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Not sure how to tell the long story, shortly. Most of my unhappy feelings started about 6 yrs ago, not that everything was perfect before that but I had very little to complain about. I was healthy, had a decent job, a lot of friends, good relationship with my boyfriend and loved where I lived. I was a couple years into a relationship, renting an apartment and wanting to buy a house with him. We looked around the area but couldn't find anything reasonable that we liked. He was being much more choosy because he wanted a large yard and large garage but we weren't qualified for anything like that in the area we wanted to live. In the meantime, I started having some strange health issues but they would come and go so I didn't think it was anything too serious. I felt good most of the time. We started considering other states because he works for an airline and can commute to work via plane for free. I really loved the area I lived in but I was being flexible in order for this to work out. We ended up moving from the NE to the SE. We did a lot of research and flew south to look at houses about 5 or 6 times. We were not familiar with the area but weather was going to be better and taxes were going to be lower. We were also able to find a house that he wanted with a big yard. It was not the location I wanted but again, I was trying to be flexible.
Once we moved, I had to start a new career, which cost me over $6,000 to get started. This was Jan. 2007 and right after that the economy went to crap which greatly effected whether or not this career was going to be successful. In addition it turned out that my health issues were a lot worse then I thought. Unfortunately I got the run around with dr's and not the help I needed so my health issues got even worse to the point I could barely work. This caused a lot of emotional and financial strain and put us in credit card debt that we did not have before. This also caused me to become deeply depressed and I've spent the last 2+ yrs crying most of the time and in bed. I'm in bed because of the depression but also I have a huge amount of pain most of the time and chronic migrain headaches.
During all of this, his mother retired and moved down here nearby. She can be nice and helpful sometimes but most of the time she has driven me nuts. I don't want to carry on about her because I feel bad saying mean things but I'll just say part of my depression is also been having to deal with her. I have been dealing with her personality that I don't particularly like but also the fact that she tells me all the time that she hates people and doesn't want friends, she doesn't want hobbies, no boyfriend. So her whole life she wants is to just be around me and my boyfriend and puts pressure on us to make her happy. It's hard to make someone happy you're not crazy about and if you're sick and not feeling happy yourself. I've talked to my boyfriend a hundred times about it, I've complained a lot to say the least but nothing ever gets done or changes. No boundries are set up and it's like being in a relationship with someone thats already married to someone else. Every single thing she needs she asks him...from doing her Christmas shopping online for her, to balancing her checkbook, to tiling her kitchen. The things she doesn't ask him to do, he just says he will do so she doesn't ask someone else. In the meantime he works in another state, not home 2 wks out of the month, has his own house to take care of and a girlfriend (me). As you can imagine, there is a lot more to this and I'm not suggesting we don't do things with her or he ever help her but he can't have two girlfriends/one being his mom. It's been such a battle while I'm sick, not making money, depressed and missing where I used to live/friends. I get nowhere with conversations and he is passive/aggresive.
To make matters worse, when he is home a lot of that time is playing video games. If we ever do anything fun at all it's because I suggest it, plan it and even sometimes pay for it just so we can do it. No romance, some affection though and we still say I love you after almost 8 yrs. I know I complain a lot and it's driving him nuts but I'm here by myself and I hate where we live. The list is so long of why I hate it here but even so, I have tried. I tried changing my attitude, I've tried joining groups to meet people and I have but most are older or really young. I have nothing in common with them. I came from a NE metro area and moved to a woodsy southern area where it is complete opposite.
So it's gotten to point that we mostly only text when he's away at work. Then when he is here, we watch tv in different rooms most of the time. We argue, a lot. This last week we had several long conversations about everything but I don't feel much hope. I told him I can't be around his mother as much, she makes me more depressed and disrespects me. So that's going to cause more problems. We made a plan that one day to buy a place back where I'm from as an investment and I can stay up there part of the year. He refuses to move and likes it here where we live plus now his mother moved here so we're stuck anyway. This purchase may or may not happen but if it does, it would be years away being we're in so much debt.
There are other issues and a lot of the time I also feel guilt for even complaining when others have it much worse. So basically I feel guilt on top of all the other stuff going on in my head. I'm writing all this because the last few days have been the worse and I really feel no hope. At the same time, we have a mortgage, two dogs, I'm sick on a lot of meds with a lot of medical expenses and even if we sold the house we would lose money.
I do love this guy, he has a lot of good qualities but we are so different and he doesn't seem to really hear me. I think he just hears blah, blah, blah and he's tired of it but I don't know what to do to make everything better. When I used to hear about people commiting suicide I would think it's selfish and how can they do that to their family. I'm not saying I would do this but I think an awful lot about dying. When I wake up in the morning I used to jump up, energetic and most days were good. Now I wake up and I'm disappointed I woke up at all and I cry almost every time.
I'm so sorry you're going through this and feel so alone. Depression is a serious illness and I would urge you to talk to your doctors. If they won't listen, find a new one. Show them this post. Please get some help sweetie.
It sounds like the root of most of your depression is your health, location, and lack of friends/family close by. Any chance you can change two of those things...location, which will bring you closer to friends and family? What are the odds you can go back to the NE without him for awhile to see if you can get yourself out of this miserable situation you're in now?
I'm curious, are you taking depression meds prescribed by a family practice doc but not seeing a therapist? Depression meds are not a cure, and they are most effective in conjunction with therapy.
Explore your options to get out of there, no matter the cost. Then consider talking to a professional so you aren't just pumping yourself full of meds indefinitely, which obviously aren't working.
