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Anyone out there in there ever had an SO who lied to you or mislead you about finances or credit until you were both in a state of financial ruin without saying a word to you - and THEN you found out?I found out when creditors starting calling me. If so were you ever able to forgive them, move on & rebuild your credit together? I am trying to stick it out but am haunted daily by the situation that my husband has put us in. I was just giving him a check for half the mortage, half the utilities, some to help with our bills AND paying all my own. Ony he did not use the $ to pay our payments- he was using them for personal debts he had racked up & not told me about. Our mortage& other accounts fell months behind. I am now paying for the huge ass rings he bought me at 23.9% intrest- because he cannot. I feel a sense of resentment no matter how hard I try to tell myself that I am not perfect & that we all make mistakes.It makes it even worse that I seem to be sacrificing EVERYTHING the kids & I can do without, but he seems to find extra $ money to do personal things. It makes me wonder if he even sees the error in his ways or if this is just the way he wants to live his life. If so I am not sure I want to be along for the ride......
The only positive thing I can say is that he has been working every other weekend for extra $, but if he does'nt cut back on expenses what good does it do? I have talked to him and I always get "we will make it through this"- but the thing is I don't want to just make it through it. I am interested in improving our credit and working towards paying things off, increasing income and NOT being in this situation PERIOD. I have 2 children from a previous marriage that are totally financially supported by my ex & I. I don't even have to ask my husband for anything for them financially. BUT his lies about non payment have wrecked my credit so bad that I could never even get an emergency loan, buy a car or rent a place if my kids ever needed it.FYI-to make matters worse all this happened AFTER I spent years managing to be a single parent AND have a perfect credit rating. He will never know how hard I worked to be able to say that. Can I really get over this??
This happened to my boss. Her husband pulled in a six figure salary, but blew through all of it, racked up cc debt galore, failed to make mortgage payments, kept (and spent) the income from a rental property instead of paying that bill, etc, etc, etc. She just found out last year when they went to a financial planner. She's a saver and denies herself any nice things and, until she discovered what he had done, was extremely vocal about people who had debt or didn't have retirement accounts or couldn't pay their mortgages.
She's now in the same boat and it has devistated her, to say the least.
Her husband is a lawyer and has threatened to shut down her company and take everything she has if she divorces him. He quit his job 18 months ago, so she is supporting the household.
She trusted him, but she had her head in the sand regarding his finances. My coworkers think he probably had/has a mistress or a gambling problem, since he doesn't have alot of "stuff" to show for the money spent.
It's sad because her worst fear was becoming destitute, which is why she saved and never took on cc debt, yet that's exactly what's going to happen to her (she's almost 60). There's a line in a song that goes "that which you fear the most will meet you halfway."
... I try to tell myself that I am not perfect & that we all make mistakes....
What he has done and his spending habits do not qualify as "mistakes" Noem. It is a sense of entitlement and spending behaviour that is HIGHLY likely not to change.
$10 says he has a closeted gambling problem. He will ruin you financially over and over again.
Been there, done that. Never again. And the really rotten part? The lying about the finances was just the tip of the lying iceberg.
One mistake you made was doing the half-and-half thing. As a married couple you should AT LEAST have a joint account for joint bills and both of you should know whats going on with it even if one person handles all the finances.
My late wife was a shopaholic. I'd given my ex all our liquid assets when I divorced her plus $50,000 from a personal note, and we didn't have much extra income. But she had a credit card or two, and every two or three months I'd get the cc bill and see a $4000 charge to a clothing store. Yikes! I'd gently tell her we couldn't afford that; she'd cry, insist on giving me her credit cards, and everything would be okay for a month or two. Then she'd ask for her credit card back for some small purchase, and the cycle would start all over again. It was an illness with her. She just couldn't control it.
My late wife was a shopaholic. I'd given my ex all our liquid assets when I divorced her plus $50,000 from a personal note, and we didn't have much extra income. But she had a credit card or two, and every two or three months I'd get the cc bill and see a $4000 charge to a clothing store. Yikes! I'd gently tell her we couldn't afford that; she'd cry, insist on giving me her credit cards, and everything would be okay for a month or two. Then she'd ask for her credit card back for some small purchase, and the cycle would start all over again. It was an illness with her. She just couldn't control it.
If SHE had to pay them off, she would've learned how to control it real fast! Had she declared bankruptcy before you met her? If not, there's your answer!
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