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I had a FWB turn into a real relationship once. It didn't work out and we ended up going back to being just friends but w/o the benefits. We ended up back in a relationship again, the 2nd time it lasting for nearly 2 years.
The only woman I met whose FWB developed into a relationship, was a single mom who had higher than average sex appetite. She would tell us how she couldn't understand how to go even a week without sex. I, on the other hand, couldn't understand how a person could have sex so functionally. Anyways, after months of this, she says one day that he started developing feelings for her, and she responded in kind. From then on, they started calling themselves a couple, involved romantically.
So that may happen, but it is not a rule. She was more of a maternal, warm person, who envelops you in care, you know? Who knows if she were more of a business-like person. There are no hard rules, I think.
I am in a few FWBs right now with male friends I see a few times a year due to geography and it suits me just fine because I do not want an exclusive relationship with any of them, ever. None of them are in a position for whatever reason to enter into a LTR.
FWB is not a substitute for something better or benchwarming before you go into the game The point about FWB is the FRIEND part. I was friends with these guys before we slept together, and will be when we stop for whatever reason. I have known one of them for 5 years and the others for more than 20.
Exactly. What people dont get about this type arrangement is that it is not meant to be a LTR. The guys I have been FWB with were first my friends. Neither wanted (at the time) anything more but sex and fiendship. I never felt disrepected or dissapointed because it was an arrangement of convenience for me as well.
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Originally Posted by macgeek
I did the FWB relationship years ago, and at first it was great, but then after awhile it became a routine,
I would call her, and we would make a excuse to get together, and end up just having sex.
For those of you get involved in this sort of thing, do you think it might develop into a "real" relationship, or are you just going along for the ride? In my mind, dating and having sex with a guy like this will just be a waste of my time.
I've met a number of people who've tried it. They all thought they could keep it simple, but inevitably it got complicated. In a lot of cases, one person wanted more while the other didn't so they'd have to end it. Sometimes, one of the people in the FWB relationship will meet someone else and want a real relationship with that person, leaving the person they were hooking up with out in the cold. Then you have trust issues. If you're with a FWB, how do you know they don't have another FWB. And I know of one couple who tried it and the girl got pregnant. I personally don't look down on people who have such relationships and I'm sure for many who have busy lives, it's easier than having a full-fledged relationship. But I can see how easily things could get messy.
For those of you get involved in this sort of thing, do you think it might develop into a "real" relationship, or are you just going along for the ride? In my mind, dating and having sex with a guy like this will just be a waste of my time.
Hmmm....there is always that possibility, but the probability of a FWB turning into an LTR is pretty slim. People generally get involved in a FWB relationship because they either do not have the time, desire, or ability to devote to an actual relationship, but, they still want the nookie.
In order for a FWB to turn into an LTR depends on communication and honesty. There needs to be a clear understanding of why both of you only want FWB, and how open both of you are to the possibility of turning the FWB into a dating-type of relationship.
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Originally Posted by MissLucky
If anything, they get worse.
They do. The longer they go on, the more of a chance that one person is going to develop feelings for the other. Even if those feelings are kept hidden, that person is going to feel slighted. If it doesn't "ruin" the FWB relationship, it will definitely cause mental damage/hurt to at least one participant.
These types of relationships have the potential to really bring out people's insecurities. So he wants to sleep with me, but doesn't want anything more. Why? Is there something about me he doesn't like? And if your partner doesn't want to meet as often, you start to wonder why. Is the sex no longer good? Did he notice that I put on weight? Did he find someone better?
I'm sure people might ask some of these same questions in full-fledged relationship. But when your entire relationship is based on sex, it's even more likely that you'll ask them.
OP, as cliche as it sounds, these men are simply not that into you.
If you want to use their body to meet your needs, fine, but don't expect that evolve into a relationship.
Then again, my current longtime GF was a FWB, but we really are the only exception we know of and we had a specific context to justify why we didn't want a real relationship in the beginning.
I have a SO but when I was single and 40 I never considered FWB. It just isn't my style. I prefer men to be lovers interested in a LTR and I personally have never settled for being someone's booty call. I don't need sex that much...that's what the Jack rabbit was invented for.
Dont get me wrong..I love my jack rabbit too but theres nothing like the feel of a real man and thats what I need
we had a specific context to justify why we didn't want a real relationship in the beginning
Oh, nothing unique here. Most people are pretty good at coming up with stinky "justifications" (aka excuses) for doing or not doing something when they don't want to!
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