I'm alive but I want to feel like I'm dead (depressed, husband)
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I don't necessarily want to commit suicide but I just want peace, I don't want to feel anything. Usually I drink heavily and that'll get me to the point that I'm still alive but I feel like I'm dead. Can anyone relate to this?
Wanting to cover up painful feelings is at the basis of many a malady...
alcoholism, some mental illnesses, etc.,
Because those feelings are so painful, we try and use whatever method we can find that works to keep us from truly experiencing those painful feelings, however temporary...
Have you any idea what you are attempting to cover up? Any idea what it is that you might be wary of experiencing??
Any clue?
You could likely benefit from time spent with a therapist to address your issues.
Wanting to cover up painful feelings is at the basis of many a malady...
alcoholism, some mental illnesses, etc.,
Because those feelings are so painful, we try and use whatever method we can find that works to keep us from truly experiencing those painful feelings, however temporary...
Have you any idea what you are attempting to cover up? Any idea what it is that you might be wary of experiencing??
Any clue?
You could likely benefit from time spent with a therapist to address your issues.
I'm just tired, I feel like life is pain sometimes.
I'm just tired, I feel like life is pain sometimes.
You aren't alone. I feel like that sometimes but those are brief moments when I am in way over my head. And it's normal to feel that way. As long as you don't do the Bourdain...
I don't necessarily want to commit suicide but I just want peace, I don't want to feel anything. Usually I drink heavily and that'll get me to the point that I'm still alive but I feel like I'm dead. Can anyone relate to this?
But the stupor is a temporary effect. When it wears off you may feel worse because you feel guilty, frustrated, the original problems you wanted to mask come roaring back again. If you truly want to feel nothing, you would not be a living being. You'd have to be able to turn off a lot of your brain entirely, though it's been attempted through lobotomy. You also wouldn't be able to feel the occasional "nice" sensation either. I can sympathize with how you are feeling, believe me. The problem is just about anything you try will be temporary. So, that begs the question...wouldn't finding ways to manage or grow past the negative stuff have a more lasting effect than blocking or hiding from them? You can learn to feel badly, you can also learn to feel well.
I think forums like this are great for general discussion on psychological issues, but your's OP sounds specific. I think you would probably benefit from a medical professional more than random people on a website - some who would probably be happy to see you hurt yourself just for kicks.
Hopelessness is a very sad place to find yourself.
If you are so inclined, counseling can help teach you different ways of coping, different ways of thinking about your problems that can improve your overall mental status...
Sometimes you can talk it out with a friend...
But other times you need help.
I don't know how old you are, but I can tell you that I thought I had all the time in the world and then suddenly it sped up and life seems more precious. Don't wait until you get to a point where you're scrambling. Okay, I don't know how to share this without sounding preachy. My husband had cancer. They did surgery and was supposed to be A-OK. There was a leak where they removed the tumor. He went into septic shock and literally came minutes from dying. I was begging him to stay with me and I watched him turn gray. His blood pressure fell to such a low level that the surgeon thought he would sustain damage to his brain. He tells me that he knew he was leaving and he fought it with all he could because at that moment, living was all he wanted to do. Even if it meant pain, suffering, all the crappy stuff that comes with life. Sometimes you don't know how much you really do want to live until it's nearly taken from you. I know this sounds melodramatic and probably preachy, but I don't know how else to say it.
You HAVE to find that thing that strikes a chord in you... something that sparks a light in you. For me, it's going out into nature and seeing animals. I see evidence of a greater good and something deeper when I'm exploring nature. Maybe for you it's something completely different and you just haven't found it yet. If there's some trauma that you're not coping with, I'd suggest trying to find someone to help with that. It's very difficult to find joy in anything if you're still experiencing the lingering effects of abuse or trauma. Don't give up... there are people who can help, even if it feels like too much sometimes.
I cry every single day. I really do. My doctor often says, "We could prescribe antidepressants, if you'd like" and I respond, "Just because I feel things and cry about them doesn't mean I'm depressed. I laugh really hard every day, too." Being tired and experiencing pain doesn't mean you're not still alive... you can feel those things and still have moments of great beauty and love. (There's no shame in being depressed. I hope no one takes it that way.) And if you are diagnosed with depression, try medication and see if it helps lighten the burden you feel.
I wish the best for you. Keep talking here with us. Maybe it can help. No one is alone.
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