Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
. While you're there you meet for the first time, a girl who was also friends with your husband's ex-wife and the friend lets it slip that the reason their marriage ended was because your husband cheated on his ex and threw her out of the house in order to move his new lover in. This all happened a couple years before you even met your now-husband. None of his other friends or family ever said a word about this, but after you question a few of them they confess that the story is true but didn't want you to leave him because they really like you.
Depends if what those people say is true. They might have their own agenda or lie under pressure. A lot of people take delight in scandalous rumors.
I think you can only go on the persons actions with you and that is that.
. Whatever it was is not up to me to judge. If you are sure he is not cheating on you, why care about what happened in the past. It's not ALWAYS a character flaw.
Personally, I do believe the ACT of cheating is a character flaw, but I also believe that we all have flaws, some worse than others. I also believe in redemption and forgiveness. I will not judge others for one act or another, but if I were the one being cheated on I would certainly judge whether I would be able to put the betrayal completely behind me and fully trust again. There are no guarantees in marriage, but without trust you have no foundation for any kind of relationship.
Personally, I do believe the ACT of cheating is a character flaw, but I also believe that we all have flaws, some worse than others. I also believe in redemption and forgiveness. I will not judge others for one act or another, but if I were the one being cheated on I would certainly judge whether I would be able to put the betrayal completely behind me and fully trust again. There are no guarantees in marriage, but without trust you have no foundation for any kind of relationship.
The thread is not about being cheated on, however. The thread is about being with someone who cheated in the past. And the truth of the matter is, I don't really care about the past of my husband. I didn't ask him to disclose all the details and what he had done. I know that he cheated in a previous relationship, but he also knows that I cheated as well. Hell, when he met me, I was in a relationship. That sure could have given him a clue that I may be problematic type of person. At the end of the day, it's all about committing to one person and that's it.
Well, let's say he admits to cheating but says that he was young and stupid back then and has learned his lesson. Besides, he says, his wife was too into her job and not enough into the marriage and his new girlfriend was available more. Now he realizes that his ex was probably a better wife than he realized but it was too late - and then he found you...
Oh, and in case anyone is wondering, this thread is not about me - I've never been married.
Did he actually say that or no?
I think when it comes to these relationship issues people often pay very close attention to words, but then give the persons actions the short shrift. Really I think what is important is what the guy actually does. I mean if he is a good husband now what does it matter?
Also again women get very caught up in explanations but in life there always isn't perfect explanations nor ones that seem to fulfill what women want. For the woman in this case digging all this up probably isn't going to do her any favors. I mean even if he tells every dirty detail, it really doesn't have one thing to do with the current daily life and just brings up bad vibes that didn't need to come up.
A lot of people really get into this whole thing of wanting to know a previous persons relationship history so it can be "judged" by this 3rd person. No matter what they are told since they were not there they will never know or understand completely. Therefore to me history is history. You aint changing it. Unless there is something like a secret child, abortion, herpeAIDStitus, restraining orders or some other out of whack thing, I can't see the point in rehashing previous failed relationships blow by blow.
The thread is not about being cheated on, however. The thread is about being with someone who cheated in the past. And the truth of the matter is, I don't really care about the past of my husband. I didn't ask him to disclose all the details and what he had done. I know that he cheated in a previous relationship, but he also knows that I cheated as well. Hell, when he met me, I was in a relationship. That sure could have given him a clue that I may be problematic type of person. At the end of the day, it's all about committing to one person and that's it.
Yes, that's why I said in this specific example I wouldn't worry about "once a cheater always a cheater, but I would wonder why he didn't share the information. I do believe people can change and would want to know more or why he kept it from me.
(It sort of reminds me of a thread you had once). I know I got a lot of flack back then too about feeling you can be open about your past with your SO.
Yes, that's why I said in this specific example I wouldn't worry about "once a cheater always a cheater, but I would wonder why he didn't share the information. I do believe people can change and would want to know more or why he kept it from me.
(It sort of reminds me of a thread you had once). I know I got a lot of flack back then too about feeling you can be open about your past with your SO.
You are right, it definitely relates to my thread. I think it shows how you and me are very consistent in our opinions.
Quote:
a girl who was also friends with your husband's ex-wife and the friend lets it slip that the reason their marriage ended was because your husband cheated on his ex and threw her out of the house in order to move his new lover in.
I do have to say that throwing his wife out of the house sounds awfully cruel.
I couldn't be with someone who was not honest with me. That would be hard to get past. If he explained the cheating to me at the beginning of the relationship and I understood why he had cheated, maybe I could get past it. However, the fact of lying, throwing his wife out, and moving in his gf just make him sound like a very cruel person. To me cheating is usually black and white. Sorry, but why not get out of a marriage before you cheat? No one is forced to stay, so there is no reason that justifies cheating in my opinion.
You are right, it definitely relates to my thread. I think it shows how you and me are very consistent in our opinions.
That just makes us easier to understand.
Quote:
I do have to say that throwing his wife out of the house sounds awfully cruel.
Sounds cruel, but I don't ever take 3rd party accounts seriously. It's like the game "Telephone", everybody likes to tack on some embellishment. I'd flush it out with my husband.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I think it shows how you and me are very consistent in our opinions.
I contradict myself all the time!
