Talking to people, no response, they just "stare" (woman, parent)
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I dont know what to do with this. I've known people socially and at work. I'll be conversing and complete my thought and pause. And wait. And nothing. Silence.
I'm referring to exchanges that "require" a response. One woman at work is like this. I will ask a work question and she just stares. Silent. I'll even say "Are you going to say something?" and more silence.
Unfortunately, I often babble then to fill up the space.
I have a couple of friends like this too. Text wise they can be chatty but in person just...that stare. It almost creeps me out. And then I add filler which I guess means I am too dominating and chatty.
My take... you know you're a babbler, so do they people you're "conversing" with so they Probably just tune you out when they think you're in "babble mode". Or, you could be like my wife, she'll say something and vocal inflection makes it sound like a statement so I won't reply. Then she gets all irritated that I'm not replying to her statement (It was a Question!), this is an endless cycle with us as she simply won't add the vocal inflection at the end or preface with "I have a question...state question".
If you don't feel it's either of those, stop talking with those people. They're clearly ignoring you, which means they're wasting your time. Don't know about you, but that's one of my bigger pet peeves ~ my time is valuable, don't devalue it by wasting it or I won't offer you my time again in the future.
I dont know what to do with this. I've known people socially and at work. I'll be conversing and complete my thought and pause. And wait. And nothing. Silence.
I'm referring to exchanges that "require" a response. One woman at work is like this. I will ask a work question and she just stares. Silent. I'll even say "Are you going to say something?" and more silence.
Unfortunately, I often babble then to fill up the space.
I have a couple of friends like this too. Text wise they can be chatty but in person just...that stare. It almost creeps me out. And then I add filler which I guess means I am too dominating and chatty.
It is just perplexing. What up ?
I don't know, but your post sparked a memory that made me laugh again.
My exh has a sister who on the surface is rather intelligent--she is an RN who ended up doing consulting. But as far as everyday conversation goes, she doesn't seem to comprehend back-and-forth dialogue, and she's very airheaded. I remember telling her things about my job in NYC (she was from NJ but moved to Florida before I knew her) and she would just sit there smiling...and not respond as if she could not comprehend what I said. It was sort of cute years ago, but she's in her 60s now.
So fast forward decades later, my ex and I are divorced for 15 years and my now-adult daughter is in school working on a PhD in Mandarin. She tells me Aunt Sandy is coming to NJ to visit Dad.
I texted her during the visit and asked her to say hey to my former SIL, and asked my dd how she was enjoying the visit.
Her reply was "to be honest, it's just annoying. She asked about what I was doing in school, and I told her, and then when I stop talking, she just stares at me with this smile on her face but says nothing. It's like talking to no one."
No idea. But stop providing filler to the silence. You can say that you'd like their opinion (or whatever) when they fail to engage, but if all they do is stare in response to that, just say, "OK, I guess we're done here" and walk away. Don't waste your time on these people. Or ask them if they're ok, with a concerned voice.
Also check yourself, monitor your speech, to make sure you're not being overly verbose, and losing your audience. Asking a work question doesn't seem like something one could get verbose about, though. I can't imagine why you'd be encountering this odd behavior in a variety of environments. How can you be friends with people who don't talk? lol. What kind of friends are these? What's the friendship based on, if not sharing with each other, bonding over conversation and shared activities or interests?
Occasionally I get a student who does this. I welcome each student at the start of the lesson, usually with "how are you today," or something like that, and the ones who don't respond, or only respond with dead silence are usually on the autism spectrum. Other teachers have mentioned, and this has happened to me as well, that parents frequently won't even tell you their child has autism!
The dead silence is a little bit hurtful and it is also rude, so I'll look at the parent (parent attendance is required) and the parent will tell the child, use your words. Perhaps you should try that? If people won't speak to you, refusing to engage in conversation, I'd bring it up: "Hey! I just spoke to you and you ignored me. Do you not want to speak with me? If not, I won't try again." Tell them.
I just fired one of my students for this. Bad behavior with no improvement over a span of a couple of years. But others, I've been patient with for years because the autism was much worse and they can't help it. The fired student, however, just had a mean character, something bordering on Oppositional Defiant Disorder. A private music teacher is usually not equipped to deal with this.
I dont know what to do with this. I've known people socially and at work. I'll be conversing and complete my thought and pause. And wait. And nothing. Silence.
I'm referring to exchanges that "require" a response. One woman at work is like this. I will ask a work question and she just stares. Silent. I'll even say "Are you going to say something?" and more silence.
Unfortunately, I often babble then to fill up the space.
I have a couple of friends like this too. Text wise they can be chatty but in person just...that stare. It almost creeps me out. And then I add filler which I guess means I am too dominating and chatty.
I'm referring to exchanges that "require" a response. One woman at work is like this. I will ask a work question and she just stares. Silent. I'll even say "Are you going to say something?" and more silence.
HOW are you asking these work questions? Are they 'how do I do this' types of questions, or are they straightforward questions that only require a simple yes or no?
I guess I'm a little confused because you say your response is "Are you going to say something?", as if you are waiting for a comment or opinion on what you said to your co-worker. Maybe your co-worker doesn't realize a response is wanted.
I work with a woman who talks a lot, it's always a story with tangents and lots of unnecessary details, never short and to the point. Sometimes there is a question in there somewhere, sometimes it's JUST a story because she feels like chatting while she works, sometimes I honestly can't tell the difference between her question stories and non question stories, so I just nod and hmmm occasionally. If she stops and looks at me expectantly and I realize it, I just apologize and ask her what was her question again. There may have been times when I didn't realize it and just looked at her thinking there was more story left to get through.
I dont know what to do with this. I've known people socially and at work. I'll be conversing and complete my thought and pause. And wait. And nothing. Silence.
I'm referring to exchanges that "require" a response. One woman at work is like this. I will ask a work question and she just stares. Silent. I'll even say "Are you going to say something?" and more silence.
Unfortunately, I often babble then to fill up the space.
I have a couple of friends like this too. Text wise they can be chatty but in person just...that stare. It almost creeps me out. And then I add filler which I guess means I am too dominating and chatty.
It is just perplexing. What up ?
If this is common thing you experience, it might be that the common denominator is you. If you are a nervous babbler, that comes off as awkward and uncomfortable to others, who might shut down. Try to take cues from others, and match them, and see if your results change any.
If you don't feel it's either of those, stop talking with those people. They're clearly ignoring you, which means they're wasting your time.
That's my take on this. I laughed initially when I saw this thread title, because I more frequently observe (and experience) the opposite problem, which is people interrupting. If a person doesn't respond at all, they *really* don't want to talk.
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