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Old 03-06-2013, 02:01 PM
 
Location: Southfield
80 posts, read 87,363 times
Reputation: 75

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A love-shy or incel boy (which is ME) enters puberty and suddenly is interested in girls. And I'm not alone, suddenly all my peers are as well. However, I quickly learn there is something wrong as most of my friends go on to have normal dating experiences, and sex and relationships at all the appropriate times in their youth while I am unable to. If I am LS it is because I am unable to approach them. Otherwise, i would have done everything saw my more successful peers do, But yet I get constantly, inexplicably rejected.

Now I was the nicest guy you would ever meet. And I was just as nice to the girls. Not because I wanted to get in their pants. I just want a normal relationship. Dating. Companionship. What all of MY peers have.

But it never happened. Instead, I saw the boys who were the most obnoxious, the biggest bullies in the school, were the most successful with the girls. These girls would complain about how these guys treated them, and how much they wanted a nice guy. But I am completely invisible to them. When they finally broke up with the a-holes, they would move right along to another a-hole. Rinse and repeat. Throughout junior high. Throughout high school. Then I graduate and move off to the south, thinking at last I would get my due. But no, it was more of the same. Boy, was I f*cking wrong. It was even worse than high school. Ghetto hoodrat, stuck up, or redneck racist...All the more disturbing because these people were intelligent educated girls that should have known better. I can become friends with them, and end up friend-zoned... but I never get any further. And then I gets to listen to them ***** about the guy they are banging every weekend.

So another four to six years of my life goes by. I return home, ruined from recession, where I'm stuck playing FS2004, shooting ILS approaches in a computer generated Boeing 747-400 in my mother's basement while working a job that pays no living wage just to push a line of SHOPPING CARTS. And then back out into the "real world" where a man can't even ask out a girl where he works for fear of being fired for sexual harassment .Most of the women around are taken. And more and more of MY old friends are getting married and settled down, while I am still at square zero. And you don't think i have a right to be pissed off about that?
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Old 03-06-2013, 02:07 PM
 
Location: Albuquerque, NM
13,285 posts, read 15,312,275 times
Reputation: 6658
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trell B View Post
And you don't think i have a right to be pissed off about that?
No.

Pissed-off is a useless emotion.

You have a right to be frustrated. You have a right to be unhappy. You have a right to be unsatisfied.

But, being pissed-off does nothing for you.
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Old 03-06-2013, 02:08 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,192 posts, read 25,178,273 times
Reputation: 22276
I'd spend my time working to improve my situation. Be angry - be frustrated - get it all out and then move on.
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Old 03-06-2013, 02:10 PM
 
4,217 posts, read 7,304,232 times
Reputation: 5372
It's easy to deflect internal issues onto society as a whole. But its self-serving and lazy. Seek therapy. Walk through what may be causing your issues/bitterness/envy etc and move past it. Confidence and being oblivious to what others are doing around you will give you perspective.
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Old 03-06-2013, 02:13 PM
 
5,460 posts, read 7,763,966 times
Reputation: 4631
I agree with Dewdrop...she said it very well, much better and more succinctly than I ever could have!

Again, my genuine sympathies to you, my friend... I know it may be a lil hard to understand from the place where you are at right now, but please trust me, I know from experience that the good news is, all it takes is one girl, to break that previous pattern. One special girl...so please, above all do not give up on finding love...instead, go find her, that girl!

ETA: findly also had some good advice, about possibly obtaining some therapy...I tried it for some time, and found it to be extremely helpful myself, actually...
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Old 03-06-2013, 02:14 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,901 posts, read 42,716,107 times
Reputation: 42769
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trell B View Post
Then I graduate and move off to the south, thinking at last I would get my due. But no, it was more of the same.
Your due?
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Old 03-06-2013, 02:27 PM
 
9,408 posts, read 13,744,394 times
Reputation: 20395
What an entitled world we live in.

You are not due anything in life sorry.
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Old 03-06-2013, 02:37 PM
 
Location: Up in the air
19,112 posts, read 30,638,087 times
Reputation: 16395
Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna View Post
What an entitled world we live in.

You are not due anything in life sorry.
This. And I understand how the OP feels because I felt the same way at one point. I saw my friends dating and going from relationship to relationship while all I did was gather a.large group of male friends.

Nobody is entitled to a relationship, though, and some people just arent cut out for it regardlessof how much you may want it or how much you feel you deserve it.
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Old 03-06-2013, 02:44 PM
 
1,429 posts, read 2,446,284 times
Reputation: 1909
Calm down OP - you're in a better situation than you realize.

You could of been one of those peers in relationship after relationship, and done something stupid like having children at a young age, and stuck with the consequences.

But you're not.

All you need is likely counseling, and deep soul searching - because the common denominator is you - not anyone else.
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Old 03-06-2013, 03:23 PM
 
Location: Virginia Beach, VA
11,157 posts, read 14,010,074 times
Reputation: 14940
Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna View Post
You are not due anything in life sorry.
No apology required for a statement of fact such as this.
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