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Is that how you talk to your friend? The one you claim to care so much about? Doubtful. But thanks for sharing how you really feel. I'm sure he'd love to hear it. I'm sure he'd love to know that you feel people who are overweight deserve to be alone and unloved. Funny, though, how there are plenty of overweight people who are happily married or in relationships. BTW, how are the personals working for you?
Tell you what--and this is coming from someone who is not obese by any stretch--I'd rather date someone who was overweight than someone with the attitude you display here. It is not only distinctly lacking in compassion, but entirely offensive and flat-out nasty and cruel.
Yep. Better hope it never happens to you.
My friend is a different situation because we did not exchange vows to be romantically, emotionally and sexually together, therefore his weight does not effect my love life.
If we were married, and he told me that his obesity is all about him as you have suggest on this thread, I would kick him to the curb in a heartbeat.
That other people don't mind a fat partner is fine for them. If the two parties in marriage are happy with the extra weight (or even despite the extra weight) more power to them. But you can't point to someone else's happy fat marriage and make the claim everyone should be happy with a fat marriage. A marriage is a partnership, and anyone who would dig in their heels rather than do their best to remain attractive to their spouse has it coming if they get ditched. Furthermore, if you truly love a person you should make "til death do us part" happen as far down the line as possible. Continuing a lifestyle of obesity is a middle finger FU to living a long life with your spouse.
It didnt happen while i was married but while we were dating my DH had gained a huge amount of weight he says he was 300lbs at his max but i know it was a little more than that. Of course I knew he had gained weight but it didnt affect anything between us. He one day decided WOW this is crazy and lost about 70+lbs in a year and has pretty much been at a steady wieght but has recently decided that he would be happier with some more weight loss and has slowly lost even more weight. But I must say that this was years ago so going through some old family photos recently we came across a picture of a group of us and I nearly missed my DH because he looked so different. I will love him regardless but I am very happy that he has decided to become more health conscious.
The idea that couples "let themselves go" after marriage is backed up by mounting evidence. There's no denying married couples watch more TV, eat more, and exercise less than singles.
Studies show that women do tend to put on a few more pounds than men after marriage. Nevertheless, men pack on the pounds as well.
So yeah, first comes love, then comes obesity is a reality. After the 'hunt' is over, I guess it's time to feast and feast and feast.
My friend is a different situation because we did not exchange vows to be romantically, emotionally and sexually together, therefore his weight does not effect my love life.
If we were married, and he told me that his obesity is all about him as you have suggest on this thread, I would kick him to the curb in a heartbeat.
...
Who you personally would rather date is irrelevant to the thread topic.
Who I am or am not dating, and my use of personal ads are also irrelevant to this thread topic.
By trying to make them relevant, you prove yourself to be highly immature and incapable of having an intelligent discussion with someone of a differing opinion. Grow up.
I'm sure your attitude comes through loud and clear with those you date as it does here--which explains a lot. Yes, your dating is relevant, because you've complained several times about not being able to find a man your age who is "not fat." It has been the subject of threads you start, and it has been something you work into threads other people start.
As others have said to you in various ways, the men you seek expect certain qualities in the women they date, the first and foremost being heart. Ragging on people who struggle with their weight demonstrates a distinct lack thereof. Good men don't want to be around women who spit venom like you've done here. There's a difference between taking a stand on something and being hateful. Of course, given that you said yourself that you are surprised at how enjoyable it is to be nice to someone (LOL, really? is it that rare an occurrence with you?) it's no wonder that you are reacting to what I've said the way you are: Apparently you can't tell the difference.
You've been called out on your hatred of overweight people, Onglet. Good luck with that.
How about the stress of being married to an ahole?
Looks like you didn't think of that.
You wouldn't believe the number of women who cope with a bad marriage by eating. They eat because it's the only thing in their lives that makes them feel nurtured. They eat because they are tired because--say it with me, kids--they work fulltime, come home, and have to do all of the chores while their lazy-arse husbands sit on the couch thinking their own work ended at 5:00.
As for the part about telling the wife how fat she's getting, come on, Denny. Women have mirrors. Women have scales. Women have clothes that have to be replaced in bigger sizes. They don't need their husbands' "helpful suggestions" couched in terms of "a health standpoint" when 99% of the time it's really about the husband's sexual desires and whether he's embarrassed to be seen in public with a fat wife. Get with reality, man!
As a husband, or wife unfortunately you do have the responsibility to try to help your spouse stay healthy. Standing by and watching a big weight gain, or a smoking or drinking or other unhealthy habit while saying nothing is irresponsible. After all, if your health is gone - what do you have? When a spouse is middle aged and you see these things happening, you really have to speak up. If you take the easy road and "live and let live" you may both pay for it, in spades. Sometimes the truth hurts, but that is part of the tough job of being a good spouse.
Of course if the comments are disguised attempts to control or hurt the spouse, that is entirely another matter. But to relegate this concern to just the "husband's sexual desires" or being an "ahole" is blatant misandry. Never heard of that word? Look it up.
