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I think this is a good question. My coping skills for stress are not as good as they could be. Some say it is a product of how you were brought up, etc. Anyway I was just wondering if anyone has any postive stories as to how they have coped with a tragedy or crisis. Thanks.
One of the worst things that have ever happened to me was when I was involved in a hold-up by about 4-5 people with shotguns (we got thrown into a freezer, hit with the gun and all...). i was panicking during the time....but being as there were about 20 of us...I wasn't passing out...however, after all was said and done...it was about 2 months before I go out to eat at night again (it happened in a restuarant), and whenever I did...I am not racist...but for a while I was scared whenever that particular race got sat at a table near me.
I am not sure you cope as much as survive. Years ago at an accident, I held a young girl ( 4 years old) as she died in my arms. I still see her eyes and hear her voice as I held her and reassured her. Many sleepless nights to this day. Nothing in school, college, or the police academy prepared me for this. Often I have held my girls, and have seen the light flicker from her eyes. This is when I ask God to look out for my children inspite of me.
I never talk about this but My youngest Son passed away many years ago when he was just a baby (heart problem) he could have been saved but because of a lazy doctor who didn't want to follow her oath he died, i gave him CPR and felt his life slip away.
There is no way to cope with it, time goes by and you learn to live with it, you put the what if this and what if that out of your mind and move on, it hurt then and it hurts now but there is nothing that can be done to change it.
I wish there was.
Several years ago when I was a movie theater manager, someone robbed the place, just minutes after a co-worker and I dropped off the nightly deposit at the bank. It turned out that the robber actually bought a movie ticket and was in the theater after the doors were locked. I remember being told to open the safe and give him all of the money. The only thing left was petty cash ($500) and he was upset. During the whole time, he was holding a gun right at my face, and at other employees too. However, I remember not being afraid. I was just very numb and did what I was told. The whole ordeal lasted probably five minutes but it felt like an eternity. I hope never to experience anything like that again.
Having your child die has to be the worst....some parents do not survive or cope.
Having A child die in your arms has to be almost as bad.
Having a parent or spouse or sibling die has to be next.
I lost my Mother...I'm surviving it, I'm coping with it with God's help but it still hurts every day. It does hurt less but it will always hurt. It's been over 5 years now.
I've also been robbed at gunpoint...looking back, for ME that didn't compare to losing my Mother. But that's ME. Liz
I think it was, when I was ten years old, my Dad got killed in a car wreck.
One night when I went to bed, I had a father....the next, he was gone.
I don't know how I survived.
I think sometimes now, after all the other things that have happened to me, I think I'm just numb sometimes....
I think one of the worst things I have had happen as an adult was the summer of 1999. My Father had a heart attack on July 7...before they could do the quad bypass, they found he had an infection so they had to clear that up before they could operate.
Finally after a couple weeks of staying in the hospital and loads of antibiotics...my Mother sleeping on a cot in his room, noting everything they did (My Mom was a nurse)...they finally operated.
While my Father was still coming out from the anesthesia, my Mother had a heart attack. I was at home...with my daughter who was only 2 at the time when I got the call, I was stunned and thought my Brother had mis spoke...I was sure he meant that my Father had another heart attack while in ICU. BUT no, it was my Mother who was in the ER, telling them she was fine and to let her go...while in the throws of a heart attack.
Finally my Father woke up...in ICU...wondering where my Mom was. His doctor told us to NOT tell him what had happened with Mom. We told him she had a cold and had been told to NOT let him catch it because of his weakened condition.
My Mother had stints inserted. I went from the Cardiac Care unit to the ICU to see them both...while kind neighbors took care of my 2 year old.
My Mom was up and out of there in no time. It took my Father longer, he had to go to a recovery center and then finally was home, in a hospital bed in the den. My daughter and I stopped by to see him one night, my daughter always liked to take his pen or his wallet and run off with it...he would always laugh.
The next morning he threw a clot and died...I have no words to explain how I felt. Now that I look back on it, I should have been more aware that a man of his age might not live forever but if anyone could live forever, it was my Dad...to watch him die in the ER...to know the blip on the moniter was from the resucitation efforts and not his own heart...words fail me.
I watched them call the code, pronounce him dead...I sat in numb silence with my Mother...then of course I had to wander if she was going to go next...then I went to the nurse who was a family friend and told her of my Mothers condition...the nurse started paying closer attention to Mom. The nurse also clipped a lock of my Fathers steel grey hair for me. I watched as they wheeled him out of the ER to take him to the funeral home.
The next few days were undescribable...I felt like someone had taken my snowglobe world and thrown it against a wall. When the next summer came, I made sure I was gone the whole summer...with each passing day I would have been reminded of that horrible summer.
How did I get over it...I don't think I have to be honest. Time dulls things...finally the dreams stopped, those used to drive me crazy. Now that I no longer live in the area, its a little easier. When I pass the cemetary back home...I feel quilty that I don't go there to see him...I no longer see a grey haired man my Fathers size and think its him...but it still tears me up inside...but not for the lack of attention of my Fathers pcp, I think my Father might have had more years with his family...I try to NOT think about that but its hard.
I think it was, when I was ten years old, my Dad got killed in a car wreck.
One night when I went to bed, I had a father....the next, he was gone.
I don't know how I survived.
I think sometimes now, after all the other things that have happened to me, I think I'm just numb sometimes....
I know. The numbness thing is a defense mechanism. I never thought I could survive my Mom dying at such a young age (50). It is hard to deal with when there isnt a long illness-
Last edited by dreamofmonterey; 07-18-2007 at 08:16 PM..
Reason: add
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