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I guess I'm just going to spew my thoughts on here. Take it as you'd like...
Background:
Been with my GF a little over 4 months, met online, things seemed really great from the get go. We communicated every single day since the day we met. I took this as high interest (mistake).
She has a friend who met a guy while on vacation in the carribean and lives on an island. She fell in love with him, went home, broke up with her bf, quit her job, sold her house, moved to the island to be with him. My gf saw this as "a wonderful love at first sight story". She is jealous of this, and each time she visits or talks to her, she thinks she's got a raw deal with me. I liked our story....I dated for years and didn't find someone worth my time, I went through struggle with my parents' divorce, and overcame a lot to find her. I was happy every day I woke up next to her and I knew what we had as something to be rare and special and I felt lucky.
She was very sweet to me for these 4 months, always went out of her way to do things for me, always said nice things to me, treated me well. The last month or so she had been "correcting me" on how I'm supposed to act in a relationship, as if there were rules to this. She chalked these mistakes as "inexperienced". Fine, well looking back I realize she has an idea in her head what a relationship is and I wasn't living up to the expectation.
How it started:
We go to a baseball game, I'm a fan of the rival team and the hometown fans were giving me crap for standing up for the last batter in a close game. In the mean time, she's pulling on my shirt (not sure why) and I knee-jerk reaction said "don't touch me". I knew right away she was upset and I apologized. I explained to her I wasn't mad, just frustrated with the fan yelling at me. She was still upset when the game was over, we were with friends, I walked up next to her 3 times trying to apologize and she still wasn't having it so I left her alone. Parking lot, she walks up about 15 ft ahead of the group, I decide not to chase, I made my attempts, I'll let it chill. We get home, we talk over the phone.
The break up
She tells me how I was supposed to keep chasing her, and that even if she's mad at me, I'm her bf and I'm supposed to cling to her side and not let her walk alone through a parking lot at night. She also didn't think she could forgive me for saying "don't touch me" in the tone that I did.
She wanted to hang up and meet up tomorrow to talk. I said no. I wanted to talk now, I wasn't going to let this go. I told her that since she came back from her trip in the carribean where her friend lives, that she's been distant. She agrees and says again (we had this fight once before) that she's having doubts again. For the same reasons, she wants to shoot for the moon and find a perfect love story and that she didn't want to settle for less. She said she'd rather have told me in person, but since I pried, she wants to break up and not waste time anymore. She was going to wait a couple months to think about it, but decided to tell me now cuz of the fight.
My reaction:
I'm blown away, I can't believe this resulted in a break up. I thought things were great for the most part, we had told each other we loved each other, she tried to make plans with me for vacations and trips this summer, I met her family that she's protective about and "only wants to introduce me if I'm going to be around a while". I helped her move apts up 4 stories the weekend before and almost broke my back doing it, took 7 hours, and she met my dad 2 days before this.
I tell her what I said before, I think it's unreasonable to expect a perfect love story and what we have IS awesome, and most people will never find what we have. She didn't agree, said she usually knows after 2 or 3 months if she is going to marry the person she's dating. Considering she's not married I told her that this approach hasn't panned out for her very well. She starts crying, telling me how wonderful I am but that she's almost 27 and she doesn't want to waste time, she wants to find somethign that makes her more happy. She said I do make her happy, and I know I do, but it wasn't enough. My last words: I'm not gonna beg you to stay, you've made your decision, and it's a mistake. Most people will never find something close to what we have, and it hurts that you don't see how wonderful it is like I do. If you think you can find better, I won't stop you. Goodbye.
My reaction continued:
She writes me a long email about how she wanted to say goodbye too. Then starts patronizing me. "I'm sorry I hurt you." "I know you'll find someone, you're a great person, I know we met for a reason and I think I helped you see you can love and be loved". She also wants to BE FRIENDS and that she's "here if I need to talk to her".
I don't want to talk to her, I'm sad the next morning, sad all day, that night I'm just annoyed. I responded to her long email that morning with "ok, you said goodbye, thank you." Those few words. She emails again "ok good, again I'm here for you if you need to talk". I don't respond. She hits me up on gchat at work at lunch, asks me how I'm doing, and I give short quick answers like "I'm fine". She then says "sorry for being a broken record but I'm sorry for hurting you". Then I get annoyed and say "look, if you have something significant you want to say, I won't talk to you over phone, text, email, gchat....you can try to see me and tell me in person." Then she says "ok, gtg, bye".
Ending thoughts:
Looking back I'm sad it's over and the lifestyle change will be the hardest to deal with, but after talking a lot with friends and looking at all the things I realize now I didn't like about her, I don't feel sad anymore. I'm annoyed, a little angry she thinks she can do better than what we had and tried to change me in stupid little ways. But that's how it works I guess. Just gotta go with it. I've blocked her on facebook/gchat and I'm initiating NO CONTACT. She calls or texts I won't respond. Unless she says something like "I effed up, I made a mistake, or I really need to talk" then I'll respond a day or two later and maybe meet with her if I really feel she has something significant to say. Otherwise I'm moved on.
Where to go from here?
I don't know if I'm ready to date, but I'm looking forward that I will want to at some point. However, I am dreading dating again. I hate dating, it sucked for me, it was not fun. I sure as hell don't want to online date again, that was garbage, and in this city I can approach women, flirt, get numbers, but that has never panned out to even a real date. So I don't see many options for myself in dating in the future, but whatever, I'm happy being single. I have good friends, good family, a decent job, and summer is coming up and summer is a blast in chicago. I'll be occupied and busy and I'll have fun. But it looks like dating just might be over for me, and right now I'm fine with that.
Wow, too bad on her part. What an ass that at 27 y.o. she thinks she's going to find a perfect love at first sight romance. She really is smoking something. It hurts now but you missed a bullet there.
At this point, I don't think I'd go back with her at all even if she came to her senses and realized what a fool she was to throw away a good relationship. She's too immature and unrealistic IMO.
Summer is here and who knows, you just might meet a great person while out having fun! Have fun with family and friends and when you're not looking, you might run into Ms. Right.
Anyway, I think you did the right thing with how you broke up and I wouldn't have anything more to do with her. I don't understand why she keeps on emailing or texting you. She needs to stop and move on. She sounds high drama too.
Sounds like she doesn't have the maturity to start something legitimate. Her head is still in the clouds. It sucks but you are in a better position now.
If somebody tells me "Don't touch me!" in God knows what horrible tone, he likely won't be around, either.
Moderator cut: Removed reference to deleted comment.
I didn't yell it, I didn't raise my voice. It was 3 words, and I apologized afterward. If that's grounds for dismissal then I'll gladly walk myself out the door knowing I saved myself from an insane person.
Edit: How do you block people and prevent their posts from showing up?
Last edited by JustJulia; 05-05-2011 at 01:49 PM..
I didn't yell it, I didn't raise my voice. It was 3 words, and I apologized afterward. If that's grounds for dismissal then I'll gladly walk myself out the door knowing I saved myself from an insane person.
Edit: How do you block people and prevent their posts from showing up?
Click on your name and then when you're in your account, click on "My Settings" and on the left hand side is where you can block someone.
Last edited by JustJulia; 05-05-2011 at 01:49 PM..
Reason: Removed reference to deleted comment.
Well you had some good times and plenty of sex during the 4 months. Not all a waste. Better luck on the next one.
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