Thx all but I have been seeing a therapist for 1.5 yrs. I never wanted to but had to because of how depressed I became. I'm on Wellbutrin because I can't take anything with Serotonin, it makes me sick. I've tried many, many meds and none of them help and most give me terrible side effects. Wellbutrin seems to be the best. I don't like taking anything but know I would be even worse w/o it. I'm on a lot of other meds because of my medical issues and some do cause depression but anyone that knows about meds, they cause all kinds of things. I can't get around it. I've been to Alternative Medical Clinics to get help but no good. I've been to the dr talking about this many, many times and my primary is great. He is very compassionate and tries anything and everything, he really does try to help. The therapist sessions are ok, I like her but sometimes it turns into a ***** and moan session which not sure helps. I've changed my diet, gone to physical therapy 3 times but too much pain. Part of the problem is, I'm a very outgoing, sociable person and now I'm alone most of the time and just sitting in the house. Thankfully I adopted two dogs and I swear they have saved my life but talking to dogs all day everyday is not enough. As far as going back north, I can't because of the health issues and money issues or I would for sure. I am a very strong person and have tried harder then anyone I know, I really mean that but I'm defeated. because I have tried so hard makes it even sadder for me. If I didn't try, I can just blame myself. I've spent thousands trying to get better, I've joined groups/clubs, whatever to put myself out there to meet people. I did become friends with one girl that I really liked but she hated it here to and moved 5 hours away. I have a long list of drugs I tried that didn't help for one reason or another, in the meantime cost me a ton of money and made me feel worse most of the time. I keep trying but ready to put up the white flag and say I give up. My dogs and believe it or not my sense of humor are the only two things that I'm hanging on to. I used to laugh all the time and make others laugh so there is a little of that left but it's dwindled a lot. I feel bad carrying on here when other people have bigger problems, I guess I'm just venting because I'm desperate. I appreciate anyone that has taken the time to read/write.
I sympathize with your medical problems, as I've seen that you have tried everything to change that.
However, you can still possibly change your attitude and how you treat people around you.
Despite everything, you have one thing you can appreciate: your boyfriend staying with you through all this and helping you financially. Instead of complaining to him about all those things that you wish you could change, why don't you try and at least establish a cordial relationship with him again (cut the complaints... ) and his mother. Instead of focusing on why you hate her (and I'm with you, I think she is sort of strange by not wanting friends and hobbies), why don't you try to include her as your support system. All I'm asking is for you to visualize her as your new live-in best friend and think of all the good qualities she has (is she a good cook? is she good at comforting people? is she taking care of you?) and reciprocate.
I also love that you are such a fighter, and you want desperately for things to go back to when you were independent. Bear in mind that, that is not likely to happen soon. You need to take baby steps to recover and be happy despite health issues.
It just seems to me that you have a picture of EXACTLY what you want (the past) and unwilling to adapt. Sometimes you just have to settle. You said you have no problem meeting friends, then why be so picky about their age? You might not have any common ground with them to begin with, if they are nice people and like you enough to care, I say they are worth hanging on to. In this day and age, friends can come from all over the world, I'm sure you are already making friends by coming on to this forum.
And surely, there are some hobbies you can do alone, such as reading, start a Youtube channel, start a blog, writing a book that would fulfill you and maybe (just maybe) these pastimes will turn into money making tools...
Thx all but I have been seeing a therapist for 1.5 yrs. I never wanted to but had to because of how depressed I became. I'm on Wellbutrin because I can't take anything with Serotonin, it makes me sick. I've tried many, many meds and none of them help and most give me terrible side effects. Wellbutrin seems to be the best. I don't like taking anything but know I would be even worse w/o it. I'm on a lot of other meds because of my medical issues and some do cause depression but anyone that knows about meds, they cause all kinds of things. I can't get around it. I've been to Alternative Medical Clinics to get help but no good. I've been to the dr talking about this many, many times and my primary is great. He is very compassionate and tries anything and everything, he really does try to help. The therapist sessions are ok, I like her but sometimes it turns into a ***** and moan session which not sure helps. I've changed my diet, gone to physical therapy 3 times but too much pain. Part of the problem is, I'm a very outgoing, sociable person and now I'm alone most of the time and just sitting in the house. Thankfully I adopted two dogs and I swear they have saved my life but talking to dogs all day everyday is not enough. As far as going back north, I can't because of the health issues and money issues or I would for sure. I am a very strong person and have tried harder then anyone I know, I really mean that but I'm defeated. because I have tried so hard makes it even sadder for me. If I didn't try, I can just blame myself. I've spent thousands trying to get better, I've joined groups/clubs, whatever to put myself out there to meet people. I did become friends with one girl that I really liked but she hated it here to and moved 5 hours away. I have a long list of drugs I tried that didn't help for one reason or another, in the meantime cost me a ton of money and made me feel worse most of the time. I keep trying but ready to put up the white flag and say I give up. My dogs and believe it or not my sense of humor are the only two things that I'm hanging on to. I used to laugh all the time and make others laugh so there is a little of that left but it's dwindled a lot. I feel bad carrying on here when other people have bigger problems, I guess I'm just venting because I'm desperate. I appreciate anyone that has taken the time to read/write.
Okay, I'm sure your doctor and therapist are lovely people, but honestly, after this much time for you to be doing worse and not better is not a good sign.
Please seek a second opinion from another doctor about your health issues!
Ditto for your therapist.
You really sound OVER medicated to me and that could be so much of your trouble.
When things are THIS bad, you have to think outside the box.
I know that is much harder now that you are much weaker, but honestly honey, YOU HAVE TO SAVE YOURSELF - the Calvary ain't coming
I am so impressed that you've managed so well this far - GOOD FOR YOU
But I am very alarmed by your mention of suicide as a viable option to your pain and situation.
PLEASE, muster your strength, dig deep and seek some other opinions.
Your life depends on it.
And your life is very valuable.
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