Is having a preference for people who are in shape and not wanting someone who's overweight the same as hating them? Complaining about not being able to find people who are in shape isn't the same as saying you have an attitude against them. It's just an expression of preference, the same way you might say you're only attracted to men who are tall. Does that make you a bigot against short men?
I'm sure your attitude comes through loud and clear with those you date as it does here--which explains a lot. Yes, your dating is relevant, because you've complained several times about not being able to find a man your age who is "not fat." It has been the subject of threads you start, and it has been something you work into threads other people start.
As others have said to you in various ways, the men you seek expect certain qualities in the women they date, the first and foremost being heart. Ragging on people who struggle with their weight demonstrates a distinct lack thereof. Good men don't want to be around women who spit venom like you've done here. There's a difference between taking a stand on something and being hateful. Of course, given that you said yourself that you are surprised at how enjoyable it is to be nice to someone (LOL, really? is it that rare an occurrence with you?) it's no wonder that you are reacting to what I've said the way you are: Apparently you can't tell the difference.
You've been called out on your hatred of overweight people, Onglet. Good luck with that.
So when you can't defend your position, you childishly go off on irrelevant & ad hominem tangents about the person, because you don't posses the intellectual capacity to debate.
I am not surprised.
No matter how much you kick and scream and pound your fists on the floor, at the end of the day everyone is entitled to be attracted to whomever they like. And a spouse is entitled to a healthy partner who does his/her best to stay alive and happy for as long as possible.
Do you think it's right for a man to feel like he he has to tiptoe
around his wife or be made to feel like certain subjects are off
limits? I agree that someone who's overweight already knows it and
doesn't need their spouse to remind them of that fact. But not saying
anything can cause harm too. A buddy of mine has a wife with a weight
problem. She's been out of work for 2 years. She sits at home
depressed, eating lots of junk food and drinking. My friend never tells
her to get a job or lose weight. But he's learned from some of her
friends that she's actually passed up applying for jobs they've sent
her. Why? Because she's been rejected so many times that now she
doesn't even want to try. I'm sure you've seen people who do this with
their weight. They try and fail, try and fail, until finally they just
don't bother anymore because they're convinced they're just going to
fail again. So even though they know what they need to do, they no
longer WANT to. Is a supportive spouse still supposed to keep quiet?
What if that person wants help, but they're too afraid to ask?
Denny, I've noticed that you like to talk about what is ideal. That's nice. Wouldn't it be lovely if every husband and wife could have the kind of communication where no one takes anything personally unless it's in a good way? Wouldn't it be nice if we could all say whatever we want, however we want, and not worry about whether the way we phrase things is hurtful or insulting?
Well, tough noogs. Life and marriage don't work that way. There are always going to be subjects that are off-limits, if not weight, then something else. That is reality. If you know (and I use "you" in the general) from experience that a subject is going to cause a freak-out, yes, you keep your mouth shut. You've said your piece the first time, the person heard you. Sure the person got upset, but that is because he or she heard you.
What many people fail to understand is that when it comes to weight, like quitting smoking, it needs to be mentioned only once. All too often, it goes further than that and ventures into pressure and nagging. Self-interest on the part of the "helper" (I want a hot spouse, I want to be sexually attracted, I don't want to be left alone when the person dies, I don't want to raise kids alone, I, I, I, I, me, me, me, me) takes over. It's human nature.
It's just that eating, like smoking, is not about you. It's about the person doing it. It's about what is going on inside the person.
It's interesting to me, because I'm getting repped out the yin-yang for my comments on this thread. It seems that either folks get that point or they don't.
Is having a preference for people who are in shape and not wanting someone who's overweight the same as hating them? Complaining about not being able to find people who are in shape isn't the same as saying you have an attitude against them. It's just an expression of preference, the same way you might say you're only attracted to men who are tall. Does that make you a bigot against short men?
My husband is overweight. Not obese, but nonetheless too heavy. In my non-existent list of potential partner material, I have a preference for people who are in shape. Most people probably do - most people probably have preferences for themselves to be in good shape. A preference has nothing to do with what is.
My preference for people being in relatively good physical shape does not take preference over my preference for a brain or a heart, whether or not I am married to them.
And he has always been aware of over-weight women just as Avienne pointed out in one of her posts, but been completely oblivious to his own weight. Go figure.
He has health problems, and in a non-aggressive way I have nudged him in the direction of better nutrition. But I would never dream of saying anything to him about his weight.
I am lucky enough to be naturally thin and can only imagine how hard it would be for someone who isn't, to be nagged over and over again.
No matter how much you kick and scream and pound your fists on the floor, at the end of the day everyone is entitled to be attracted to whomever they like. And a spouse is entitled to a healthy partner who does his/her best to stay alive and happy for as long as possible.
Everyone is entitled to their opinions and to be attracted to whomever they are attracted to.
And when people are nasty with the words they use, everyone is entitled to notice and deem them ugly for it.
If you don't like the way you're being perceived over and over again, maybe the trouble is in how you present your arguments. But of course, you're not interested in being pleasant. You're interested in expressing your opinion.
Good luck with the personals.
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I will love him regardless but I am very happy that he has decided to become more health conscious.
Do you have an agenda?
