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I know my title sounds pathetic, and this post will probaly be a little long. But here it goes. I am a female, and I have been in a relationship with another female for 13 years and legally married for 2. About 9 months ago my wife started to cheat on me. The other woman was married also at the time the affair started, and cheated on her husband with 4 other men before begining an affair with my wife. My wife even wanted her to leave her husband but she refused. During this 9 month period my wife has left me 5 times (the last time was this past Friday). When she comes back everything goes great between us until this girl starts to call again saying how lonely she is because she doesnt have anyone. Me and my wife have had a crazy 13 years together, we were involved in drugs and other not great things. I went to prison to be with her (I know stupid), but I can say that, that is where I hit bottom. And I have been clean off drugs for 6 years (I dont know if she has). When I meet my wife she had a problem with self mutilation. I helped her work through that and she finally stopped. Then once she started this affair she started doing it again. The woman she is with is also in to cutting herself, and sucking blood. Plus the tarrot cards, and she doesnt believe in God. I say this because myself and my wife used to pray all of the time together and go to bible study and all of that stopped. My wife is 31, and her girlfriend is 26. It has been 5 days since she has left. Usually when she leaves I call her and text her and beg her to come back. But this time I have not, I have wanted to. And it is hard not to. But I am trying to be strong. So now my wife is calling our friends and telling them how happy she is. And sending my roommate and soon text messages. Asking how I am doing and saying that she will always love me. Me and this other person are so different. My wife has said to me and others that the thing she does not like about this other woman as that she is weak. She is her yes man, and never tells my wife no. My friends tell me to hold strong and not to call her or text her and to let her finally face the consequences of her actions. My wife has always been plagued with people abandoning her and giving up on her, and I never have. She has often thanked me for never giving up on her. To sum it up I do not want a divorce. I want to save my marriage. I need to know how. I believe that any thing is possible even this. I believe that if you truly love someone you dont give up on them. I also know that I cant keep letting her go back in forth. That is why I am hoping that by not calling or texting her maybe she will (and maybe she will never) see what she has given up. This woman has told my wife that she is infatuated with her. I am willing to forgive and forget (I know stupid me). But I just need some advise, on how to move on and get over the hurt. I know there is a way to win her back. I think she tries to stay in contact with me because she fears the unknow with this other person, and in her heart she knows that I would stay with her forever, and she is unsure of this other person. I am sure many will say give up, but I have never given up on anything that I truly believe in, and I truly believe in our love. Any advice you can give would be appreciated. I am sure that I am leaving a lot out. But hopefully I have said enough.
I would not be begging someone to come back to me after treating me this way. Have more respect for yourself and the next time she leaves, change the locks and keep her out of your life.
I think you need to talk to a psychologist (not a marriage counselor) and wean yourself out of this relationship. And if you've been away from drugs for six years, go to some Narcotics Anonymous meetings and spend time with sane people.
You need to help yourself because it sounds like your wife is making her own life worse, and you don't need that. Good luck to you - I wish you all the best.
I know my title sounds pathetic, and this post will probaly be a little long. But here it goes. I am a female, and I have been in a relationship with another female for 13 years and legally married for 2. About 9 months ago my wife started to cheat on me. The other woman was married also at the time the affair started, and cheated on her husband with 4 other men before begining an affair with my wife. My wife even wanted her to leave her husband but she refused. During this 9 month period my wife has left me 5 times (the last time was this past Friday). When she comes back everything goes great between us until this girl starts to call again saying how lonely she is because she doesnt have anyone. Me and my wife have had a crazy 13 years together, we were involved in drugs and other not great things. I went to prison to be with her (I know stupid), but I can say that, that is where I hit bottom. And I have been clean off drugs for 6 years (I dont know if she has). When I meet my wife she had a problem with self mutilation. I helped her work through that and she finally stopped. Then once she started this affair she started doing it again. The woman she is with is also in to cutting herself, and sucking blood. Plus the tarrot cards, and she doesnt believe in God. I say this because myself and my wife used to pray all of the time together and go to bible study and all of that stopped. My wife is 31, and her girlfriend is 26. It has been 5 days since she has left. Usually when she leaves I call her and text her and beg her to come back. But this time I have not, I have wanted to. And it is hard not to. But I am trying to be strong. So now my wife is calling our friends and telling them how happy she is. And sending my roommate and soon text messages. Asking how I am doing and saying that she will always love me. Me and this other person are so different. My wife has said to me and others that the thing she does not like about this other woman as that she is weak. She is her yes man, and never tells my wife no. My friends tell me to hold strong and not to call her or text her and to let her finally face the consequences of her actions. My wife has always been plagued with people abandoning her and giving up on her, and I never have. She has often thanked me for never giving up on her. To sum it up I do not want a divorce. I want to save my marriage. I need to know how. I believe that any thing is possible even this. I believe that if you truly love someone you dont give up on them. I also know that I cant keep letting her go back in forth. That is why I am hoping that by not calling or texting her maybe she will (and maybe she will never) see what she has given up. This woman has told my wife that she is infatuated with her. I am willing to forgive and forget (I know stupid me). But I just need some advise, on how to move on and get over the hurt. I know there is a way to win her back. I think she tries to stay in contact with me because she fears the unknow with this other person, and in her heart she knows that I would stay with her forever, and she is unsure of this other person. I am sure many will say give up, but I have never given up on anything that I truly believe in, and I truly believe in our love. Any advice you can give would be appreciated. I am sure that I am leaving a lot out. But hopefully I have said enough.
