Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
People are waaay more picky online and it's kind of cold. I suggest getting more hobbies, varied ones, and trying to meet women that way. Also put the word out to family and friends that you're looking and to introduce you to someone ATTRACTIVE.
I really like the emphasis on ATTRACTIVE. I'd amend the suggestion to focus on your guy friends to hook you up since women are terrible at setting people up and should probably be legally banned from doing so.
And I agree, people can be very picky online, not just with their checklist but with expectations. The irony, as I mentioned, is that despite this so many women misrepresent themselves (weight, old pictures, pictures from flattering angles, etc.).
So in summary, I'd say continue match.com, but only use it as one of your outlets to meet women. I've had friends rave about 'Plenty Of Fish'. There is also the much derided bar scene, which I happen to love.
I'm starting to think even bars are better too. And by the way, men online have high standards, expectations and misrepresent themselves too.
Don't post pics of your nice car and list your income. I actually run away from the men with their nice cars and always wonder why someone who makes more than 50 grand will post that.
Also, I know its harder for Asian men, but I have seen them get dates and girlfriends. I think you might have a better chance offline. I know, easier said than done.
It's a shame that you've divided this list of your own attributes into assets and liabilities. For example, "6 figure income" is an asset while "Asian" is what you consider a liability.
Nothing wrong with being realistic. In fact, it'd be great if more people were realistic!
Don't post pics of your nice car and list your income. I actually run away from the men with their nice cars and always wonder why someone who makes more than 50 grand will post that.
Yeah, I think posting profession (or maybe just saying professional job) is good and subtle enough. Everybody can do the math.
What dating sites will never tell you is that they are every bit as difficult for men, if not more difficult, than the real world. Unless you're EXCESSIVELY attractive, it can be very hit or miss. Women tend to inflate their own value, while men tend to shoot too high. This is why I actually liked eharmony better than other sites. There's less browsing and introductions aren't really "out of the blue" like they are on the other sites. Of course, eharmony works the best if you're more relationship-minded.
OkCupid has done some humorous studies of the messaging habits of each gender. Apparently women think well more than half of the men online are below average in terms of attractiveness, while men see the women's spectrum closer to 50/50. It also found that women get barraged with tons of messages and respond to very few, and they often don't send messages of their own. I hear women complain about online dating nearly every single day and some of the social rules that have been conceived of the online dating movement are rather funny.
I'd certainly agree with those posters who say NOT to post your income or nice car. Those are two things that some people would try to use to "get their foot in the door" but it actually hurts your chances of finding a real relationship. At the outset of the relationship, they are only distractions.
(primarily interested in hearing guys who have tried match)
i am also late 20's. i'm sort of an ugly dude, not really photogenic; so i didn't have much success with match.com. Definitely not an experience i'd pay money for... profiles are full of high expectations; tough to get a response; if you get a response its rarely anything interesting; you'll agree to meet and then she'll flake; if/when you meet, she's generally not as attractive as the photos; the list of drawbacks is long, and the whole thing isn't "fun". So, for me, I like to experiment with the free sites off-and-on, throw sh*t to the wall and see what sticks.. but I generally expect that if I'm really serious about finding someone I'm attracted to, the only option is to go out and be social.
i have a good buddy of mine whose attitude sounds a bit like you (brady bunch). good personality, good character, good job, 6-pack, dimples, et cetera. Sort of introverted, but always has beautiful women around. He recently tried match.com, and described his experience as a "huge waste of time." So, I don't feel too bad.. I don't think the problem is me.
Last edited by Cletus Awreetus-Awrightus; 01-11-2012 at 10:55 AM..
I'm in my mid 40s and a guy so I refuse to date women my own age. Who wants to deal with the sagging asses and destroyed bodies, really? My target females are in mid 20s and below, but they discriminate and date only within their own age groups on these dating websites.
Imagine that! Why should they deal with YOUR sagging as@ and destroyed body?!
Imagine that! Why should they deal with YOUR sagging as@ and destroyed body?!
Reminds me of a friend of mine who is black. He talks about black women being ugly, having attitudes, and he would never date them...yet he complains about the injustice of white women not dating him cause he is black..sigh
For what I've seen, a lot of Asian women want to or only date White men. I have not seeing White women dating as many Asian guys.
