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Well...that's what they ask you out for...for a chance to get to know you better. You go out again, talk, see if you click or not, and that's that. Nothing to lose. Sometimes when you're out in public people don't have more than 5 minutes to get to know you! As long as you're cautious, and the person asking is respectful, why not?
Well, five minutes is pretty short. You should at least know somebody's name and have spoken long enough to establish that you have a good rapport. I think 15-20 minutes is usually long enough for this, but it varies. More time is always nice, but, it's simply not possible very often, at least from a guy's perspective.
However, where you really erred was going into his house after speaking with him for five minutes (or 20, or 30, for that matter). You should have insisted on meeting in a public place.
Well, if they might not see you again what are they supposed to do?
Yes, after 5 minutes they are asking you out because they find you attractive, or observed you and thought you looked nice, fun... whatever. Nothing wrong with someone considering you attractive.
You always have the option of talking to them on the phone for awhile, or emailing or however you want to get to know them before meeting if that makes you feel better.
In general it's pretty much how most dating works.
Can you explain how you're "getting screwed" over the phone? If all he wants is your number, then he isn't getting any sex from you.
He might be just looking for conversation to see whether he WANTS to get to know you better.
The other thing that someone brought up, and I'm not looking back through the posts, is that 5 minutes may be all that YOU'RE aware of. He might have been quietly observing you for days.
Location: Where ocean meets up with the naked land.
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Well, I guess I have been somewhat influenced to think differently about dating. Some good points where brought up. The next guy who asks for my number who I feel is "kind", I'll strongly consider giving it to them..
If your social circle is all "fished out" then it's time to get out of your comfort zone and meet new people. Find some new hobbies, volunteer for a charity, take a class, or find a part time job. I meet tons of cool people at work. And I approach them for platonic friendships.
How often is a guy actually going to have meaningful, by your standards, interaction with you before asking you out? You don't have to give your number away on the fly but ruling it out all together, I would think, will limit your intetactions and you may miss out on something good. What if you have a brief encounter somewhere that does not allow you time to sit down and chat it up?
I have only dated one person without getting to know them pretty well first, and even then, that woman and I had bowled a couple of games together at a group function and hung out for a while with the group an chit-chatted afterwards about school, martial arts, etc.
How to get to know them first without dating? Being in the same class. Studying together. Mutual friends. Group get-togethers. Emailing. There are tons of ways.
I mean, what's the point of getting romantic hopes up if I know I'm going to disqualify you out-of-hand for lifestyle choices, career, values, future plans, etc?
Oh. We have different definitions of what dating can be. You seem to associate it as a "hook up" where some guy is trying to get in your pants. I see it as way to break ice and get to know each other. Date for a period of time and see if it's to be exclusive. Diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks.
But, hey, I actually never date so what the hell do I know. Perhaps you're right.
Clearly I have a much more old fashioned definition of dating. A "date" to me has romantic overtones, so I will only date one man at a time. If a man asks me out on a "date", it's been dinner and not just drinks at a bar. And he also picks up the tab. And I am willing for him to treat me as I consider it the start of his courtship of me. At the same time, I will dress up extra nice for these dates, which seems to make my dates happy.
With platonic male friends (where there is no romantic interest on my part), I will not accept them paying for my drinks or meal, not unless we are taking turns paying for each other. I feel that it would not be right for me to accept their generosity unless I have the intentions of being romantic back to them.
Another danger with trying to "date" a woman right away is that immediately she has to think about whether or not you are potential boyfriend material. So make sure that you aren't asking her out on a "date". Don't use the "date" word right away. Just ease into it and make her like you a lot before making her focus on just how much she likes you.
Within five minutes, one should be able to find some common interest or activity. Don't just spend five minutes milking the initial personality chemistry between the two of you. Ask if she is a student or where she works. If she spends time in the area you've met her in, then ask what her favorite lunch spot(s) are and what she orders. Then say that you hope to bump into her there. Finish with telling her where you work and what you do. If you have a work skill that's desirable, quickly hand her your business card and tell her that if she ever needs your professional advice, to shoot you an email. Be friendly, accessible, and laid back. Don't come on strong as a potential date. Remember most pretty women have a boyfriend already, maybe he isn't serious, but don't put her on the spot thinking that she might be cheating on him. Or if she's single, she's used to being hit upon by men. So stand out by not being a typical Romeo or hornball.
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