I do know people treat you they way you allow them to treat you, You dont force them to do or say those things to you, but you stay there and put up with it
She obvious dont love you, She's not a little girl she knows right from wrong.
Why stay in a relationship if your not happy?
Do yourself a favor get your **** together,
Go get yourself educated, do this world a favor and contribute to society in a positive way
Cuz let me tell you the world would appreciate you more, then a selfish person would
It should be about you now
And no more about her
The other women just did you a favor, She took a selfish person out of your life, Thats one negative thing you have to worry about
Now work on eliminating all the other negative things in your life
Good luck
and good luck without her
How old are you? It seems to me that you have your life together, but your ex does not. Stay strong. Stay clean. And if you are indeed like your screen name "crazysexycool" then start afresh with a new girlfriend, one that doesn't have all the baggage that your ex has.
And do change your locks, your phone numbers and email addresses. Just make it difficult for your ex to contact you.
Your ex just doesn't sound worth having back in your life. You can do better.
Oh dear, what a mess. It's easy to feel your pain but difficult to know what to say as it seems you're adamant about maintaining the marriage whatever the cost to yourself. Which begs the question, how much do you really care about yourself? Your wife has continuously cheated on and left you, only to return when for a short while "everything goes great between us" until the (inevitable) backtracking starts all over again. Are you seeking martyrdom? Do you honestly think anything is going to change? Are you content to live this rollercoaster relationship ride for the rest of your life? Where do you see yourself in 10,20,30 years time?
Have the two of you ever sought professional counseling? If not why not?
You've made one small step in the right direction this time around in that you haven't YET done what you've done before - called, texted, begged etc. It's a small accomplishment but if you've been clean for over 6 years then you know how that works, the one day at a time routine.
I'm guessing you're still relatively young (you didn't say how old you are and I'm just assuming you're not much more than 40) and I hope my questions will get you thinking just a little in terms of what the future holds. You've still got a life ahead of you whatever is your age and only you can determine what's best for you in the long run.
Being a reliable and dependable crutch for someone who continually abuses your trust isn't exactly a great self-reference. Just to hurl some other over-used platitudes your way, you can't truly love someone until you love yourself first and I'm thinking you just don't love yourself enough. You should be proud of what you've accomplished, have every right to be. You can't save someone unless they want to be saved. Your wife needs a massive dose of tough love and you're probably the only one who can lay down the rules and give it to her. Fail at that and you fail yourself. Good luck, my dear!
I am 35 years old. I hate to admit this but this isnt the first woman she has done this to me with. When we went to prison I got out first, I was taking care of her while she was in there. And then one day I received a letter that I thought was from her but it was from the other woman telling me how her and my wife where in love and she didnt want anymore to do with me. After getting over that I was able to focus on myself. And great things began to happen for me. I got a great job, a car, graduated a program, found a great place to live, and started dating someone else. And then here she came again. I am currently in my 3rd year of school, I have fabulous friends and kids, and a great job, and I started counseling I think I hurt because she has walked away with no regrets, while I am in pain her and this person are happy. It does make me question what is wrong with me. First it was why is this other woman better than me. She is a cheater just like my wife, and she gets my wifes love, and loyalty and I get nothing. But what is wrong with me that I feel I cant live without a person like this. It hurts to feel like I meant nothing to her. But I believe in karma and what goes around comes around. But I dont know how to say okay enough is enough, she is not worthy of you and you deserve better, and truly believe it. I am lost, and hurt.
The other woman isn't better than you. How can you even justify such stupid reasoning? Read your thread-opener as I'm not going to point out to you everything you related which I thought I already addressed at least partially and is right there in black and white. Keep reading and take some time to THINK, for goodness' sake. Karma is elusive and only comes around when you stop being a dipsheet.
Take a nap, go for a walk, leave it all until tomorrow.
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