How to make a long-distance relationship work? (boyfriends, long distance, marriage)
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Okay, I know that some are going to post that it can never work, and that is fine if you can post examples from personal experience, but that is not what I am asking. I am seeking information/advice from those who have been in this situation or can directly relate the experience of a close friend/relative/etc. on ways to make it work.
I am asking because I currently live in Boston, as does my GF, but my GF is going to Baltimore shortly to attend Johns Hopkins for graduate school. To back up a little, even though her going out of town for grad school has been a possibility for some time now (she applied to schools between Nov. 2010 and Jan. 2011), she just found out she was accepted to JHU about a week ago, and finalized her decision a few days ago.
I can't go with her because I am currently in school myself, and will graduate roughly 9 months after she leaves.
We briefly discussed this topic here and there, but not in too much detail because she didn't know where she would be going, or if she would go at all. Recently, the discussion has turned more to the "heavy" side, and we plan on changing our phone plan[s] to allow unlimited talk/text to each other, looked into airfares between Boston and Baltimore, have talked about seeing each at least once a month (each alternating between me going there and her coming here), and her living condition (she has the option to save money by living with a family friend in a safe suburb, but is concerned about privacy when her family, I, and friends visit), and, that we will reconnect in person at some point in the future.
We currently do not live with each other, but has more to do with me being locked into a lease, although this is something is something that has come up in the past and we agreed to move in with each other this summer--before she found out she was accepted. However, we talk to each other all the time and act in a manner when we are together that either makes others jealous or grossed out over the level of affection and chemistry. We get along extremely well.
The idea of marriage and children has come up a few times, and we both agreed that these are things that we want [with each other] at some point in the future, and she has said that calling me "husband" feels natural.
So, while we still have many things to talk about, I am not sure of what to do when she finally leaves. How often is too much when it comes to calling, texting, Skype, etc.? I don't want to feel like I am needy, "keeping tabs on her", or just generally overbearing, but I do not want to under do it, either. I mean, I want to keep her interested in me.
Granted, I know that shiv happens, but this separation is supposed to be temporary. I am seeking advice on how to keep it from becoming permanent.
It's Portland, ME., which is about 90 miles north of Boston. Yes, I lived there prior to moving to Boston. I never changed it partially out of laziness, and partially because I know where I live.
I've been in my relationship for 11 years. The first four years were long-distance in which I drove 100 miles each way 2-3 times a week for overnight conjugal visits, aka quickies. Then we moved in together for six years. This past year we've been separated again due to a job situation, and we travel by train to spend our weekend together. It has worked out fine. Talk to the g/f and you'll find the right approach... it's only a matter of striking the best balance for your needs. It's not as difficult as you might imagine (or that people might want you to believe).
It's Portland, ME., which is about 90 miles north of Boston. Yes, I lived there prior to moving to Boston. I never changed it partially out of laziness, and partially because I know where I live.
I realize how close Portland and Boston are. I used to live in Massachusetts and I have relatives in the Portland area.
Laziness? How much effort does it take to change your location? Not much. I've moved since joining city data and I changed my location.
And if you're posting on a state forum or General US forum, your location is misleading
I've been in my relationship for 11 years. The first four years were long-distance in which I drove 100 miles each way 2-3 times a week for overnight conjugal visits, aka quickies. Then we moved in together for six years. This past year we've been separated again due to a job situation, and we travel by train to spend our weekend together. It has worked out fine. Talk to the g/f and you'll find the right approach... it's only a matter of striking the best balance for your needs. It's not as difficult as you might imagine (or that people might want you to believe).
Good advice. K-Luv, the distance between Portland and Baltimore isn't that great and I think once you and your gf sit down and talk about it everything will work out just fine. Good luck!
All my relationships have had some long distance time involved. In my experience, the stronger the relationship, the easier it is. One of my boyfriends was a little bit flakey and a little emotionally distant. That made being away from each other really hard. I was constantly feeling insecure and unsure of his feelings for me. However, when my husband and I were away from each other early in our relationship - we missed each other a lot but I never felt insecure. I think we were always able to see each other at least once a month or once every 5 weeks or so. The year that we got married, we were both on different national tours (musicals) and were somehow able to see each other about that often or so. Even for our wedding - we only got to spend 2 weeks together and then had to back to our different jobs! And we still have to travel for work sometimes - although not nearly as often. If you have a strong relationship - you'll be fine. I always say - if it's mean to be, it will be.
As for how often you talk, text, etc. - I think that will be something that works itself out. Just be open to discussion about it - and remember that as much as you love each other - you still need to live your lives apart as well. Don't freak out if she goes out with friends a few nights a week and that sort of thing.
Long distance relationships are completely possible. And you really won't be that far away from each other. Best of luck to you!
Good advice. K-Luv, the distance between Portland and Baltimore isn't that great and I think once you and your gf sit down and talk about it everything will work out just fine. Good luck!
See, your location is misleading even on the relationships forum. STT Resident thought you lived in Portland.
See, your location is misleading even on the relationships forum. STT Resident thought you lived in Portland.
Please stop. This is not necessary and it is making this thread about your problem with his location instead of about his long distance relationship. You've never had a long distance relationship. Please be respectful. Please.
It's a relatively short distance to travel and it's for a relatively short amount of time. If you both want it to work out, it will.
My daughter (a US citizen) has been in a long distance relationship with a Canadian for a couple of years now. They have a strong relationship but the international aspect is making things complicated with regards to their furture. She is applying for permanent residency but that is not an easy step to take. Meanwhile they talk on the phone daily, Skype regularly, and visit each other every month or so.
Good luck!
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