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Wow. I have been really taken for a ride and now all I have left is doubts about my better judgment.
I've been with a guy for six long years, although we officially broke up last year. My reasons were his lying and wandering ways. His were my inability to "share his life". In my defense I felt the closer I got to him, the more it would hurt if he were to once again do above mentioned lying and cheating.
For the past year since we have broken up, he has been a completely different man to me - very kind, acceptable, giving me space. Yet he has also been there when I've needed him. We seem to have had developed our original friendship back. My only rule in this new/old relationship was "no lies". As a friend, he could tell me anything and that's what I really wanted back - my ability to trust him.
Of course, as you can guess, two things happened. First, he has continuously told me that I am the one he wants to be with for the rest of his life. And second, there were many times I let my guard down and slept with him, BUT only after being reassured by him (after questioning) that there was no one else in his life.
Guess what? I was so totally blind. I've just found out by accident the number of women he has been with, the ones he has tried to be with, the lies he out and out told me and how much I actually believed to be true that was so wrong.
I'm not really mad at him, because this was always what he did, even when we were completely together, so why should it be different when he's professing his undying love for me and trying to get me back? No, I'm really mad at me, and why my heart told me to believe in him, love him and trust him.
Now I'm left with nothing but self-doubts about my common sense. My first instinct is to run fast and far from here, because even though I have drawn a hard line and told him I want no more contact from him, I know I only have a temporary reprieve and he and his persuasive ways will be back. I know I'm not tough enough, even knowing what I now know, and haven't yet figured out how to smarten up. Yes, I know I deserve better and I truly want better, but my heart is stuck on him - and I'm pretty sure he knows it.
What would YOU do? Run like hell, punch his lights out, ignore him (which is probably the hardest to do)? Or something else I haven't thought of? Words of wisdom, please! Wisdom is what I need most!
What would YOU do? Run like hell, punch his lights out, ignore him (which is probably the hardest to do)? Or something else I haven't thought of? Words of wisdom, please! Wisdom is what I need most!
Don't beat yourself up! We've all been there in one form or another. I believe ignoring is the best, but the most difficult approach, of course...
He continued to be with other women, even after winning you back--or were those women from before? It sounds like the former but want to be sure.
Nope - I think new. But who can be sure? Obviously I'm clueless.
I think what actually hurts the most is that I thought our relationship was everything, you know? I put all the time, effort, feelings and love into it, and thought that was what I was getting back. And maybe to an extent I did, but I never really had "all" of him. I was always missing a piece he was sharing with others. I don't mean sex, although that's bad enough, but whatever and whyever he was seeking from them that I couldn't give him. Maybe a cheap thrill, maybe an escape - I just don't know.
And how will I know in the next relationship? How do you make a blind person see?
I'm sorry he betrayed you. I don't have any special advice, just to take the next one slowly and watch out for the rebound. Also, think about how your ex was able to fool you for so long and try to avoid making the same mistakes. Good luck to you.
yes, ditch the guy, don't contact him any more and take a lot of time to heal emotionally. If you question yourself most definitely don't get back into the arena of dating. Wait until you feel you are ready.
I know it sucks what he did, but I feel it's unproductive to beat yourself up over it. YOu can't change it so rather than fight yourself over it, why not learn from it. Things will get better if you let them.
My first instinct is to run fast and far from here, because even though I have drawn a hard line and told him I want no more contact from him, I know I only have a temporary reprieve and he and his persuasive ways will be back. I know I'm not tough enough, even knowing what I now know, and haven't yet figured out how to smarten up. Yes, I know I deserve better and I truly want better, but my heart is stuck on him - and I'm pretty sure he knows it.
This is and always was your problem. You admit that even now you know of his ways you aren't strong enough to wholly end it with him. To me, that suggests you were blind to his ways in the past because you wanted to be. You wanted to believe he was someone that he's not so you probably blinded yourself to the signs. Deep down, you probably knew he wasn't the man you wanted him to be but you didn't want to admit it to yourself so you went on as long as you could pretending he's someone he's not. I'm not saying this to make you feel bad about yourself but so you can understand what happened and learn from it.
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What would YOU do? Run like hell, punch his lights out, ignore him (which is probably the hardest to do)? Or something else I haven't thought of? Words of wisdom, please! Wisdom is what I need most!
Delete all his contact info. Entirely. If he tries to contact you again, remind him you said you didn't want to hear from him again. Ever. There's not much else you can do but be strong and remind yourself that he is not the man you thought he was or wanted him to be and he never will be. Make it your mantra, every time you start to feel weak, repeat to yourself: "He's not the man I thought he was and never will be". It may hurt now but in the long run, you will be so much happier.
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And how will I know in the next relationship? How do you make a blind person see?
You just have to learn from your mistakes. Don't fool yourself into thinking he's someone he's not. I think your first mistake was staying with him after you knew he cheated and lied.
I imagine just about everyone has an a$$clown in their past.
During my time in that situation, my mom told me that I could chose to either have a painful end or a pain with no end. It took me quite a few months to get to the other side of things.....but it sure felt great when I was finally free from my feelings for him.
You are neither blind nor do you lack common sense. You are trusting and decent and you were conned by a juvenile liar. A harsh lesson, to be sure, but you will have learned a lot from this, even if you don't realise it yet.
The problem is not with YOU it is with HIM. His behaviour to you has been as nasty as it has been pathetic,
Honestly, a man who lies and lies to a woman just to have sex with her is not a man. Your head will see that long before your heart does. And you must follow your head on this one.
Do whatever it takes to stay away from him. It will be very tough but you need to be tough on yourself for your own good. Eventually the pain will ease and then you will meet someone else.
At the moment he is like a bad drug for you; you just need to go cold turkey for a while, maybe a long while.
There is no easy route I'm afraid, but you will emerge stronger.
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