
I don't think the OP is claiming this, but it bears noting, nonetheless.
As far as engaging with obvious trolls, it is very context-dependent, for me.
Someone who disagrees with you in an online discussion is not necessarily a troll.
Someone who disagrees with you in an online discussion is not necessarily bullying you.
I don't think the OP is claiming this, but it bears noting, nonetheless.
As far as engaging with obvious trolls, it is very context-dependent, for me.
This! All day this! I don't think people understand what a true "troll" is...
I see it all the time here from adults..."I'm being bullied". No. They disagree with you. That's not bullying. This isn't grade school.
Some people need to look within if they are constantly being "bullied" or "trolled".
Unfortunately some definition of trolling is subjective.
However, my ultimate definition is a refusal to acknowledge certain widely observed consistencies or "facts".
When someone begins to write a narrative online that 90% of people both ON and OFFLINE do not experience that is when I deem that person a troll. It is not even worth playing devil's advocate with them for the sake of entertainment, because they are unhinged and PURO LOCO.
For example, people who believe REAL unemployment is low and ignore the U-6 rate. I'll tolerate those who don't believe it's actually higher than U-6. (U-6 says 8.2%, I think closer to 10% or a bit higher) But if you refuse to acknowledge a self-admitted stat by the government (not asking you to believe in the preciseness but rather consider it directionally) then how can we have even a basic conversation.
In order to have a constructive interesting conversation we need to have some kind of mutual understanding of where things are at. An ancient Phoenician had to be able to at least agree with a Turk that the sky was blue. There has to be some kind of starting point based on a mutually agreed upon fact. If there is none, then conversing will be pointless. Because we will always be comparing apples to oranges.
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