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So I have what turns out to be a pretty long story of what happened between me and a good friend of mine on sunday. If anyone could help me analyze what I should do next or what to make of it I would appreciate it greatly.
I have been in love with a good friend for a long time now. She has recently got out of a long relationship a few weeks ago.I have been hanging out with her a lot recently but she hasn't really seemed interested which has made me upset as she seemed nice and what I would consider being maybe interested weeks before her breakup. We generally talk all throughout the day about what is going on around us and usually keep in touch pretty frequently.
So I have brought up my feelings with her a few times before but I don't feel like I was ever given a clear answer. She has never told me flat out no. The other day I pretty much came to the conclusion that she most likely does not have feelings for me like that so I sent her a text saying that I was made and have been frustrated lately because I was attracted to her but she did not feel the same way about me.
I also explained that I felt like she had been walking all over me lately and was sick of that as well. She did not respond for 3 and a half hours (I sent the previous text in the middle of a conversation). I then sent another text asking her if she was going to respond to me and a half an hour later she responded back saying that she was just about to but she had been thinking. Now since this topic has come up albeit a few years ago I feel like it shouldn't have been that big of a shock to her.
She then said that she doesn't think that her or me can help how we feel or don't feel about each other but she can tell me she values our friendship. She goes on saying that she is sorry if she made me feel unappreciated. I explain that I didn't think she would refut what I had said and moved onto what I thought about the situation of our friendship and how she treated it.
She then tells me she feels bad now and that shes really sorry for how she has treated me and that it won't happen again. She says that I would not want to be with her and that I deserve better. She then explains that she is messed up and probably won't have a normal or healthy relationship in her life.
We then decide that we can still be friends and she seemed to be happy. She then goes out to eat with some freinds and is texting me the whole day. Apparently her friends all start talking about guys and I explain to her not to bring me up. She responds that she can't feel anything now because she hurts too much.
We then stop talking for awhile and she decided she wants to leave the place but she is kinda drunk. I was asleep at this time (around 8 PM) but she asks what I am up to. I ask her a few hours later when I Wake up if she got home okay and she says that she did and the conversation ends.
Now I am trying to read all this information and analyzing this as her not having feelings for me and trying to let me down gently. I figure if she did like me she would have said so. I am really good friends with her and want to make sure I am making the right decision on this as I would hate to have a missed opportunity.
I figure if she did like me she would have said so.
Not always. Often people will let you down easily rather than being completely direct. I'm sorry to say, but if she hasn't reciprocated your feelings yet, I doubt it's going to happen. Some say if you give her less attention she'll show more interest in you, but I wouldn't count on that. I would look for other girls since you seem to be more of a friend.
There was recently another thread almost exactly like this one. If I can find it I'll link it here.
She is not interested and has directly told you so. She is using you as an emotional tampon. Your best bet is to completely cut contact with her. Then I'm willing to bet that she will miss the attention and promise you everything you've ever wanted from her in return for that back. But don't be fooled- soon enough she will be banging her ex again behind your back.
I think most people text nowadays, but if I were you I would go see her face to face, if I wanted to tell her how I feel about her. From my experience, once a girl becomes a plAtonic friend, she remains just that, although Im sure there are rare exceptions. Man up, take her out, look her in the eyes and tell het how you feel about her. If she doesnt feel the same way, then make a decision if you want to remain friends - as I know sometimes that can be difficult too. People tend to stress so much overanalyzing texts, that I really think its a waste of time. Some things are better worked out in person IMO. Good Luck
Last edited by Ascension2012; 01-23-2012 at 09:47 PM..
Highly recommend that you slow it down a bit. She's 'recovering' from a previous relationship and most likely has a lot of things going on in her head. You made your position clear and that's all you can do. Give her time - ease up on the pressure.
Do this (and even if this isn't you, enjoy the song because it's tight):
I think most people text nowadays, but if I were you I would go see her face to face, if I wanted to tell her how I feel about her. From my experience, once a girl becomes a plutonic friend, she remains just that, although Im sure there are rare exceptions. Man up, take her out, look her in the eyes and tell het how you feel about her. If she doesnt feel the same way, then make a decision if you want to remain friends - as I know sometimes that can be difficult too. People tend to stress so much overanalyzing texts, that I really think its a waste of time. Some things are better worked out in person IMO. Good Luck
"She has recently got out of a long relationship a few weeks ago."
Never, ever be the rebound guy.
She needs time to get past all her feelings for the ex.
Give her lots of time.
Time is YOUR friend right now.
^^^This.
You're looking at it from your perspective, when you need to look at it from hers. You see it as the girl you "love" is now free. Her perspective is largely pain and sadness from a long-term relationship ending. Even if she's the one that ended it, it still hurts and is upsetting, and takes time to work through and get over.
If you are such a good friend, then this is not the time for you to try to push your agenda on her. Maybe you shouldn't be that shoulder for her to cry on, and in constant contact with her, because you have other motives. She doesn't need the pressure.
When my exhusband and I first split up, a male friend/acquaintance of mine was suddenly all kinds of pushy, telling me he had feelings for me and hoping we could be together. It wasn't flattering to me, it was annoying and disrespectful of my feelings. I was very much caught up in grief and didn't see his gestures as kind, but rather self-serving. You can't just flip a switch on your emotions and switch gears to be with someone else. I have an SO now and I could tell my so-called friend was annoyed because he thought we should be together. We have almost no contact now because he had no sense of boundaries or respect for my feelings at all. IMO, a friend with an agenda isn't a friend at all.
She doesent want you as a boyfriend, but she keeps you around as a second option "just in case"
Move on
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