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Sometimes when I first meet a girl, she has a hard time keeping the conversation going.
I think TVSG just wants to lighten the mood and make her more comfortable.
The other posters are quick to point out when TVSG does something wrong. But there's no need to gang up on every small thing he does. To say something like "Yuck" and call TVSG creepy is not helping him. I've been called creepy and it doesn't help my dating life. It just lowers my self-esteem and makes me think less of my ability to get girls. It makes me realize I'm not a ladies man. It makes me think "No girls want me. What girl would want a creepy guy?"
Even if a guy is not a ladies man, I think it helps his confidence if he mistakenly thinks he's a ladies man. Because even though he's not a ladies man, girls like confidence and he has the confidence of thinking he's a ladies man.
I agree he doesn't always do the right thing when it comes to dating. But in this case, I don't see anything wrong with him saying "talk to me like I was someone you know"
Sometimes when I first meet a girl, she has a hard time keeping the conversation going.
I think TVSG just wants to lighten the mood and make her more comfortable.
The other posters are quick to point out when TVSG does something wrong. But there's no need to gang up on every small thing he does. To say something like "Yuck" and call TVSG creepy is not helping him. I've been called creepy and it doesn't help my dating life. It just lowers my self-esteem and makes me think less of my ability to get girls. It makes me realize I'm not a ladies man. It makes me think "No girls want me. What girl would want a creepy guy?"
Even if a guy is not a ladies man, I think it helps his confidence if he mistakenly thinks he's a ladies man. Because even though he's not a ladies man, girls like confidence and he has the confidence of thinking he's a ladies man.
I agree he doesn't always do the right thing when it comes to dating. But in this case, I don't see anything wrong with him saying "talk to me like I was someone you know"
The only reason a conversation is "hard to keep going" is because the people involved have no idea about how to create a conversation. First of all you have to be genuinely interested in people, period. If you simply happen to be a self-centered egotistical dip who has no interest in anyone else then, DUH, you're going to have a communication problem with that person sitting opposite you.
I concur with donie1 that the conversational scenario TVSG came up with would be a complete turnoff for me and most women. It does indeed fall under "creepy".
Your self-esteem is yours alone. Nobody can lower your self esteem but you. According to your many posts you don't "want girls" anyway, so what's the problem? If you're ambivalent about whether or not you want girls then that's a different issue.
And PLEASE don't refrain the "I'm celibate" and FB scenarios. If you have a response to that which either I or others have addressed then respond accordingly.
The only reason a conversation is "hard to keep going" is because the people involved have no idea about how to create a conversation. First of all you have to be genuinely interested in people, period. If you simply happen to be a self-centered egotistical dip who has no interest in anyone else then, DUH, you're going to have a communication problem with that person sitting opposite you.
I concur with donie1 that the conversational scenario TVSG came up with would be a complete turnoff for me and most women. It does indeed fall under "creepy".
Your self-esteem is yours alone. Nobody can lower your self esteem but you. According to your many posts you don't "want girls" anyway, so what's the problem? If you're ambivalent about whether or not you want girls then that's a different issue.
And PLEASE don't refrain the "I'm celibate" and FB scenarios. If you have a response to that which either I or others have addressed then respond accordingly.
Who's to say me and TVSG have no idea how to create a conversation?
Maybe the girls we talk to don't realize how to create a conversation.
I can't speak for TVSG, but sometimes the girls I talk to don't have trouble keeping a conversation going. But some do. So that leads me to believe certain girls have no idea how to create a conversation. If it was me that had no idea how to create a conversation, don't you think all girls I talked to would have a hard time keeping the conversation going?
Nobody can lower my self-esteem but me. But if someone else calls me creepy, that can't be good for my self-esteem. I don't want a girlfriend, but I'd like it if girls were into me. And when I used to think I was a ladies man, that boosted my confidence and helped me talk to girls. Because even though I wasn't a ladies man, I thought I was at the time, so that made me more confident.
And I learned how to talk to girls thanks to my ladies man phase. Even though I realized I'm not a ladies man, the skills stuck with me.
Why is it ok for the female to break the ice by asking what you do on a typical weekend, but it's not okay for the male to break the ice by saying "Talk to me as if I'm someone you know"?
If someone asks a default question like "What do you do in your free time?" that's a sign that they don't know how to create conversation
I've been called creepy and it doesn't help my dating life. It just lowers my self-esteem and makes me think less of my ability to get girls. It makes me realize I'm not a ladies man. It makes me think "No girls want me. What girl would want a creepy guy?"
Are the people making these comments know you in real life? If not -and especially if it's C-D people- I would just tune them out and keep going.
Are the people making these comments know you in real life? If not -and especially if it's C-D people- I would just tune them out and keep going.
