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A love-shy or incel boy (which is ME) enters puberty and suddenly is interested in girls. And I'm not alone, suddenly all my peers are as well. However, I quickly learn there is something wrong as most of my friends go on to have normal dating experiences, and sex and relationships at all the appropriate times in their youth while I am unable to. If I am LS it is because I am unable to approach them. Otherwise, i would have done everything saw my more successful peers do, But yet I get constantly, inexplicably rejected.
Now I was the nicest guy you would ever meet. And I was just as nice to the girls. Not because I wanted to get in their pants. I just want a normal relationship. Dating. Companionship. What all of MY peers have.
But it never happened. Instead, I saw the boys who were the most obnoxious, the biggest bullies in the school, were the most successful with the girls. These girls would complain about how these guys treated them, and how much they wanted a nice guy. But I am completely invisible to them. When they finally broke up with the a-holes, they would move right along to another a-hole. Rinse and repeat. Throughout junior high. Throughout high school. Then I graduate and move off to the south, thinking at last I would get my due. But no, it was more of the same. Boy, was I f*cking wrong. It was even worse than high school. Ghetto hoodrat, stuck up, or redneck racist...All the more disturbing because these people were intelligent educated girls that should have known better. I can become friends with them, and end up friend-zoned... but I never get any further. And then I gets to listen to them ***** about the guy they are banging every weekend.
So another four to six years of my life goes by. I return home, ruined from recession, where I'm stuck playing FS2004, shooting ILS approaches in a computer generated Boeing 747-400 in my mother's basement while working a job that pays no living wage just to push a line of SHOPPING CARTS. And then back out into the "real world" where a man can't even ask out a girl where he works for fear of being fired for sexual harassment .Most of the women around are taken. And more and more of MY old friends are getting married and settled down, while I am still at square zero. And you don't think i have a right to be pissed off about that?
It's easy to deflect internal issues onto society as a whole. But its self-serving and lazy. Seek therapy. Walk through what may be causing your issues/bitterness/envy etc and move past it. Confidence and being oblivious to what others are doing around you will give you perspective.
I agree with Dewdrop...she said it very well, much better and more succinctly than I ever could have!
Again, my genuine sympathies to you, my friend... I know it may be a lil hard to understand from the place where you are at right now, but please trust me, I know from experience that the good news is, all it takes is one girl, to break that previous pattern. One special girl...so please, above all do not give up on finding love...instead, go find her, that girl!
ETA: findly also had some good advice, about possibly obtaining some therapy...I tried it for some time, and found it to be extremely helpful myself, actually...
This. And I understand how the OP feels because I felt the same way at one point. I saw my friends dating and going from relationship to relationship while all I did was gather a.large group of male friends.
Nobody is entitled to a relationship, though, and some people just arent cut out for it regardlessof how much you may want it or how much you feel you deserve it.
Calm down OP - you're in a better situation than you realize.
You could of been one of those peers in relationship after relationship, and done something stupid like having children at a young age, and stuck with the consequences.
But you're not.
All you need is likely counseling, and deep soul searching - because the common denominator is you - not anyone else.
No apology required for a statement of fact such as this.
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