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Okay no one enjoys criticism. It can be difficult to face, but most of us at some point in our lives have to face the fact we've made an error or done something wrong and criticism may be a loaded word. I don't mean it to be, correction then?
I know a couple of people where it is impossible to have any discussion with them that might include a correction.This is not about being mean or unfair to them, it's just that we all can learn something at some time, except for those of us who are perfect of course. Here's an example of what I mean.
Bob: (says something in a really obnoxious tone of voice to Dave)
Dave: Hey, don't talk to me that way. It's rude.
Bob: You're being rude.
Dave: It's not rude to point out your rudeness.
Bob: You're being rude right now.
Dave: I'm saying you spoke to me rudely.
Bob: You're speaking to me rudely.
Dave: I'm saying don't talk rudely to me.
Bob: You're talking rudely to me.
and so on. Seriously. I'm not making this up. This is almost word for word and it is done on any conversation about anything.
Do you know anyone who simply cannot be corrected or have any discussion because anything at all, no matter how diplomatically put to them, they just turn it around on another person, even if that makes no logical sense? What do you think is going on with people who do this? These are grown people by the way.
It's a sign of immaturity, and I don't really know if anything can be done, other than trying to avoid the stupid conversations.
Oh, I know exactly what can be done:
1. I don't hire them, in interviews. Ran into a clown like that last year. He cussed out HR when found out we weren't hiring him after all (loop took a few days). Dork. Question was, "have you ever had a project or major situation that failed?" Answer: "No, only people that failed me!" Dipstick.
2. And/or, I don't promote them, and they get a good talking-to. Some get it. If they don't, they stay as Jr. level until hell freezes over and are never given authority over others, at least in my org.
Professionals admit errors and face the music head on, with dignity. Everyone gets the beat down, it's how you get up that defines how big a (wo)man you really are. And that's a fact, I am positive of it. It is one of the major qualities of senior and executive vs. junior.
Of course, some executives and politicians blame everything on their predecessors, so at some point, the bit flips back the other way. I call that blamestorming. They say, "we don't go after people, only problems" neglecting to mention that most problems are caused by people in business (or need to be blamed on someone). So, someone is selected, and purged. I've seen it a hundred times. And, one day, it is your turn and you're purged. Circle back to, "take the beat down, and get up again."
Do you know anyone who simply cannot be corrected or have any discussion because anything at all, no matter how diplomatically put to them, they just turn it around on another person, even if that makes no logical sense? What do you think is going on with people who do this? These are grown people by the way.
They're immature, ego-maniacal and not very bright.
Do you know anyone who simply cannot be corrected or have any discussion because anything at all, no matter how diplomatically put to them, they just turn it around on another person, even if that makes no logical sense? What do you think is going on with people who do this? These are grown people by the way.
Yes!
Non-conversations like these are a big part of why I tend to simply smile-and-nod a lot more these days.
OP, some people have really strong defenses. That's what you're describing in the interaction in your OP. That's just the way it is. THey're not interested in communicating or being your friend. They're only interested in protecting their ego. So, walk away when that happens, and put them on a very back burner, in your list of friend priorities.
Okay no one enjoys criticism. It can be difficult to face, but most of us at some point in our lives have to face the fact we've made an error or done something wrong and criticism may be a loaded word. I don't mean it to be, correction then?
I know a couple of people where it is impossible to have any discussion with them that might include a correction.This is not about being mean or unfair to them, it's just that we all can learn something at some time, except for those of us who are perfect of course. Here's an example of what I mean.
Bob: (says something in a really obnoxious tone of voice to Dave)
Dave: Hey, don't talk to me that way. It's rude.
Bob: You're being rude.
Dave: It's not rude to point out your rudeness.
Bob: You're being rude right now.
Dave: I'm saying you spoke to me rudely.
Bob: You're speaking to me rudely.
Dave: I'm saying don't talk rudely to me.
Bob: You're talking rudely to me.
and so on. Seriously. I'm not making this up. This is almost word for word and it is done on any conversation about anything.
Do you know anyone who simply cannot be corrected or have any discussion because anything at all, no matter how diplomatically put to them, they just turn it around on another person, even if that makes no logical sense? What do you think is going on with people who do this? These are grown people by the way.
*sigh* See the bolded line? That is representative of a communication style.
When you TELL a person that THEY are doing something wrong, it is a form of aggression and judgment. The simple fact is that you cannot own their feelings, and your values may be completely different - to the point that you are not even understood when you try to correct them.
If Dave had responded instead - "Bob, what I just hear you say was - blah blah blah - Is that correct?" Bob then has to admit or deny what was said within his own mind. That gives a chance for him to correct, if what was heard was not what he intended, or to clarify his statement.
If his answer is "Yes, that is what I said" then the second part of the response is along the lines of: "When you said that, I felt - this that or the other. I would appreciate your not doing that in the future."
What Dave is then doing is owning HIS OWN feelings, and giving a clear request for future responses. If Bob comes back with "You shouldn't feel that way," it is a simple matter to say "I said what I felt as a help to you, my feelings are my own. What I am asking of you is this change in the way you talk with me. That is all."
If Bob comes back with "Well, I won't do that!" Then the response is "I'm sorry to hear that, since we won't be able to talk with each other, because I will not accept being treated that way. Goodbye. (Or in a business situation, "I'll refer you to so-and-so. If you need to communicate with me, please do so through them or in writing.""
The first few time Dave tries this, it will feel stilted and wussy, because there is NOT active aggression involved, but merely a strong defense stance that allows enough wiggle room for an aggressor to shift position. Once the aggressor realizes that his favorite game is no longer being played, he will lose interest.
There are MANY other strategies, but this is one of the simplest for most people to understand and implement.
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Here's an example of what I mean. 