Some of them know me in real life and some don't. And yes, I've been called creepy on city data. But you're right...if they don't know me in person, it means nothing if they call me creepy.
But now that I think about it, I haven't been called creepy in real life in a while. So I must be doing something right. Unless people say it behind my back...
No matter what female I talk to from what dating serice, they all seem to be interested in what is a typical weekend for me. Why do I feel like I always have to give out this make believe weekend just to satisfy someone into thinking every single weekend of my life is very exciting. Who exactly has an exciting weekend every weekend whether you are 20. 30, 40? Why can't we be REAL when getting to know someone? We are always trying to make the other person think that we are exciting and have theze exciting lives.
I think this has always been my main problem with the getting to know process
The same reason why fat women always ONLY take pictures of just their face and nothing else. To create the illusion. Most women want to be with a guy who has a social life, is active, has something to teach them. No women wants a man who is boring or sits around the house all the time. So we have to lie about it. I do agree with you. You the man can be sitting at home and she the woman can be sitting at home and both will tell each other how much fun you are having out in the city with friends getting drinks and party hopping.
THIS! was the CAUSAL reason for my divorce, the accusation that I was a homebody, factually expressed as "he's cheap and boring". Pretty shallow-water, as far as divorces go. But that's not the point.
The point I do want to make is that I've become quite aware of the tendency to characterize homebody behavior pejoratively. Honestly, who the eff made it so?!?! I can highlight just as easy the vapid and hollow condition of the perma-escapism seeking peanut gallery, but you don't see me scoffing them publicly (other than on C-D of course lol). Seriously, what gives?
In my ever ambivalent participation in the cesspool that is modern dating for the child bearing age crowd, the former is almost always the central question posed when people engage you. It's like my mother asking about the weather...expected. If the answer doesn't fall under the scope of the proverbial "jetted to Rio on Friday, woke up to the sunrise atop Cristo Redentor, swam with dolphins and threw a party at the beach, flew back on Sunday and met up with another crew at a cocktail lounge....then back to my job sucking air at Olive Garden on Monday..how bout u?" then it's all of a sudden blasphemy. Gimme a freggin...
The reality is that I don't believe people change. Not on a dime anyways. And there's a lot of that out there and it's pretty scary, if not outright disingenuous. Get that hyped stuff out of your system, or don't, but don't portray your life as balanced or nurturing enough to actually be seeking and prepared for a lifelong relationship, under such demands. That's my only objection to the "what you do this weekend?" crowd. Their weekend routines are just as lackluster and commoner as mine, I'm just the only one honest about it. Of course, I don't pin my hopes and dreams of happiness on conditional human companionship either, so perhaps I'm more carefree about airing my dirty laundry than they're willing to be..
And True, I don't expect a 20 yo to be an accomplished conversationalist, I just don't appreciate the normalization of HER reality as overarching Truth and the benchmark with which to judge our collective existences with. In that respect, our hedonism and fear of our own freggin' shadow glows like a spent nuclear warhead over the night sky of discontent with our unacknowledged "ordinary American" existence. How's that for cheap and boring?
The reality is that there is NO negative quality to being who you are, for that is ALL that you have in this vinyl siding façade of a social life. These cheery benchmarks are garbage. If a person is so unimaginative and so fretting of social disapproval that they actually gage your quality and condition based on whether or not you went floating down the river with the rest of the spendthrift dolts on Saturday, then that's probably a person you wouldn't want to rely on when when you're dying of cancer and just want someone who doesn't mind "being boring with you.." 'Cause let me tell you folks, if I've learned ANYTHING in this "win some, lose some" life of mine, is that one is much better off judging the character of the company you keep when your life absolutely sucks, rather than when the Gods and the Suns are shining every day of your week. I don't need friends when the sky is blue, I need them when the world is collapsing on me. That's the true measure of Love in my book, when it costs YOU emotionally to carry my Cross. I might as well write this in Latin though....
Good topic, great theme for my blog input this "boring" weekend
Sorry to hear about your divorce man...that sucks. You hit a nerve with me though...not many here have done so, but the its a DOUBLE Standard. Women can sit home and be boring slobs and its OK, when men do it well....you know. I actually find myself trying to out due any woman I know when it comes to social activity or having A LIFE. And its a lot of work. Its like a stupid game I HAVE TO PLAY even I really dont feel like eating out, I dont feel like buying tickets for Beyonce, I really dont want to buy plane tickets for US Metro X....but I do them because giving a woman the opportunity to bash me for being low key not only irritates me, makes me feel small as a man, but I am a man and you know us Men are not supposed to have feelings so....its better to just lie or exaggerate what activity I did this weekend.
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