Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
If someone held a negative impression about you for a long period of time (1 year being the minimum) and treated you horribly with either insults or spreading rumors about you to others behind your back but later on wanted to amend things with you, would you be forgiving?
I have never found myself in this position but for me it would depend on my mood mainly. If I had a stressful day at work then it's very unlikely I'll be on speaking terms with that person. However, if it's either a normal or special day then I guess I can try being their friend.
Though come to think about it if they disliked/hated you for a long time and all of the sudden want to be all cool with you, what would be the chances of them reverting back to the former hateful behavior? I think that would be very likely esp. if you accidentally do or say something they aren't comfortable with, even if it was not intended. They can change their opinions at any time and become your archenemy again.
Nevertheless, life is too short to spend thinking about enemies. I would be civil, but not hang about people who despised me, or whom I was not fond of either.
Nevertheless, life is too short to spend thinking about enemies. I would be civil, but not hang about people who despised me, or whom I was not fond of either.
Yeah time passes by and you're not going to be young forever. Spending your life hating someone can sure be consuming and by the time you realize it wasn't productive at all, it's late.
At the same time it makes you wonder why they changed their minds? Changing from ''I hate and will ruin you'' mode to all of the sudden ''I'm sorry, I want to be your friend'' is very unlikely. Sometimes it might not even be sincere at all since some people are good actors. Even if it was sincere, who knows when they can revert back to their old ways.
Yeah time passes by and you're not going to be young forever. Spending your life hating someone can sure be consuming and by the time you realize it wasn't productive at all, it's late.
With me, I don't think it would be about hate as much as distrust - the old "Fool me once..." thing.
If someone held a negative impression about you for a long period of time (1 year being the minimum) and treated you horribly with either insults or spreading rumors about you to others behind your back but later on wanted to amend things with you, would you be forgiving?
I have never found myself in this position but for me it would depend on my mood mainly. If I had a stressful day at work then it's very unlikely I'll be on speaking terms with that person. However, if it's either a normal or special day then I guess I can try being their friend.
Though come to think about it if they disliked/hated you for a long time and all of the sudden want to be all cool with you, what would be the chances of them reverting back to the former hateful behavior? I think that would be very likely esp. if you accidentally do or say something they aren't comfortable with, even if it was not intended. They can change their opinions at any time and become your archenemy again.
I would be extremely suspicious of someone who was my archenemy suddenly becoming my friend. I had co-worker do that and she got me fired. You can try to take the high road, but be careful.
Not that I much care what people say about me, unless it's people I actually care about, so that whole spreading rumors thing doesn't really apply, but if it was someone I hadn't liked for a long time, where the feeling was mutual, I wouldn't see any reason to try and "patch things up". I have enough friends, and I'm more than happy to go through life not being friends with people, if I dislike someone, I dislike them, life's too short to try and force a friendship.
If I do change opinion about someone, the situation changes, but I wouldn't purely because they tried to "bury the hatchet".
I think a big factor is the question of what stage in life did this enmity occur?
I've had three "archenemies" in my life, one from childhood, two from adulthood.
The childhood enemy, a guy -- we were both jerks to each other way back in sixth grade when we first met, through middle school. As we entered high school I grew out of it and tried to "live and let live", he and his now-gathered group of cronies remained focused on me no matter what. I endured a lot of bullying although they were afraid to confront me directly. In a rather girlish manner they were always pulling things behind my back, screwing up assignments and projects to which multiple people had access, phoning up girls in whom I was interested and claiming to be me and saying horrible things, etc. It made my life hell.
But with adult retrospect, as hard as my own home-life was, I find myself wondering on occasion what their own lives were like at home to turn them into such weenies. It's made me question things whenever I've thought of them over the years, especially the ringleader. He was talented, intelligent -- but for some reason a jerk where I was concerned despite otherwise being well-liked.
I've often wondered whether our enmity came from being a lot alike, both artistic, both well-spoken, etc. In fact, if we hadn't started as enemies, I've wondered whether we might have been best friends -- although I doubt it. Anyone who can just focus on causing pain and misery to others has something wrong with them, in my opinion. If you dislike me that much just leave me alone.
The next two were both women, both in adulthood.
One was an officer. We met when she was introducing herself to her new unit and it was one of those chemical things, shaking hands but eyeing one another askance, sensing a palpable tension for which there was no explanation. Within two days I was hearing bad things about myself from the powers that be (her controlling section) while knowing good and well she'd never even had a chance to review my work or records.
It never made any sense and ultimately I tried to leave her section. Other sections were begging for me to come over (my stats were excellent, way ahead of the pack) but she forestalled it repeatedly. This ultimately resulted in a reprimand toward her by even higher authority and her next move was to deny a tour extension I requested "at commander's discretion" since she lacked any solid reasons.
The other was a female coworker who was training me on a technical position. During this time we were, coincidentally, both jockeying for slots with higher rank (Air Force WAPS testing). I could have sat in a corner openly masturbating while singing the national anthem and she'd never bat an eye, but the second I picked up the promotion book to study (working 12-hour shifts the nights get long) she'd throw the guide for the tech position in front of me and tell me I needed to study.
Finally I was forced to request early testing, where I passed with flying colors, just to get her off my back. Because I'd already complained and her explanation was that I was supremely unqualified for the position in question she greatly resented my early testing and doing very well on that test. Nevertheless, trainign was over. Also, we both tested and made Staff Sergeant (E5, AF) so one would think the situation would be over, alleviated -- but no. It's not the way of such people.
She was illegally dating (both married) the head of our section and it got so I couldn't do anything right. I was finally forced to seek secondary validation for everything I did just to have confirmation to keep myself out of trouble.
In neither of those cases do I look back and wonder whether things might have been different. These women were adults in adult situations, bringing venom to bear for no good reason other than petulance and a witchy nature.
On a professional level I wouldn't pull either from in front of a bus.
On a personal level I'd push both of them in front of a bus and consider it for the good of humanity.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
You can try to take the high road, but be careful.
