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Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia, The World!
146 posts, read 267,877 times
Reputation: 227
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People who start a new thread on this forum are often vulnerable and for the most part genuinely seek the help/advice of other members.
Whilst I can understand people may not agree with the thoughts or actions mentioned by the individual describing a problem, it is disappointing to read judgmental, intolerant and narrow-minded responses. The latter have no redeeming feature and only serve to demonstrate the contributor's smug sense of their own moral superiority.
What is the point of posting if your meanness of spirit makes if impossible for you to offer any compassionate or constructive words?
On the other hand, I enjoy the occasional witty or light-hearted response, when it is more irreverent than nasty, because occasionally some of us want to have fun and engage playfully with others.
Last edited by Lost&Found; 01-15-2011 at 08:36 PM..
Reason: Fix mistake
Yea I think I might have come off as mean once or twice. B/c I just phrased my thoughts very simply and didn't have time to add icons or extraneous words.
That happens too sometimes, people don't neccessarily want to be mean but stuff reads differently than it is intended to!
There's also a certain "culture" to any large forum such as C-D. In our particular case I think it's a mix of Fooles such as myself and those who, shall we say, prefer a more direct method of engagement.
To survive in this culture I've had to re-learn some of life's lessons; indeed, one aspect of my life-philosophy is that I am constantly learning or re-learning those lessons that I need to learn, so whether it takes place here or in the real world matters little - it's still learning.
Seen that way, perhaps the mean-spirited are just as valuable teachers - or more so - as the Fooles. Balance is the objective - what better way to achieve it?
Maybe I do come off as mean-spirited sometimes but golly, I can't believe why people are doing what they are doing and being SO clueless about it. Where has common sense gone!
I should add, I'm not trying to be mean spirited but I'm not going to sugar coat anything either and blame the other person when in reality, it is their fault. If they ask for a honest answer, I do give my honest opinion.
What brings the dark side out in me are the people (this is in real life, too) who ask for advice/opinion/suggestions and then argue with you about it.
I think you are right...saying, "Why did you get yourself in this situation" is hardly helpful now that the person is in the situation. However, sometimes the op gives enough information to reveal that their general attitude towards life, money, relationships, etc, is totally F'd up and then they wonder why they get these outcomes. It can kinda go both ways.
There are several arts involved in successfully offering advice to someone in such an impersonal medium as a public forum. That's why therapists, counselors and psychiatrists that are truly effective are so rare - not many have the successful talents needed to bring forth willing change.
Taoist philosophy states that the successful leader is one whom no one realizes is doing the leading.
I'm probably guilty. In real life, I'm not the friend you come to for sympathy, I'm the friend you come to for a kick in the ass. And I'm sure that is true here too. But my impression is people come here for advice... good or bad. It doesn't state unconditional love anywhere...
And I've been called smug too, and I'm really not. I've made a boat load of mistakes in my life, and I suspect there are many more in my future.
If you ask for people's opinions, you can't realistically expect all of them to support and/or agree with you.
If you ask for people's opinions, you can't realistically expect all of them to support and/or agree with you.
Of course you have to figure out whether the OP is truly seeking advice with an open mind, or simply seeking validation...
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In real life, I'm not the friend you come to for sympathy, I'm the friend you come to for a kick in the ass. And I'm sure that is true here too. But my impression is people come here for advice... good or bad. It doesn't state unconditional love anywhere...
