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Totally different situation that your opening post. You assumed that by having sex with him you were building towards a relationship, but that clearly isn't the case. Right now you are an F buddy, and people don't bend over backwards for f buddies. Let this be a lesson to you - if you want to be in an exclusive relationship, having sex first doesn't guarantee you anything. You felt you bonded with him when you had sex with him, and clearly he feels differently.
Lesson learned, time to move on
I don't know if he feels differently. Maybe he's just assumed they were together or in a relationship like he had stated to her, but she wanted him to do it a certain way, and since he didn't she just assumed they weren't together. He caught on to that assumption when he had to tell her that he just assumed he was with her. Then he took that as "maybe she's not that into me" and he chose to explore the option of a dating site.
He might've been there at one point but she made it complicated and now he's reaping benefits while moving on.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ami*imA
Is it even wrong for me to be cautious? I know I shouldn't have had sex with him, but since it had already happened, I just don't want to 'assume' we are in an exclusive relationship. I get the feeling that my definition of being "exclusive and serious" is different from his, like a different level.
I think his thought on reality, as well as sanity, is also on a different level.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ami*imA
He told me (after we had sex..) that he is moving to California in 6 months - I wonder how serious the relationship could be had I agreed to be in a "serious" relationship with him.
Ok, so why didn't you include all of this information? I can't help that we're getting piece by piece and you're making it up as we go along here. I'm withdrawing my words and I'm no longer offering them to you as you will just make up a new story based on what people say.
The guy I'm seeing wants to go out with his friends while I'm sick
Quote:
Originally Posted by donie1
If you would have said yes to an exclusive relationship, then you have reason to be pissed at him. BUT you said you wanted to hold out and see if you two are compatible. Then you're testing him when you ask for him to come over while sick to see his response. I would have told him I was sick and ask if he could drop medicine off on the way to his friend's house.
Don't put him through hoops to see if you two are compatible or ask hypothetical questions to see his responses. That's game playing and he'll just move on.
I also wouldn't have told him that I didn't want to be exclusive yet because of compatibility issues. I would have just told him since you are unsure of your feelings towards him, that I would like to take things slower but I wouldn't be dating anyone else.
But if the man says he wants to take things slower, you see it comepletely different. You have said so in in other posts. You said when a man says that. he wants to see whatelse is out there and available. Do you sometimes use the same logic for women? Or do you just dislike men?
To comment on this OP's post, she turned down a serious relationship, but still expects the guy to over look that and be at her beck and call. If she doesn't care enough to be exclusive, why should she expect him to change his plans for her?
It is the reaction and excuse he had that was incredibly juvenile.
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Originally Posted by GeorgeLucasLongLostChin
Yeah, why would anyone would have a social life with a semi-serious girlfriend?
As for the OP, yeah...you're wrong to be upset. You're not even that serious with that guy. If you push back a man, he won't keep doing his best to impress you. Life isn't a movie.
Plus, most people when they are sick don't want anyone around them because they don't want to infect others and they know they are boring (who wants to watch you laying down?). You are sounding needy.
You should see the positive side. This guy has a social life and he won't see you sick, which isn't exactly flattering.
Just because you're dating doesn't mean he needs to blow off his friends. In fact, one of my pet peeves is when people blow off their friends for a significant other.
He has friends other than you. It's not wrong of him to want to see his friends when he already made plans. It's not wrong of him that he doesn't want to get sick.
You are supposed to balance the two. It is that easy. It's intellectual and logical to schedule some time for her and then the rest of the time for the friends. It is basic math. Only a man-child wouldn't be able to see the big picture.
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Originally Posted by city_data91
Just because you're dating doesn't mean he needs to blow off his friends. In fact, one of my pet peeves is when people blow off their friends for a significant other.
He has friends other than you. It's not wrong of him to want to see his friends when he already made plans. It's not wrong of him that he doesn't want to get sick.
You are supposed to balance the two. It is that easy. It's intellectual and logical to schedule some time for her and then the rest of the time for the friends. It is basic math. Only a man-child wouldn't be able to see the big picture.
But he already scheduled time for the friends, and the OP was trying to interfere.
I agree with the poster that said the OP expects the benefits of serious relationship, even though she's not willing to make the relationship serious yet.
You can't have it both ways. If you're not willing to make the relationship exclusive yet, don't hold this against him. Don't expect him to act like a serious boyfriend.
This reminds me of why sometimes I'm happy to be single.
It's called being flexible. The herd of friends should be respectful that his time is not 100% their time. This isn't a cult.
Are you kidding? A romantic relationship isn't a cult either and shouldn't take 100% of a person's free time.
Maybe giving your romantic relationships the majority of your free time works for you, but not for the rest of us. And do you think that if your relationship doesn't work out, your former best friends will really want to be your best buddies again?
If I had a good friend that dumped me just to spend all of their time with a romantic partner and then came crawling back to me when they broke up, I wouldn't let them be my close friend again. I don't need friends like that.
So you can hang with your herd like in the TV sitcom Friends or Seinfeld? lol.
Quote:
Originally Posted by city_data91
I agree with the poster that said the OP expects the benefits of serious relationship, even though she's not willing to make the relationship serious yet.
You can't have it both ways. If you're not willing to make the relationship exclusive yet, don't hold this against him. Don't expect him to act like a serious boyfriend.
This reminds me of why sometimes I'm happy to be single.
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The guy I'm seeing wants to go out with his friends while I'm sick
