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A little about our background: We both grew up in PA and lived there over 28 years. We moved to FL 11 years ago. The problem is my DH wants to go back to PA and this is very common in couples that live here now. One loves FL and the other wants to go back home. My DH doesn't like it here. My kids
(16,20) love it here. My 20 year old wants to stay, my 16 year old is willing to move.
The problem is that I DO NOT want to go back to PA even though our family is there. I can't take the looong winters. (8 months) I get very depressed without sunshine. (SAD) My DH is a landscaper and he can't take the heat in FL.
I think to solve the situation, we should compromise. I agreed to go as far north as NC. We both like NC. My DH likes the country and I like the suburbs. Therefore, I feel we get a little of each. We both like the seasons it has to offer.
The thing is that I feel my DH still won't be happy unless we are in PA where we moved from. Everytime, I try to ask him, he says "I just want to get out of FL". He gets on these kicks where he says "I can't wait to move back to PA".
I like it here in FL and I feel if he isn't going to be happy anywhere but PA, why should we move? I'm willing to compromise. The only other option that is tough is if we split the time between PA and FL. (that's only if work permits b/c we are both self employed) Summers (May 31-Sept 1) in PA and the rest of the time in FL. (snowbirds)
I'm just looking for suggestions and I appreciate any.
The problem seems to be that both climates are at the extreme end of the spectrum so a compromise actually makes some sense. The snowbird option is actually very expensive and complicated because you have two states with a different set of taxes and maintaining two households means that you need to establish two furnished homes and be able to pay the bills for both of them. I'm very familiar with this difficulty because I lived in a 55+ community in Chandler, Arizona and the majority of the people lived in either Canada or the northern states of the US. Unless you're rich I don't find this situation to be appealing.
Is it mainly the weather he has a problem with? If that is the case then I think moving to NC would be good esp. since your 16 doesn't seem to mind (seems like they would want to finish HS at their current school). Hate to say it but I wouldn't worry about what your 20 year old wants. They are an adult now, so if they don't like it they can stay in FL and you can move without them.
Why does he want to move back to PA? Is he homesick or does he miss family?
I think that anywhere you both can have the most stable income would be best. Because your husband is a landscaper, I think somewhere it doesn't snow would be better ... but you didn't say what you did.
NC sounds better to me, because you'll be closer to the 20-year-old if he decides to stay, plus the weather is nicer. (It is, isn't it? I've never been to NC but hear it is nice.) However, if your husband is bent on going to PA for a particular reason (to be near his mom, for example), you're going to have a hard time getting around that.
I think my DH has good memories when we lived in PA. He misses when the kids were younger growing up there. He misses the country, which I don't care for. He misses when the first snow of the winter came. I think he thinks it's going to be the same if we moved back there. I told him when you move back somewhere, it's never the same.
Another problem is that he only had work 6 months out of the year on PA and I had a terrible time finding work at all. He might find work, but I doubt ppl would use my pet sitting service. We lived in a resort area and everyone who lives there struggles to make a living. He thinks we'll be happy b/c it's alot less expensive to live there and we can have a paid off house. He just wants a simple life which I feel isn't reality. It may work if you are retired, but we are just 40.
If we move to Raleigh, we could both continue our businesses. The cost of living is comparable to Orlando. We would be 9 hours from FL if our daughter would stay here and 9 hours from PA where the rest of our family is located.
My head keeps spinning about the decision. The next issue is that we would need to make a decision on what we would do with our house. The RE market is terrible now. We could probably break even for what we purchased the house in 2004. (I guess that's better than alot of other ppl) Renting wouldn't be an option b/c it would be to difficult if we lived 9 hours away or so ppl say.
What to do? Yeah, my son is in 11th grade and has no problem moving. He is very close to my husband and me and spends all of his time with us.
I think my DH has good memories when we lived in PA. He misses when the kids were younger growing up there. He misses the country, which I don't care for. He misses when the first snow of the winter came. I think he thinks it's going to be the same if we moved back there. I told him when you move back somewhere, it's never the same.
Another problem is that he only had work 6 months out of the year on PA and I had a terrible time finding work at all. He might find work, but I doubt ppl would use my pet sitting service. We lived in a resort area and everyone who lives there struggles to make a living. He thinks we'll be happy b/c it's alot less expensive to live there and we can have a paid off house. He just wants a simple life which I feel isn't reality. It may work if you are retired, but we are just 40.