True. I’d only add that yes it’s probably easier if the OP had the same attributes and was white, but I still would say he has a very good chance with a majority of women, white or otherwise, so long as he is proactive.
As a woman who's on Match for the second time, all I can tell you is to be patient and give it a few months.
Very, very true. A good friend spent a few years on match and eventually met a very attractive, smart, cool girl that became his wife. She’s the kinda girl one would think wouldn’t need online dating, which goes to show that women of all types are on there.
And please, do not put your income and pictures with your car. Real women do not care about those things as long as you have a stable job. Listing what you do for work is enough information for smart women to figure things out. Posting your 6-figure income and/or your expensive toy will only attact the wrong type of women.
Again, very much agree. If one wants to date the kind of women on Millionaire Matchmaker, then post your income. But otherwise, for all my guy friends who say that women just want a rich guy, the truth is women just want a guy with stability and some ambition.
barkomatic
No one should rely entirely upon online dating. You should think of your online presence is one leg of a chair. In order to broaden your reach you're going to need to go out and socialize and make friends in addition to your profile on Match.
Right, exactly what I was trying to say, only you said it better.
srjth
I'm starting to think even bars are better too. And by the way, men online have high standards, expectations and misrepresent themselves too.
Yes, for sure. Some of my guy friends expect Mila Kunis to ask them out any day now...
Raptor76
Reminds me of a friend of mine who is black. He talks about black women being ugly, having attitudes, and he would never date them...yet he complains about the injustice of white women not dating him cause he is black..sigh
I hate to say it, but I have a few lady-friends who are overweight, only want guys in shape, and get furious when such men aren't interested. Similarly, I have a lady-friend (cute, but not drop-dead and has a bad attitude) who is so bitter and confused that despite the fact she makes good money and is highly educated (and is a snob about it), yet she can't find her Brad Pitt.
Anyway, yes people have their preferences but absurd, even hypocritical, demands often leads to eternal loneliness and increasing bitterness.
As someone who has done match.com, okcupid, and no onto eharmony here's some points I'll share as we're about the same age:
- As mentioned before, people become very picky online, especially attractive women with a lot of options.
- Being asian may limit your responses, but doesn't make it impossible. I'm only 5'8", and there's some women out there shorter than 5'2" that wouldn't date me because of my height, but there's a ton who will too. (Besides, my vent is that most women shorter than I on match.com put 5'9" as their min requirement for height...I mean c'mon!)
- I've found response rates to increase/decrease depending on the time of year. Right after new years or right around the holidays are a good time, sometimes just as it starts to get warm out during the spring then women become a little more active with dating. Middle of summer is a bad time IMHO, people are just too busy or have a lot of fling options. Right as summer is coming to an end at the beginning of fall I see more activity.
- I've also found a slightly better response rate the shorter my messages were. Your approach is respectable, but it's becoming the norm. It's boring. She gets 10 of those emails a day. She's sick of guys emailing her about x band or x movie and how you liked it too. What did I do? I started playing to their insecurities, one-line sarcastic sentences. "Why are there always a bunch of guys in your photos? You must get around..." "Your dog is too skinny, feed it more kibbles & bits!" Just random funny sarcastic slightly-criticizing sentences. Just send that. See what kind of response you get, THEN start to be more sincere and genuine with your emails. Try to get to know them AFTER you get their attention. Some women might get turned off initially, and that may show they are the type of girls that don't have much of a sense of humor or can't handle a little adversity. But if they are turned off a little and still respond, just give a slight apology, say you didn't mean it maliciously and try to sound nicer to her in your next response.
- If you're paying money, try eharmony. It's easy as pie, doesn't take up nearly as much time. You read their profile which is more organized and broken down easier, check out their photos, then two clicks of a button and you've initiated contact. It's also very easy for them to respond by answering a few multiple choice questions. Much more effective, many more relationship minded women, you can screen them how you want with your questions during the communication process, I've got 3 dates lined up after 2 weeks with attractive, genuine, nice girls.
Best of luck!!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Why should they deal with YOUR sagging as@ and destroyed body?!
