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I am shortly going to be divorced. The trouble is, that does not mean one month. It means 1.5 years. We both know it and can hardly wait--we are together for financial reasons and there is a clear end in sight.
My problem is, while we really no longer have a relationship we share a house and extended family. I am lonely and bec I grew up with brothers, I really miss having close male friends. I just don't have the same comfort level with very many women. It's gotten to the point I am not comfortable going to see my husband's friends because of his hostility.
I don't want to have an affair, I am really not interested. However I have a couple of casual male acquaintances that I'd like to spend more time with, or at least stop signaling that I am absolutely part of a couple. One is just a guy I met in the neighborhood and the other is a friend of one of my brothers.
So, if you knew a married woman who you liked, but wasn't available, what is the line that I must not cross? Must I not talk about relationships at all, must I not talk about doing things, must I not talk about the kids (all grown mostly), or (I already know this) not trash the almost-ex?
Don't tell me to rush the schedule; I am totally decided to wait until the debt is paid and two residences will mess that up totally. I just want to develop the friendships if possible and not "cross the line".
I would wait until the divorce is through and you are in a position to be able to date freely.
Get your finances together, get a decent place to live and work on getting yourself happy and in a good place.
Going through a divorce really shakes you, financially, mentally, psychologically. It's better to spend some time just pampering you before you rush into another man-focused relationship.
I'm not sure there is a specific line....but Djuna is correct.
If you've waited this long, another year and half should be a piece of cake. You're going to have a hell of a time trying to figure out the male brain/train of thought.
A co-worker is getting a divorce and her ex is living with his new SO in their old house. She lives in another house with her new SO. They are both technicaly still married. He doesn't want to sign the papers because of things financially. She is supposedly this holy roller.
I would wait until the divorce is through and you are in a position to be able to date freely.
Get your finances together, get a decent place to live and work on getting yourself happy and in a good place.
Going through a divorce really shakes you, financially, mentally, psychologically. It's better to spend some time just pampering you before you rush into another man-focused relationship.
If both of you are only together for financial reasons, and both know that it is over and can't wait for it to be finalized, then why wait yourself? The relationship is over and there is no more need to stay faithful since in reality, you would not be cheating and the only thing I can discern is that you do not want to cross the line because your 'husband' might go aggro? Do you think that your husband is going to wait a year and half before he starts knocking boots?
It is quite easy to make friends with males without crossing the line, and trust me, most guys appreciate -and want- a good female friend with whom they know things are not going to get ruined by having sex with.
Just be casual. Casually mention that you are not interested in having an 'affair'. Casually mention that you enjoy their company, but you are not interested in dating or getting involved in any other way. Just don't flirt and don't touch them excessively or in a manner that is not required.
I am shortly going to be divorced. The trouble is, that does not mean one month. It means 1.5 years. We both know it and can hardly wait--we are together for financial reasons and there is a clear end in sight.
I was just reading another thread that was asking when you should divorce. Something I've been considering. I suppose this answers that question. When you are excited about no longer being with your spouse and can hardly wait to get the divorce, then it's time to divorce.
I met and started dating my now husband 6 months after separating from my first husband. We weren't divorced for another 6 months. It was supposed to be casual, fun, nothing serious.
Thinking back, I wish I had waited until the divorce was final. I wish I had spent that year focusing on myself, going to therapy, being with girlfriends, family, etc. If my head and heart had been in order, I would never of even gone a date with the man I'm married to now. I would of realized that I was jumping head first into quick sand.
Why date? There are a million things you can do to "pass the time" between now and the divorce.
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