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Has anyone experienced or are currently experiencing being gaslighted in a relationship? What were they doing that was classified as such? Have you ever been the gaslighter yourself?
Last edited by PJSaturn; 08-05-2019 at 12:07 PM..
Reason: Second thread on same topic merged with this thread.
Yes. Hard to give examples. The simplest way to describe it: when someone tries to impose their perception of reality on you and tries to get you to distrust your own judgment. This is usually done by planting seeds of doubt over time. If you say the sky is blue and then look up to verify that it is, in fact, blue...they will try to convince you that what you are seeing with your own eyes is false.
I'm sure someone can explain it much better than me. It's psychological warfare. Those who are really skilled in this type of manipulation will do it very subtly over time. That way, others cannot easily witness the abuse. Then when you start reacting to the triggers (because they are constant), people will think you're the crazy one. This is also because the perpetrator is probably conducting a smear campaign behind your back.
^^^ Very good explanation. In short - it's a form of persistent manipulation and brainwashing that causes the victim (partner) to doubt her or himself, and ultimately lose her or his own sense of perception, identity, and self-worth. Mind controling and mental abuse, to a degree, happens quite often in a relationship.
There is an older B&W movie with Ingrid Bergman, a great classic that depicts it very well. Worth watching if you can stomach it - a useful reminder that just because you feel like you’re going crazy doesn’t mean you are.
I know someone who gaslights people all of the time. She irritates them, causes drama, says nasty things, and then she cries and denies any responsibility when they react.
She will do everything in her power to make sure she gets her way.
Sure: when someone in a (relationship, family, business situation) says something that falls flat, the suggester will simply change the facts and blame the other party(ies).
I've seen it in relationships, some woman simply changing what was allegedly said in small ways.
W: I'm hungry, order a pizza place with pepp and mushrooms.
(BB, me, comes home with pizza, pepp and mushrooms.)
W: I SAID come back with pepp and Italian sausage. You know I don't like mushrooms! Your hearing is going bad, too, as you often point out. You screwed up, Charlie Brown! Obviously you can't do anything right, you clown.
Small example. Bigger ones are more serious. It adds up to a pathway of pathology in a relationship. I've been on a receiving end a couple times, and probably done it to someone else at least once out of pure spite.
A close relative does this to the point that I now refuse to communicate with her except through e-mails (I don't text) because so often she would say that she said something to me that she didn't, or tell me that she didn't say something that she did. As others have said, it got to the point that I started doubting myself, even though I knew that I was not imagining things.
You have to be some kind of psycho to play with other people's sanity like that, intentionally. Some people are spacey and really don't remember what they said and they just want to be right so they defend themselves. But those who plan this kind of thing are gas lighters and that is an evil act to try to make someone upset and off balance.
I had a boss that would do it to some extent. I would say A and he would say "but you said B last week" and his B would be some twisted form of redefining A that wasn't what I meant at all. Sometimes he would be smirking when he did this so I know it was intentional. And one time he said, "I like to get people riled up, it's entertaining".
Drama queens, bullies, emotional vampires, been around forever.
Parents do this to their kids, too. Some kids are raised with that, and grow into adults with self-esteem issues and crippling self-doubt. This can be dangerous for women raised to doubt their own perceptions; it opens them up to be victims of crime, assault, and abusive relationships.
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