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I hate male friends. I am 40 and recently ended a relationship with a woman after 9 months because of her male friends. I tried to deal with them for a while. I tolerated their calls and how she constantly talked about one of them. But when i found out that one of them bought her a watch for her birthday which she didn't reveal to me. It was over. I moved out the next day. She insisted that she had no control over him buying the gift and that she didn't even know that he liked her. She told me that she would tell him never to call her again in my face, destroy the watch and even offered a to change the way she related to all of the other friends. But my problem is that it feels too little too late. I had been complaining and showing my unhappiness about this particular friend the whole time because he was the one without the regular gf. I could have even hung in there if she had even told me about it, but to find out about it on my own and have my lady lie about it(because like all stupid insecure men I would overreact). How right she was!!! Once you lie to cover up a guy, even if the guy is a close "Friend", there is no coming back from that.
I'm not saying all women are crap, but It would dog stupid to assume women are good until proven otherwise when all you have to have is a 5th grade reading complrehension and access to the internet to know that its opposite, women are crap until proven otherwise.
Now I ask up front, do you have a lot of guy friends? If they say yes or stammer, I don't eliminate them as a fun date but we aren't getting emotionally connected. I'd rather be another friend among 10 than to be the one guy who thinks that he has the best seat in the house only to find out that he has the worst and that he's actually being laughed at.
Being the boyfriend only means that you are getting the 'sex' it doesn't mean that the boyfriend(husband) is the most honourable spot in a womans life. Sometimes male friends could actually be in a more honourable position than the boyfriend.
I say if you see a male friend that she respects, be a friend. Because their relationship is built to outlast yours.
My ex had a lot of female friends on FB, they were friends since high school. Why would that bother me? I trusted him. Period. If one of them sent him a present, I would think maybe they were interested in more than friends... but I can't control what they want. My SO never would have hidden that, because.... he would have no need to. I sure as heck wouldn't punish him for something he had no control over.
I think your point is valid and I agree with you. I would not want my girlfriend or wife to have a lot of male friends either. At least no one that would be close to her and I'm older. Guys (as well as girls) can be underhanded and you never know what they are thinking. You want to protect what is yours (not literally of course) but I can remember many years ago some of "our friends" coming to my house when I was not home and I know they did not have the best of intentions. Here it is 40+ years later and I'm glad I acted and felt the way I did. I know she (my wife) also felt that way with the women friends that I had. Sure you can have friends, male and female, but I also believe there's a fine line going on there.
At first, I thought that idea is a bit harsh. However, looking at my life, I've designed it to be that my closest male friend is my husband. I agree that if a woman has a close guy friend, there is bound to be conflict. Yes, some of it can be based on insecurities. But that isn't all... I think that if your gut tells you a couple of friends are a little too close, you should follow that feeling. If it persists, perhaps that's not the relationship for you.
For example, I have a two friends who are dating. She confides in me some of things that irritate her about her BF. I know him well so without trying to take sides, I just usually listen. OK...enter another guy we know. She considers him a friend although her BF (and my husband) know him pretty well and can't stand him. SHE thinks that guy is her friend. It starts off so innocently but look at how it's playing out...
She gets mad at BF, who has said he's uncomfortable with her hanging out with this guy. She goes over to this guy's house for one excuse or another. She's gone to two concerts with him. Rides on his motorcycle and oohs and aahs over it. She has confessed to me that she thinks he's "dreamy"...but that she would never cheat on her BF. Well, come on now. You can't put yourself in situations where you allow his dreaminess to creep in and all the irritation you feel for your BF just disappears.
I don't like it. If you share friends with your mate, that's great. But I think if you have a VERY close friend of the opposite sex, the opportunity is there to pull you away from your mate. That's bad...why risk it? Plus, for me, all the things I could possibly share with another guy, I'd only want to share with my husband. So there you have it!
All depends on the extremes. Jealousy will ruin any relationship. If you know you are jealous and don't want to be, fine, you can work on it. But if you're jealous and feel justified I would say that's a red flag for a miserable relationship.
In my opinion the OP is on a road to a serious blow up. How long are you going to be able to "white knuckle" your feelings?
You know I want my GF to have friends so she can hang out and talk to people who aren't me. Whether it's women, men, doesn't matter. She's into me and not them for a reason.
I don't care how many male friends she has, as long as we have mutually agreed limits and boundaries that ARE respected and nothing is hidden. She does have male friends, and I have female friends. If someone is going to cheat, you really can't stop it, unless sometimes if you're a total control freak in which case you'll most likely end up alone soon anyway.
Having friends is normal, but if the SO doesn't like the friends, then why should he or she allow the relationship to continue? Personally, if I had an SO and he was VERY close to some other woman, I would not want to be his girlfriend or wife. I would stay away from the idea of becoming exclusive with him. If he wants us to be exclusive, I would tell him straight up that no woman is going to be closer to him than me. If he rejects the idea, then I know who he thinks is more important in his life.
I'm sure he's not a bad guy. In fact I'm pretty confident that he started out as a perpetual doormat for alot of girls, being the typical nice guy and all. Now he decides he wants to be an alpha male and he's done a pretty good job putting up the front (which got him his current girlfriend) but now he's worried about competition from other alpha males stealing her away.
Simply put, the guy hasn't developed his inner alpha male. That should come, with time.
he fantasizes about beating the **** out of her friends and wishes that harm comes their way. that's not an "alpha male," that's a ****ing psycho who winds up on the evening news.
I'm not a big fan of male friends but ya just gotta tell yourself that at the end of the night she's going home with you. Obviously everyone has their own comfort levels and you gotta make them clear, but if your comfort level doesn't match with hers then it's not gonna work out.
I hate male friends. I am 40 and recently ended a relationship with a woman after 9 months because of her male friends. I tried to deal with them for a while. I tolerated their calls and how she constantly talked about one of them. But when i found out that one of them bought her a watch for her birthday which she didn't reveal to me. It was over. I moved out the next day. She insisted that she had no control over him buying the gift and that she didn't even know that he liked her. She told me that she would tell him never to call her again in my face, destroy the watch and even offered a to change the way she related to all of the other friends. But my problem is that it feels too little too late. I had been complaining and showing my unhappiness about this particular friend the whole time because he was the one without the regular gf. I could have even hung in there if she had even told me about it, but to find out about it on my own and have my lady lie about it(because like all stupid insecure men I would overreact). How right she was!!! Once you lie to cover up a guy, even if the guy is a close "Friend", there is no coming back from that.
I'm not saying all women are crap, but It would dog stupid to assume women are good until proven otherwise when all you have to have is a 5th grade reading complrehension and access to the internet to know that its opposite, women are crap until proven otherwise.
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