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There's a guy at work I cannot stop thinking about. I do feel like I get some vibes from him, but I am not completely sure. At one point, he looked right at me and we definitely locked eyes for a split second longer than what is okay in polite society. He has also shown some other signs of seeming interested, but they are so subtle that I do not know if he just thinks I'm another cute girl walking around or if this is something I should take seriously.
He seems very reserved in general to everyone and I know he feels stressed already as he is an intern (I work at a hospital). But, he has said a few things to me here and there. To make things worse, I am new at this workplace and I can feel a little bit out of place at times so I can get a little bit aloof and reserved myself. I have been told that I can come off cold and hard to get to know. I really have not gone out of my way to say anything to him either honestly. These sideways glances and vibes have been going on since August- the first time I noticed him. The second time we saw each other he pretty much stared at me the whole time- I was completely unnerved by the shock of this guy staring at me to look back and on top of that-was too busy trying to focus as we were in the ER and there was a level 1 trauma going on in front of us needing to be taken care of.
Throughout all of these months I have seen him on and off, here and there. Sometimes weeks have gone by before I see him. I have backed off totally mostly because I feel like if he was interested he would have said something by now-sent me a work email or stopped me in the hallway or asked my coworker about me. I really try to make it seem like I am not interested because I feel like a fool being interested in a guy that doesn't reciprocate. My coworker tells me that maybe he is just intimidated. I say that most people, including guys, usually want to get what they want and aren't going to wait. Right now I am seeing him pretty regularly. I don't know what to think or say or do, if I should at at all. I still feel if he likes me more than just thinks I'm cute, he'll say something, right? Keep in mind that I also feel incredibly sheepish about this whole thing. I barely know who this guy is outside of how attracted I feel towards him and the fact that he is a resident at the hospital I work at. I am rarely this viscerally attracted to someone so this is a big deal to me.
So basically, what I am trying to ask if do men indeed become intimidated by women or is this something women tell themselves to lessen the pain of rejection?
Nope! That's part of my problem. I am almost too upfront and up close and personal. They lose some of their power with me. I think it freaks them out.... just guessing?
...do men indeed become intimidated by women or is this something women tell themselves to lessen the pain of rejection?
Yes. I have friends who were like this when we were younger. They'd get crushes but would never act on them because they just knew they'd get turned down. I don't know what percentage of the population is like that, though. But it is possible that he has an irrational fear of rejection that causes him to be intimidated, even paralyzed to the point of inaction.
I don't know about the intimidation thing, best way to get over that is to first establish a friendship. And for that to happen, you kind of have to pretend you are not attracted and just roll with it like any regular normal friendship. Plus he's an intern, so he's probably busy and maybe that's the excuse he gives himself for not approaching girls and in all honestly he doesn't have the time so that's a pretty good excuse.
seriously, don't you have anything better to do with your time? imo, it's not worth it .
There's a guy at work I cannot stop thinking about. I do feel like I get some vibes from him, but I am not completely sure. At one point, he looked right at me and we definitely locked eyes for a split second longer than what is okay in polite society. He has also shown some other signs of seeming interested, but they are so subtle that I do not know if he just thinks I'm another cute girl walking around or if this is something I should take seriously.
He seems very reserved in general to everyone and I know he feels stressed already as he is an intern (I work at a hospital). But, he has said a few things to me here and there. To make things worse, I am new at this workplace and I can feel a little bit out of place at times so I can get a little bit aloof and reserved myself. I have been told that I can come off cold and hard to get to know. I really have not gone out of my way to say anything to him either honestly. These sideways glances and vibes have been going on since August- the first time I noticed him. The second time we saw each other he pretty much stared at me the whole time- I was completely unnerved by the shock of this guy staring at me to look back and on top of that-was too busy trying to focus as we were in the ER and there was a level 1 trauma going on in front of us needing to be taken care of.
Throughout all of these months I have seen him on and off, here and there. Sometimes weeks have gone by before I see him. I have backed off totally mostly because I feel like if he was interested he would have said something by now-sent me a work email or stopped me in the hallway or asked my coworker about me. I really try to make it seem like I am not interested because I feel like a fool being interested in a guy that doesn't reciprocate. My coworker tells me that maybe he is just intimidated. I say that most people, including guys, usually want to get what they want and aren't going to wait. Right now I am seeing him pretty regularly. I don't know what to think or say or do, if I should at at all. I still feel if he likes me more than just thinks I'm cute, he'll say something, right? Keep in mind that I also feel incredibly sheepish about this whole thing. I barely know who this guy is outside of how attracted I feel towards him and the fact that he is a resident at the hospital I work at. I am rarely this viscerally attracted to someone so this is a big deal to me.
So basically, what I am trying to ask if do men indeed become intimidated by women or is this something women tell themselves to lessen the pain of rejection?
In my life experience, a lot of guys can be intimidated by you if they find you attractive...especially if you come off as a little "cold" as you described. I'm the exact same way! People say that I always look "mean" lol. I don't get it because I'm the complete opposite of that once I get to talking.
Anyways, I've had several guys tell me that they were really attracted to me long before they ever came on to me. A few guys (and these are not boys, they're guys 26-35) actually sent messages through someone else because they were too scared to approach me, lol.
So judging from that, I'd say YES, guys are intimidated...but if they really want you, they will eventually bite the bullet and find a way to talk to you.
I'd say, strike up a conversation with him. Invite him to lunch or some other activity outside of work. That may help him loosen up a bit.
Good luck!
Last edited by MzSJP; 03-29-2011 at 07:51 AM..
Reason: spelling errors..typing too fast!
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,037,872 times
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I think I definitely feel more comfortable around plain looking plain instead of women I'm attracted to (which aren't always what society deems attractive, but generally my 'tastes' fit the majority opinion), since I feel I don't have to be so conscious of all the tension.
And there are women who think a guys is totally intimidated by her beauty just because he doesn’t ask her out, send her flowers, or whatever but in reality they guy simply doesn’t find her attractive, nice, or both, and it has nothing to do with him being shy or intimidated.
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