Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
This is something I've thought about for a while. My entire family, including me, the mother, have faces that if we are relaxed, our faces seem dour and frowning. The classically named: "Resting Bitchy Face". We all have it. If we don't choose to look smiling and bright and interested, our resting faces are somehow offensive to others. Even if we are happy inside, our faces look 'frowny'. Now I have boys and girls as children. All are adult. I have noticed that as women we are often approached and people say things to us like "Smile!" Or "What's wrong?" or "Cheer up!" Or "A smile wouldn't kill you, you know." Now these things are said to me all the time. And my daughter. and my other daughter. But not my sons. I find this interesting. And why do people feel they have the right to even address a person and tell them their face is displeasing to them? Is it a cultural expectation that women act and appear pleasing to others? It's equally men or women who will say this sort of thing, but....would they say it to a man? No one says it to my sons. Is there a different expectation for men? Are men not expected to be so universally socially pleasing? Or is it because people just would not dare to approach a man and say: "You know, it wouldn't kill you to smile." Please tell me what you think.
I have always been fascinated by how most women smile all the time. I always thought that most women could not be that happy. So I considered the smile a conditioning by the mother and other female relationships and maybe from just societal norms.
Just like smiling is expected from women, men are expected to be stoic, non smiling and non emotional. In fact I have reservations about a man that smiles all the time and not confident I can trust him. I also can not trust a women until I have years of experience with her.
Another observation of mine is that there are a large percentage of women that will just tell people what they want to hear and the real honest feelings of the women my never be known. Only a small percentage of women are honest about their feelings where as a man generally tell the honest truth assuming they can identify their feelings because of societal training to ignore their feelings.
These observations are just mine and I could be wrong but I do have 60 years of experience.
Lots of people are obsessed with smiles. They expect smiles and perfectly white teeth.
It's mostly American thing to smile without a reason. With teeth only (notice how often the eyes don't smile at all). It's a fake smile you see everywhere. It last a second or two and is meaningless. Smiles are expected everywhere, otherwise people would think you're depressed. And you are right - no one really cares much if men smile.
In fact where I come from, people who smile a lot are considered to be simpletons or even mentally challenged.
I read somewhere that according to some research average woman smiles 62 times per day, and the average man smiles only 8.
I guess for generations women were expected to be pleasers.
According to this tabloid:
"In our culture, a woman's smile is rarely allowed to be just a smile; it's often taken as a sign of submission, docility, agreeableness, cooperation, and/ or a lack of female anger and other "problematic" emotions."
Sounds crazy? Sure, but there is some truth in it... https://www.bustle.com/p/why-do-peop...to-smile-67360
In society, people just like it when women have a pleasant facial expression because out of the two genders, women are the pretty ones. People don't care as much about men. It's like how women are the ones that wear brighter-colored clothing. Men are expected to wear darker clothing.
It's just unfortunate & I know it's just your genetics/the way you look that you guys all have that RBF (resting b---- face). I'm so glad I don't have that!
This reminds me, there's a YouTuber I watch that has a RBF & she never really smiles. She's aware that she has a RBF, but that doesn't seem to make her want to smile more. A nice, genuine smile truly, truly does make ALL the difference, so I'd suggest to anyone out there w/ a RBF to work harder at smiling more. You'll see a HUGE difference in how people perceive & treat you. If I had a RBF, I'd do all I could to change it & make myself appear more friendly, kind, etc.
And since we're on this topic, I personally hate when people smile without showing their teeth. Just sitting alone at home, I tried to make my mouth bend to smile w/o showing teeth & not only do I think it looks bad when I look in the mirror, but it even feels incredibly odd to smile that way. It appears fake & even like...how shall I explain it...like even cartoonish kind of, like you're not being sincere.
There has been a movement over the past several years that addresses this subtle form of sexism. Several women have made videos about how many times they are told to smile over the course of their days, by strangers and acquaintances.
I've read a theory that says our society conditions women to be pleasing to look at and interact with, and that men are conditioned that they have some say in how women should look and act. This "smiling" expectation stems from that.
^Wow, that was a good article. Very interesting. No one has told me to smile since I was young, but that is likely because at six feet tall, I intimidate most men. I am not a smiler naturally.
But it is creepy that men do this, and yes, it is very evident that such men see women as objects "for them to gaze upon".
In society, people just like it when women have a pleasant facial expression because out of the two genders, women are the pretty ones. People don't care as much about men. It's like how women are the ones that wear brighter-colored clothing. Men are expected to wear darker clothing.
It's just unfortunate & I know it's just your genetics/the way you look that you guys all have that RBF (resting b---- face). I'm so glad I don't have that!
This reminds me, there's a YouTuber I watch that has a RBF & she never really smiles. She's aware that she has a RBF, but that doesn't seem to make her want to smile more. A nice, genuine smile truly, truly does make ALL the difference, so I'd suggest to anyone out there w/ a RBF to work harder at smiling more. You'll see a HUGE difference in how people perceive & treat you. If I had a RBF, I'd do all I could to change it & make myself appear more friendly, kind, etc.
And since we're on this topic, I personally hate when people smile without showing their teeth. Just sitting alone at home, I tried to make my mouth bend to smile w/o showing teeth & not only do I think it looks bad when I look in the mirror, but it even feels incredibly odd to smile that way. It appears fake & even like...how shall I explain it...like even cartoonish kind of, like you're not being sincere.
And to me, it feels unnatural to smile showing my teeth.
And to me, it feels unnatural to smile showing my teeth.
Obviously, we agree to disagree. Everyone's different out there! I know that's just the way some people smile, but honestly, I'm so glad it's NOT the majority out there because inside it irks me, but of course, I never do a thing to show it outwardly to anyone whatsoever.
In continuation to this, there's a girl I knew in HS who smiled w/o showing her teeth. We're FB friends, but never actually interact. I see her photos from time to time on my FB & she still has that teethless smile of course as always. I've said to myself a few times, could you just please smile w/ your teeth just ONCE so I could see! She'd look a whole lot better.
And why do people feel they have the right to even address a person and tell them their face is displeasing to them? Is it a cultural expectation that women act and appear pleasing to others? It's equally men or women who will say this sort of thing, but....would they say it to a man? No one says it to my sons. Is there a different expectation for men? Are men not expected to be so universally socially pleasing? Or is it because people just would not dare to approach a man and say: "You know, it wouldn't kill you to smile." Please tell me what you think.
it's easier to talk to women, cause women are considered to be more open and approachable. Of course that is basically mumbo jumbo, since it doesn't have to do with gender.
I don't particularly like how you portray their intentions with your "why do people feel they have the right to even address a person and tell them their face is displeasing to them". Except if someone has literally told you that, you are overstating facts.
I've said to my friends or colleges maybe even people I don't really know "smile a bit!" if I notice they are frowning all the time. I don't do it because their face is displeasing. I do it cause I like to see people smiling, and I know that it impacts their psyche if they do. After that some either smile, or even get into conversations about how thats their natural or how they are tired.
Do you think I'm doing something wrong when I say that?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
