Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Hi all, I'm hoping someone could help me with solving this dliemma we've been trying to solve for the past 3 years: Should we come down there or not? I'm using my mother's account on here, so please excuse my first attempt at a post. Here's our story--we're from Long Island, I'm 32, my hubby is 38. He retired from the PD recently and has a nice pension w/benefits. I'm a stay at home mother, and choose to stay home, for the time being. The only reason we had even considered looking at NC is b/c we either knew people who were going down or read about people who were making the move. I do not like just making ends meet up here, and hate the fact that LI cost of living is really exhausting us financially. I've never really been thrilled living here, but would miss what I have known my entire life, if that makes any sense. I'm a bit afraid to leave NYC and all it offers and go south where I know that, while there are a lot of LIers down there, there are also a lot of southerners who are a bit peeved at the huge influx of us Yanks. I do appreciate the shopping down there, especially the Cary area, and love the home you can get for the money. The large school system bother me though. I also have a child with special needs and am concerned about the different state standards for teachers in NC. In NY a Masters is required within a certain amount of time, as well as constant recertifications, etc. A Bachelors is all that is required in NC.I know my hubby can just go and get another job, and he will, but should he get it in order to get us by and provide somelittle extras up here? Or should he get another job down there and use that income to put away for college, older age, etc? Financially I think it is a no brainer, but I'm scared. I guess I just want to be with other NYers in a place that we can afford. I'm rambling, I know, but any adice is appreciated.
My opinion: For emotional reasons, no, no, no, do not come down here. You will not be happy. The biggest difference in cost of living is that here, as you mentioned, houses are far less expensive than your area. But you won't be happy in a home if you're missing your friends and relatives and all that NYC has to offer.
If you believe that you are moving to a "backward" area (which is what your post would seem to suggest), and the only reason that you are doing it is financial, and you have another choice (hubby gets a casual job in LI), then I think that you will not be happy here. There's no place like home for most of us . . .
Last edited by Hamish Forbes; 07-06-2009 at 02:34 PM..
Reason: spelling
"Should" is a very subjective term that only you can assess. You've laid out some reasons, pro and con, to staying and to moving, but only you can figure out which ones weigh heavier in the long run. And, it sounds like your first quandary is "move or stay", and then your second, if you decide to move, is "where to move to?" since there are certainly many attractive places other than the Triangle that might fit some parts of your wish list (e.g. school systems) better. But we can't tell you what you "should" do; we can only answer specific questions to aid your decision.
Well, I'm still on LI but we are considering a move....but I would have to say it doesn't seem like you would be happy if you moved. You want what you have on Long Island, including the people, and that isn't going to work. I'm looking forward to a change of pace, a change of PEOPLE, and taking advantage of all that the Triangle has to offer, even though (or maybe because) it's totally different than what you can get in the LI/NYC Metro area. I do agree that if the only reason you want to move is financial then it's probably not a good decision. I'm not implying that you aren't or can't, but people who can't live within their means in one area generally can't do it no matter where they live. And I have to say that you probably won't beat the special ed services you get on Long Island - you'd be paying for those yourself most other places.
You say you're scared. I think that answers your question of "stay or go" at least for the time being.
Sounds like you are making a common thinking mistake: you are considering a "solution"--moving to NC--BEFORE you've defined the problems you are trying to solve! This is backasswards. First, make a list of all your problems. Then, brainstorm solutions to each. For instance, I'll bet you'll find there are many ways to address financial woes other than moving away.
Thank you for everyone's opinions, much appreciated. It's not that we are living beyond our means, we were well within them until we had some pretty unfortunate financial circumstances: A contractor took off on us with over 125K cash (loooong story), and that forced us to liquidate any and ALL savings. He left us with, literally, a shell of a home, and we then had to pay more than double to complete the project. Which had us have to refinance, etc. I'm not one of those homemakers that gets my nails done, drives a Lexus SUV, etc. I shop at Wal-mart, we own one car, and I just try to give my children the extras like a dance class or karate. We do not take trips or do the summer camp thing, so it really isn't even a consideration that we live beyond our means. So, even though our income is nice, we were hit hard by that problem. I do NOT consider NC to be backwards, at all, and I apologize if I even impliedit. I am just scared of the unknown. I say I want to be by NYers b/c it would lessen the pain of moving, so to speak. Because I definitely feel like this was forced upon me by the gentleman who put us in a bad position after all that we worked for. I would look forward to a slower pace and a general politeness that you do not get up here. And I would like to say farewell to snow. I'd like the opportunity to make a new circle of friends and not feel the financial pressure that you feel here. My children ask me forthe birthday parties that their friends have or the camps that their friends attend--it is not within our means, nor would I give it to them if it was. I'd like my children to not feel the pressures that NYS schools puts on them in terms of standardized testing. Overall, everyone's opinion is dead on, lol, which puts me back to square one, lol. I thank everyone for their honesty, and again wish to stress that I do not look down upon NC; rather, the circumstances that have forced me to consider uprooting my family.