If we move to Raleigh, we could both continue our businesses. The cost of living is comparable to Orlando. We would be 9 hours from FL if our daughter would stay here and 9 hours from PA where the rest of our family is located.
My head keeps spinning about the decision. The next issue is that we would need to make a decision on what we would do with our house. The RE market is terrible now. We could probably break even for what we purchased the house in 2004. (I guess that's better than alot of other ppl) Renting wouldn't be an option b/c it would be to difficult if we lived 9 hours away or so ppl say.
What to do? Yeah, my son is in 11th grade and has no problem moving. He is very close to my husband and me and spends all of his time with us.
Well i was gonna say wait until he is done school to move, but you answered that one. But it seems like your husband just wants to move back into his comfort zone is all, and i would doubt he would be happy anywhere but pa. Since you spent most of your early life there i say just stay in fl....he had plenty of time there...and i doubt he really hates it as much as he says. Once he gets used to the idea of not moving it will become a non issue i think.
Well i was gonna say wait until he is done school to move, but you answered that one. But it seems like your husband just wants to move back into his comfort zone is all, and i would doubt he would be happy anywhere but pa. Since you spent most of your early life there i say just stay in fl....he had plenty of time there...and i doubt he really hates it as much as he says. Once he gets used to the idea of not moving it will become a non issue i think.
Agreed.
If you're not willing to go to Pennsylvania, you need to shoot that one down right now. I want to move home to California SO badly, and DH keeps stringing me along with "Not yet...", "when the job market is better", "Maybe we can compromise to Colorado", etc. It's heart breaking. I need him to either start making plans to move, or just tell me that he's not willing to go and we're staying here, and that's that, so I can mentally come to terms with it.
If you're not willing to go to Pennsylvania, you need to shoot that one down right now. I want to move home to California SO badly, and DH keeps stringing me along with "Not yet...", "when the job market is better", "Maybe we can compromise to Colorado", etc. It's heart breaking. I need him to either start making plans to move, or just tell me that he's not willing to go and we're staying here, and that's that, so I can mentally come to terms with it.
I would just say well i'm moving you are free to come with me .
A little about our background: We both grew up in PA and lived there over 28 years. We moved to FL 11 years ago. The problem is my DH wants to go back to PA and this is very common in couples that live here now. One loves FL and the other wants to go back home. My DH doesn't like it here. My kids
(16,20) love it here. My 20 year old wants to stay, my 16 year old is willing to move.
The problem is that I DO NOT want to go back to PA even though our family is there. I can't take the looong winters. (8 months) I get very depressed without sunshine. (SAD) My DH is a landscaper and he can't take the heat in FL.
I think to solve the situation, we should compromise. I agreed to go as far north as NC. We both like NC. My DH likes the country and I like the suburbs. Therefore, I feel we get a little of each. We both like the seasons it has to offer.
The thing is that I feel my DH still won't be happy unless we are in PA where we moved from. Everytime, I try to ask him, he says "I just want to get out of FL". He gets on these kicks where he says "I can't wait to move back to PA".
I like it here in FL and I feel if he isn't going to be happy anywhere but PA, why should we move? I'm willing to compromise. The only other option that is tough is if we split the time between PA and FL. (that's only if work permits b/c we are both self employed) Summers (May 31-Sept 1) in PA and the rest of the time in FL. (snowbirds)
I'm just looking for suggestions and I appreciate any.
It sounds to me like your husband is doing what I've seen other guys his age start to do - get nostalgic for the way things were in the past. They seem to start getting a strong sense of their mortality as they approach 50.
Have you considered going to see a couples counselor together? This could help him to gain some understanding as to what is driving his strong desire to go someplace his family clearly doesn't wish to go.
It's like when people fight over the lid left off the toothpaste - it's never really about the toothpaste.
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The next issue is that we would need to make a decision on what we would do with our house. The RE market is terrible now. We could probably break even for what we purchased the house in 2004. (I guess that's better than alot of other ppl) Renting wouldn't be an option b/c it would be to difficult if we lived 9 hours away or so ppl say. 
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