I lied to my boyfriend and feel guilty (dating, girlfriend, how to)
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So I finally met a guy who really ticked all the boxes! He's a guy I met in grad school but we were never really friends or dated or anything back then. Anyway we met up again through work and we really hit it off!
We got serious pretty quickly but I've been in enough fizzled relationships to know how to be. I don't want to get long winded here. On the weekend we were talking about grad school and the stresses we all had back then. We agreed that every life chapter has its challenges. All good. He's logical and his head is on straight (in addition to be super attractive!) We started talking about the friends we made back then. Turns out there were some people that we both knew.He then asked me if I knew or had dated a certain guy from grad school. I laughed and told him like he knows I'm no virgin. He laughed as well and said for sure no problem I had a life as did he and he respects that. He added though that that particular guy is not somebody he likes (putting it mildly...)and that he can't see himself in a long term relationship with a woman that guy has "been with." So I laughed and told him he has nothing to worry about that I have not been with that guy. And that was it. We moved on and discussed other people from school.
Thing is, I lied and I'm feeling lousy about that because I was "with" that guy for a short while. I'm not sure if my boyfriend caught it or not or if my voice changed or whatever when I said I didn't. What if he finds out? Not sure what to do if anything now. I guess I want some advice if I should do or say anything.
Come clean, explain yourself then apologize for bending the truth.
I'm not sure what else you're looking for? Ways to continue to lie to make yourself feel better?
A way to not address the issue and fix how you feel knowing you lied?
"That" guy bothers him? Really?
I wonder why?
Just say the truth, and see what happens.
Be warned, guy like this might make big deal about other petty things. Seems inmature, insecure, and who knows what else... Could be a jealous and possessive type.
You lied??!? Watch out for the hyenas on this forum.
Anyway.
It's not a good thing to lie even though we all do at one time or another. I really don't think who you spent time with in the past is any of his business. I wouldn't say anything and I would not feel guilty.
You lied??!? Watch out for the hyenas on this forum.
Classy, and mature! They aren't married, remember?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scrat335
It's not a good thing to lie even though we all do at one time or another. I really don't think who you spent time with in the past is any of his business. I wouldn't say anything and I would not feel guilty.
I agree. Move on.
This is a sign of insecurity in your "perfect" guy, though. Watch out for other red flags.
While I don't think the lie was a good idea, it's an odd notion that he would evaluate a potential partner based on who her exes are rather than his own experiences with her.
Move on. You shouldn't have lied, and for future reference: don't, but you did so the damage is done.
Don't come clean and don't feel bad. It's a non-issue, really. If he does ever find out, and tries to make a rah-rah about it, then you know he's a little unbalanced and it's better off you walk away.
However, it's really none of his business and saying something will only put a damper on your relationship. You don't have ties with the guy (I'm assuming), and I don't think your BF will be hanging out with him anytime soon, so why bother?
"That" guy bothers him? Really?
I wonder why?
Just say the truth, and see what happens.
Be warned, guy like this might make big deal about other petty things. Seems inmature, insecure, and who knows what else... Could be a jealous and possessive type.
I think you hit the bullseye when you said he's insecure and jealous. It's just that there's more to why he hates that guy. Back in grad school that guy ended up "being with" his girlfriend at the time and he only found out later when that guy bragged about it. So I totally get his view of that guy (not to mention his girlfriend)
You should pull him aside and come clean. If he can't handle it, it's his problem--you were 'with' this other guy in the past, before you two started dating. Holding his personal beef with the guy against you is completely illogical.
If he ever finds out, simply tell him he put you in an awkward, no-win position and your only option was to deny it.
Don't put up without that kind of nonsense.
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They aren't married, remember? 