Thank you for everyone's opinions, much appreciated. It's not that we are living beyond our means, we were well within them until we had some pretty unfortunate financial circumstances: A contractor took off on us with over 125K cash (loooong story), and that forced us to liquidate any and ALL savings. He left us with, literally, a shell of a home, and we then had to pay more than double to complete the project. Which had us have to refinance, etc. I'm not one of those homemakers that gets my nails done, drives a Lexus SUV, etc. I shop at Wal-mart, we own one car, and I just try to give my children the extras like a dance class or karate. We do not take trips or do the summer camp thing, so it really isn't even a consideration that we live beyond our means. So, even though our income is nice, we were hit hard by that problem. I do NOT consider NC to be backwards, at all, and I apologize if I even impliedit. I am just scared of the unknown. I say I want to be by NYers b/c it would lessen the pain of moving, so to speak. Because I definitely feel like this was forced upon me by the gentleman who put us in a bad position after all that we worked for. I would look forward to a slower pace and a general politeness that you do not get up here. And I would like to say farewell to snow. I'd like the opportunity to make a new circle of friends and not feel the financial pressure that you feel here. My children ask me forthe birthday parties that their friends have or the camps that their friends attend--it is not within our means, nor would I give it to them if it was. I'd like my children to not feel the pressures that NYS schools puts on them in terms of standardized testing. Overall, everyone's opinion is dead on, lol, which puts me back to square one, lol. I thank everyone for their honesty, and again wish to stress that I do not look down upon NC; rather, the circumstances that have forced me to consider uprooting my family.
IMHO, how do you know if you're going to like it or not if you don't try it? If your husband is retired and you are a SAHM, why don't you stay for a month or two in the summer to see how you like it. Any move that is far away from home is scary. I moved from PA to FL away from family. It was scary, but we met friends shortly after and started to get used to things. For some ppl, it takes a year or two to get to used to a move, others adjust right away. I adjusted quickly but it took my DH about 2 years to finally get used to it. If you move ot NC, you are still a days drive to go back home to visit. To me you just sound scared, but try it, if it doesn't work, you can always go back. Good luck!
Hi. Welcome to the forum. I'm from Staten Island. Raised in Queens. My husband and I have decided to relocate to NC. Yes, we can get a nicer home, but it' s the lifestyle we are looking for. Staten Island is not where we want to raise our little girls. Tired of the rude people, crime, drugs (know it's everywhere but I'm tired of finding dime bags on the lawn). I get wat you are saying. I'm scared too. We came in April, loved it. I'm in NC !!! We are here for two weeks. Comingback in Aug. Come visit here. You will not want to go back. I'm scared to leave my parents in NY. But I have to do what's right for my kids and all of us. I hate the quality of our life in NY!! And your hubby is retired from the PD at 38?!? How. That's awesome. Nothing stopping you and NC won't tax your pension. A no brained to me, get down here and check it out!!!! PM me if you would like!!!! Good luck.
This is what I've learned in my life about giving advice:
When someone asks you, "Should I or shouldn't I?" about a MAJOR life decision, the answer is always "NO!"
Why is that? It's because if someone is asking that question, they simply are not the least bit ready to say, "Yes."
Should I get married?
Should I move?
Should I have a baby?
If someone asks you those questions, the answer should always be, "No" because they are not ready to get married, move, or have a baby. Period.
If they want more information, that's another story.
If the decision is a struggle for you, it means you just aren't ready to say, "Yes."
In order to be successful in any of those areas, you must first make a firm and confident decision -- one that you believe in wholeheartedly.
You can and should gather information in order to weigh your decision. But once you make the decision, you will know for yourself if it is right or wrong, because you will be confident in it, and you will have absolutely no need to ask anyone, "Should I or shouldn't I?"
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
