Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Hello! ... Okay so quick little question ... (I'm in college) me and my boyfriend have been together (officially) for about 9 months. We are getting so close emotionally and I love him so much. Something happened about 8 and a half months ago that popped back into my head recently... I'll keep it short -
My boyfriend and I had only been dating for about twenty days, and I went out of town to visit some friends one night. We were all partying and I didn't get too crazy. I stayed in my friends dorm and he was extremely drunk ... he tried to get into bed with me and eventually I pushed him out on the floor and he left me alone.
I knew that I didn't want anything to do with it, and didn't act on anything he was trying to do. The problem is this friend still tries to keep in touch with me on a strict friend basis because I've known him for a long time ... But I would never see him that way. Am I obligated to tell my boyfriend what happened even though I didn't do anything wrong? Should I completely stop being friends with that person? I just always want to be honest with my boyfriend, but with something that happened so long ago and had no significance... should I just leave it alone?
(Sorry if this seems a little petty, just don't have anyone to talk to it about...) Thank you for any help or suggestions.
In my opinion it would be daft to tell your boyfriend about something so trivial. As far as staying friends with the "friend" is concerned, that's entirely up to you. If I had a friend of longstanding I wouldn't consider ditching because of one drunk mistake but if you feel strongly about it and don't view him as a friend any more then tell him so and go on your merry way. Good luck!
If it was me, I would tell him, not because you have to, but because it's been 8.5 months and it's clearly still bothering you. As for staying friends with the friend, I think that one's up to you. I wouldn't blame you for feeling uncomfortable and wanting to do the fade, but if you don't feel that way, there would be nothing wrong with a friendship either (though I would avoid ever being alone with him or staying over with him again.)
I knew that I didn't want anything to do with it, and didn't act on anything he was trying to do. The problem is this friend still tries to keep in touch with me on a strict friend basis because I've known him for a long time ... But I would never see him that way. Am I obligated to tell my boyfriend what happened even though I didn't do anything wrong? Should I completely stop being friends with that person? I just always want to be honest with my boyfriend, but with something that happened so long ago and had no significance... should I just leave it alone?
I would say no, you are not obligated to tell your boyfriend about every guy that tries to hit on you. Yes stop leading the other guy on, you know he wants sex and there's no real point in that "friendship".
I think you should question why you would want to tell the boyfriend about your friends amorous intentions, would it make him jealous, would it be to make sure other men want you for sex?
I would say no, you are not obligated to tell your boyfriend about every guy that tries to hit on you. Yes stop leading the other guy on, you know he wants sex and there's no real point in that "friendship".
I think you should question why you would want to tell the boyfriend about your friends amorous intentions, would it make him jealous, would it be to make sure other men want you for sex?
Actually, the funny thing is the reason I don't want to tell my boyfriend is because I do not want him to be jealous, or think that there would ever be anything to come of my friendship with this person.
Sorry, but it's selfish to want to tell him. It somehow unburdens you, but will place a great mistrust on you by him. Why after all this time would you bring up what is such a trivial matter. You didn't sleep with the guy, but your boyfriend will ALWAYS wonder. You are just burdening him with doubt. If you said something the day you came home that's one thing, but now it's ridiculous.
As far as your other "friend" how do you view this person as a good and strictly a friend when you know darn well the minute the opportunity arises he'd bed you down in a second. What is it that you get from this friendship on your end? Just knowing someone for a long time isn't really justification for having a 'friendship' unless of course, you like knowing this person is an option if your current situation doesn't work out or you like the desire and attention.
Do not tell the bf. It will only cause problems. If you feel the need to tell someone about it, talk to the "friend" that the whole situation happened with..
Honestly, what will you accomplish by telling this to your boyfriend? Nothing. You will just put unpleasant thoughts in his head and that's it. Just stay away from that "friend" of yours if you don't want any problems.
Hello! ... Okay so quick little question ... (I'm in college) me and my boyfriend have been together (officially) for about 9 months. We are getting so close emotionally and I love him so much. Something happened about 8 and a half months ago that popped back into my head recently... I'll keep it short -
My boyfriend and I had only been dating for about twenty days, and I went out of town to visit some friends one night. We were all partying and I didn't get too crazy. I stayed in my friends dorm and he was extremely drunk ... he tried to get into bed with me and eventually I pushed him out on the floor and he left me alone.
I knew that I didn't want anything to do with it, and didn't act on anything he was trying to do. The problem is this friend still tries to keep in touch with me on a strict friend basis because I've known him for a long time ... But I would never see him that way. Am I obligated to tell my boyfriend what happened even though I didn't do anything wrong? Should I completely stop being friends with that person? I just always want to be honest with my boyfriend, but with something that happened so long ago and had no significance... should I just leave it alone?
(Sorry if this seems a little petty, just don't have anyone to talk to it about...) Thank you for any help or suggestions.
Honesty is not always the best policy. Telling girlfriends and boyfriends about affairs or almost affairs or kisses does NOTHING good. There is NOTHING about it that's logically sound. Nothing. It's just people's misguided idea about honesty. Honesty is good. But it has to be used in the correct ways.
Telling them about such things would ONLY upset them. Is that what you want? To upset him? To break the trust between you? To have him always think badly about you two whenever he sees you two together at some gathering?
You don't have to stop being around that other guy as long as you can trust yourself not to do anything. It doesn't mater what his intentions are, as long as yours are pure.
Really, being a good person doesn't mean that you have to be honest in bad situations. For example, when you are hiding someone from police and they ask you about him, would you lie? Yes. Would that make you a bad person? No. Being dishonest does NOT make you a bad person if your dishonesty HELPS to save the situation. Being dishonest is only bad if it's harmful to the other person.
Clearning the concscience, if you need that, just go to the priest, or someone trustworthy. But DON'T use your boyfriend to clear your conscience.
I would tell because if it comes around as gossip it will be a lot worse and its bothering you. I would also cut the friend off that doesn't respect your boundaries and relationships. That is not a friend. You don't need to talk to him either because he doesn't deserve it. He made the moves on someone else's girlfriend. He is trash. Expect your boyfriend not to be ok with you going solo like this because of the situation though. If your boyfriend doesn't trust your word well..what kind of relationship is that? If the whole thing falls through it was not meant to be. I believe your boyfriend should be a best friend and be able to talk about anything. Wouldn't you want to know if one of his (boyfriend) friends did the same?
Hitting on someone and crawling into bed with them are two different things. That guy also seems creepy for trying that on you while drunk. Why did you think it was ok to sleep at another male's house when you are in a relationship in the first place? You probably sent creepo mixed messages with that one.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
