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Mom decides to ditch her 17 year old son for some married guy she is having an affair with just at bthe precise point he needs her the most to help him graduate high school and transition into adult life.
Nope, no way to sugarcoat this. He will get the message loud and clear. Well that parent-child bond was nice while it lasted.
Tone down all that drama, will you?! First, they're adults; second; they have a father, too; third, she's not moving to the Moon!
Location: Living near our Nation's Capitol since 2010
2,218 posts, read 3,452,784 times
Reputation: 6035
This decision will influence your relationship with your sons for the rest of your lives. I urge you to re consider. This is a hasty, ill advised move for many reasons. Please, put your sons first for at least one or two years. Then, knock yourself out with your new BF..it will be your time to have fun. Til then, be a mother.
I can't believe you are even asking. Why would you want to be with a man that doesn't like your kids? This will lead your boys to resenting you. Do you really want to risk your relationship with your children?
If someone fits in my life, they fit in ALL FACETS of my life. If your man does not fit, he is not the right man for you. If you have to "run away" to make it work and you and him can't join and fight together to make it work for all involved, he is not the man for you.
To the OP: frankly, based on what you posted originally, it sounds like you feel you're entitled to happiness at any costs. I disagree with that because you are a mother. Your sons need you. This man doesn't. Your sons will always be there for you if you stand by them now, can you say the same about this man?
Think about this: say you leave with your new man, lose touch with your sons and then your relationship with your man doesn't work out? Are you going to feel guilty about all the time you lost with your sons? What if they're not so quick to let you back into their life? How bad would you feel then? What if you have grandchildren you never get to see?
It seems like you're willing to risk throwing away a lot for this man...who's apparently STILL involved with someone else (as you said he was in the midst of leaving someone, not he has already left her for you).
Running away just sounds like an unhealthy, illogical choice, any way that you look at it.
You are choosing to move away from your two children in order to be with a boyfriend that they hate. In doing so, you are also breaking up his marriage/relationship. Can you not see what a crummy thing this is to do on many levels?
How do you expect them to react to this? Are you okay with this ruining what relationship you have left with them? They hate this guy and now they'll see mom loves him more than them. It would be one thing to continue seeing him but allowing some separation between those two areas of your life. But in moving away from them, sending them to live with their dad (even if he's a great dad, they want to go, etc), you are sending the message loud and clear that this new hot thing you're banging is more important than them.
It would be much smarter to wait a while, see this guy if you must, but maintain a close relationship with your sons. Date him outside your home so your sons don't have to come into contact with him so much. Once they've gone on to college and moved away from home it will be easier to pursue something more serious, move in together. Right now your sons have seen their family destroyed with you separating from their father. To lose you too would be a low blow, especially knowing that they were thrown out for a new hunk of man.
You're selfish, self-centered and self-absorbed. How do you think they're going to think of you? Just like I just did when I read that you want to dump them over your new partner and your new life.
So if you want me to help you destroy your son's life, nope, that's NOT going to happen.
The 17 y.o. old needs you and you're going to pull him out of school so you can have the golden rod and upheaval his life? What a selfish b%tch you are!
And the 19 y.o. still needs his mother. I can't believe people like you. Just because someone is 18 y.o. doesn't mean that you can drop them and move on with your life and start anew and leave them behind.
Only thing I can say is if they get along with their father, you're doing them a favor by letting them live with their father so they can have the same friends and still go to the same school.
As far as you, I hope to hell that new partner of yours dumps your azz and you're alone for the rest of your life. I hope your sons NEVER allow you back into their lives again.
You're a poor excuse as a mother and you should be ashamed of yourself but you're not. You're needs are above anyone elses.
How about you at least wait until you both are divorced.
And you shacking up with this married man will cause a rift between you and your children so be prepared to deal with that. If I was your child I would be pissed too.
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First, they're adults; second; they have a father, too; third, she's not moving to the Moon!
