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Okay let me put it like this, my ex-girlfriend and I first met each other a few months ago(back in January), then about a few weeks ago she wanted to break-up with me and just have us be "friends". Then a little bit later(a few days or a couple of days later after the break-up) I begged her ...
Blackandgold51.....I don't think she's a bad person...she's just not ready to have an exclusive relationship right now....and by the sounds of it ...you are.
Situations like this have led to me not staying friends with exes. I think I've tried to be friends to an extent, but it just doesn't work because either one of us still has feelings or there are lingering feelings for both of us.
I would consider being friends with an ex if there was no attraction and it had been a while since we dated. I also think I would have had to be good friends with the girl before we dated. Right now she's not really your "friend." You still think of her as a girlfriend and she thinks of you as a friend. Now's the time to think about yourself and not her.
Blackandgold51.....I don't think she's a bad person...she's just not ready to have an exclusive relationship right now....and by the sounds of it ...you are.
I know what you mean. She used to have past relationships with her boyfriends before she met me, I think she's tired of it but like I've said before in my earlier(first) post, I haven't been one of her boyfriends and I know not to bother her when she don't wants to be bothered. Matter of fact I've even said to her as a suggestion that we should at least take a break from each other for 5 days before the weekend or wheneve she feels like it. Cause' I know that you don't have to be around the same person almost everyday.
Matter of fact I've even said to her as a suggestion that we should at least take a break from each other for 5 days before the weekend or wheneve she feels like it..
I believe this girl probably doesn't think you actually want to date her...
Okay let me put it like this, my ex-girlfriend and I first met each other a few months ago(back in January), then about a few weeks ago she wanted to break-up with me and just have us be "friends". Then a little bit later(a few days or a couple of days later after the break-up) I begged her to come back to me and she did but then about a couple of weks later she said to me about a couple of days ago that she wants to be "friends" again. I mean, what is it up with her, I don't treat her with disrespect, I don't curse at her, I don't abuse her, I was there for her when she was in trouble and when everyone talked negative about her all I cared for was she alright and everything's fine, when she needed something I was there and if I don't have it(such as money and others. etc.) I tell her that I don't have it. Also, I don't touch her any kind of way unless she wants me to(although she say's that she doesn't mind) but I don't because I respect Women, and when she had problems I let her talk to me about it. So, what is it that she wants? And for the past couple of days she still once in a while she touches me on the butt or tell me to get a haircut and such. She's say's that she would like for us to remain friends but is she just saying that to cover up that she still would like to be with me? And should I keep giving her space(which I did most of the time before the break-up since I do know that people in general want space) until she finally decides to be with me?
I'm going to tell you that the single biggest mistake you made was begging her to come back. Problem is she is now holding all the cards in the relationship and sees you as weak. She knows you will put her wants and needs before your own.
That being said, how do you fix it... Simple. Don't talk to her for a while. Don't be around, go out and find something to do. Get that hair cut, buy a new shirt and pants, get your mind off her. If she has any feelings for you at all She'll think you lost interest and most likely wonder why you're not begging to be with her again. She'll start to think she lost you and that will upset her which is a good thing.
If she wants to play games you need to be better at the game. The biggest problem is she is seeing you as weak and using you as her personal door mat. Don't let her do it.. I've been down this path a couple of times and it's a dirty set of mind games that's better left un-played but it does work. Create loss in her mind while making yourself seem more valuable will turn the tables after a break up.
Last edited by johna01374; 08-12-2011 at 09:45 AM..
Okay let me put it like this, my ex-girlfriend and I first met each other a few months ago(back in January), then about a few weeks ago she wanted to break-up with me and just have us be "friends". Then a little bit later(a few days or a couple of days later after the break-up) I begged her to come back to me and she did but then about a couple of weks later she said to me about a couple of days ago that she wants to be "friends" again. I mean, what is it up with her, I don't treat her with disrespect, I don't curse at her, I don't abuse her, I was there for her when she was in trouble and when everyone talked negative about her all I cared for was she alright and everything's fine, when she needed something I was there and if I don't have it(such as money and others. etc.) I tell her that I don't have it. Also, I don't touch her any kind of way unless she wants me to(although she say's that she doesn't mind) but I don't because I respect Women, and when she had problems I let her talk to me about it. So, what is it that she wants? And for the past couple of days she still once in a while she touches me on the butt or tell me to get a haircut and such. She's say's that she would like for us to remain friends but is she just saying that to cover up that she still would like to be with me? And should I keep giving her space(which I did most of the time before the break-up since I do know that people in general want space) until she finally decides to be with me?
Here is my take on it: she likes you too much and whatever you do (how you respond) is making her feel bad. You are doing something wrong. It's causing her pain and so she is trying to protect herself by lowering her expectations with regards to you, she wants to cut herself off from pain that you are causing her and so "just be friends" seems like a decent idea to accomplish that.
because you begged her, she came back to you. that means she can't resist you, but you still are making her feel bad.
my guess is: you "respect" her too much. she wants to be treated as a sexual woman, show her that she is desirable and you want her and that will make her feel better
maybe i am wrong, but I met a guy like you before (and so did the woman in "mirror has two faces" movie), watch it maybe it will give you some insight (if this is the problem)
when you said: "i do not touch her" that's not something to be proud of
sometimes being touched shows women that they are wanted and cherished and desirable, other things (like platonic relationships) make them feel not special and unwanted
Last edited by LoveWisdom; 08-12-2011 at 09:59 AM..
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She's say's that she would like for us to remain friends but is she just saying that to cover up that she still would like to be with me? And should I keep giving her space(which I did most of the time before the break-up since I do know that people in general want space) until she finally decides to be with me?
