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I have been married for 22 years, with grown children. Over the years, my marriage has survived both physical and emotional abuse because my husband promised to change...and he did somewhat. There has been no more physical abuse, but because of his temper, the emotional abuse happens from time to time. Because of this, my love has changed. I still have feelings for him, but nothing like when we were first married. My problem is I feel sorry for him. I know that sounds crazy, but I do. If I leave him, he will be devastated...and yet, I do not feel what I should for him. We have a history, a mortgage, and a commitment. What takes precedence?
It can be a difficult choice to make. Essentially, would you be happier without him - and possibly alone - than with him? If only fear of the unknown is holding you back from choosing, then realize that it IS a risk that you'll be worse off, but there is the potential to be happier.
When I finally decided to end my first marriage, the biggest obstacle was fear of the unknown. In my case, overcoming that fear was the best thing I ever did, and I am far, far better off now, and was able to find the happiness I'd been missing for so long.
I have been married for 22 years, with grown children. Over the years, my marriage has survived both physical and emotional abuse because my husband promised to change...and he did somewhat. There has been no more physical abuse, but because of his temper, the emotional abuse happens from time to time. Because of this, my love has changed. I still have feelings for him, but nothing like when we were first married. My problem is I feel sorry for him. I know that sounds crazy, but I do. If I leave him, he will be devastated...and yet, I do not feel what I should for him. We have a history, a mortgage, and a commitment. What takes precedence?
If you have to ask that question, it's time to go. In fact, you should have left the moment he first abused you.
I know, Mercury Cougar, you are right...and I did leave, but because he carried on, begged, pleaded, and went into therapy, I returned...but you know, the love was never the same...and if anything, I felt resentment. Ugh. I have no idea why I feel torn, but I do. There is a part of me dying to escape, and then the other that thinks that there is just too many years and a commitment to walk away. You know the old saying, when you can't make a decision, you should do nothing? Well, that has been me for years, and I am tired of keeping myself in a holding pattern.
Let me get this......you got beat up by him and am suffered emotional abuse and you care about him being devastated? Pfft...screw him let him jump off a cliff if he wants, and start concerning yourself with you. Why should you be unhappy because you have too many years in? You only have one life....so go and live it.
Please believe I am not defending him in any way, but I did not "get beat up." Yes, there was abuse, and yes, I did leave. Those issues were resolved, but the problem is the emotional hurt is still there. I have tried to forgive, but that never seemed to completely happen...and he still can be hurtful with his words...it is just the way he is and has been brought up by his parents. My indecision comes because there are many positives in the marriage, and I know he tries...but it is a roller coaster of a marriage...one that I am tired of riding. Does that make sense to anyone? Any advice?
Hi,
All marriages are roller coaster rides, well, most I should say. It's one of the hardest realtionships you will ever have. You get married and you say a vow "for better or for worse" and even if you don't say that, God bound you together, and He HATES divorce! I've been there, I decided to follow God's word, all of lifes answers are in the bible. I will pray for you♥
I have tried to forgive, but that never seemed to completely happen...and he still can be hurtful with his words...it is just the way he is and has been brought up by his parents.
That is maybe one of your problems as to why you cannot move on, and still carry resentment inside, is you have not completely forgiven him.
I say either find it in yourself to forgive him, and finish the rest of your life out with him, since "this is just the way he is" or make a decision to move on, and get out of it!
If I was a woman and there was even one incident of physical abuse that would be the end of the marriage right then and there. I'd call the police and either I would immediately move out or else he would, depending on the circumstances. That is just unacceptable behavior. Emotional abuse might not cause physical injury but it absolutely causes psychological trauma and it is also something I would not tolerate. I honestly don't know why someone would even ask this question when the answer is so obvious. The answer is to get this guy out of your life ASAP.
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