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Wow I haven't been on this Forum is soooo long. Hello Everyone! Ok here is the dilemma. I have known this guy for over a year; I knew he liked me and I couldn't see myself with him in the beginning because I was once caught up in the status thing--you know he has to have a powerful position or really good job to be with me thing...
Well I gave him a shot and Lo and behold we have been dating for 7 months. This guy is from the same backround as me--but he was born and raised in that country. I was not, my parents were. He is a dentist in his country and a securtiy Guard in the states. In the beginning he was so tender and sweet. And I have NEVER in my life experienced such mind blowing sex with anyone. He speaks several languages and passionately speaks French to me during close times...MIND BLOWING
My issue is now that he is here in America he appears to not have any ambition to go to dental school here or do something with himself. We really dont have much in common and we do argue alot;mainly because My english is better and my second language isnt that stronger. I mean we have some very ugly fights--he is very possessive and controlling and wants to know my where abouts.
Because the difference in our income bracket he often tells me to go find someone else b/c he can't afford me. Dude is broke--I dont like that. I get tired of paying for things; but this guy is the most sensual man that my body has ever encountered. and I dont like a man tellng me to be with someone else because he thinks I am stressful because he is broke. I knew that he probably didnt have much when i first started dating him.
Not only that I desire to get married. But there is no way I can marry him in his financial situation. He is taking classes at a college here but he doesnt have a plan. My family adores him. And he states he loves me and would love to build a life with me;but he is fearful about how broke he is and knows I wouldnt be happy.
I have a very good life as a single woman--I dont want to regress and have to live on crumbs just to be able to make love to a man when he is my husband. I wouldn't be happy. I dont know if I should just cut ties or keep doing this...
Plus I am a go getter and he likes to not do anything. I love traveling going to nice restaurants or hang out but i cant often with him b/c he cant afford it and I get mad inside each time I have to open my wallet. And he sees my body language is not happy and we fight. But his sensuality is out of this world...Whats a girl to do??
Marry a guy that can give you the kind of lifestyle that you obviously want and deserve. Some kind of idiot that either went to dental school with his daddy's money supporting him, or who took free money from the government in the form of financial aid and pell grants, or a subsidized low interest government backed loan. Get the BMW, nice house, 2.5 kids and feel like a princess that is being worshipped at the altar known as your dreams and desires.
Then - keep this totaly "sensual", great sex, five language speaking dude on the side to get you off harder, longer and better while your husband (the idiot) is at work and providing for you and your family. Then when the kids are about high school age, get an attorney that speaks the sensual language of "lets F over your husband fifty ways from Sunday", take what is yours for tolerating him for over a decade and spend the rest of your life with your amazing lover.
And through in some made up stories about how your "husband" was never there for you emotionally (or even hit you) and didn't love you, and "made" you want to leave, along with a restraining order preventing him from trying to win you back.
Keep looking for that perfect man who has every quality that you want and chances are you'll be 50yrs old and single still waiting for Mr. Perfect to come along.
There is no future in being with this guy. You argue and fight, and he tries to control what you do, how can something like that ever be turned into happiness? Have a talk with him, tell him that you have decided he is no longer going to be your exclusive date because you want to enjoy things he can't afford. If the truth were known, he may be wishing you would just start supporting him and he won't ever have to get a meaningful job. I would stop dating him exclusively and look for someone else, but you could keep him as a friend and just use him for sex. That is kind of harsh, but does he deserve more, no, I don't think he does.
There is no future in being with this guy. You argue and fight, and he tries to control what you do, how can something like that ever be turned into happiness? Have a talk with him, tell him that you have decided he is no longer going to be your exclusive date because you want to enjoy things he can't afford. If the truth were known, he may be wishing you would just start supporting him and he won't ever have to get a meaningful job. I would stop dating him exclusively and look for someone else, but you could keep him as a friend and just use him for sex. That is kind of harsh, but does he deserve more, no, I don't think he does.
I think what you have said makes sense. I do have trust issues with men and my money. Only b/c siblings would ask for money and I in the spirit of wanting to help would and then they would go blow it in Vegas. OR dating men in school that didnt have much and I paid often. I have had men who paid for everything also, but I want to be treated like a princess and loved. He always brings up money and how he thinks it is so important to me. He always says he always wants enough to live off of. Me I want to have MORE than enough so I can enjoy my life and help others.
I feel like I am going to have a panic attack sometimes b/c i dont know if he has money or not when we go to a restaurant and i dont want to sit there for 40 min with the check in front of us and he is just sitting there and then I end up paying. I know if he did have he would take me around the world-- he is very generous. But i dont understand why the hell he wont pursue a better occupation??? Or go back to his country and live there--but it is too dangerous.
He has asked me if I would marry him in his predicament; i said No. I would be opened to engagement or marriage if he was at Univ working on dental degree. I make enough for us if he were in dental school. I can work with that.
I know it must be hard to be a foreigner in this country and your family is far away. He rents a room from a couple from his native country and they a bunch of kids running around and I cant even be myself and enjoy love making in fear of me being heard--I am very loud
Its frustrating. And I am always planning our outings..he doesnt plan anythng he just tags along to whatever I want to do. I think the only reason I like him is because he is very skilled in love making..I have never liked sex prior to this man. I actually hated it, but we are very very much connected there...
I desire to be married and have a wonderful life but if it were to him my life wouldn't be what I desired.
hi chica,
my advice is to keep dating him for the time being :-). the assess the situation: Does he really have no ambitions, or no means now ?
If he has not ambitions, then it's pretty clear that his foundamental pillars in life are different then yours. If he has ambitions but not means (as of today) then keep insisting. He will come out... not as a dentist perhaps, but he will get a share in the security company, open his own ... etc.etc.
Just a little frustrated b/c I do desire companionship but I want to be able to enjoy his company outside of the bedroom and I dont believe I do. I dont even know if we are friends first, once upon a time we were, but you can sense the tension between us. If it wasn't for his "skills" I wouldve walked a long time ago. I am very much open to meeting someone else but have not met anyone after him that interested me. I have met other men; but I was not interested in them..so I would run back to Mr. Lover man Shabba!! LOL
Well I gave him a shot and Lo and behold we have been dating for 7 months. This guy is from the same backround as me--but he was born and raised in that country. I was not, my parents were. He is a dentist in his country and a securtiy Guard in the states.In the beginning he was so tender and sweet. And I have NEVER in my life experienced such mind blowing sex with anyone. He speaks several languages and passionately speaks French to me during close times...MIND BLOWING
My issue is now that he is here in America he appears to not have any ambition to go to dental school here or do something with himself. We really dont have much in common and we do argue alot;mainly because My english is better and my second language isnt that stronger. I mean we have some very ugly fights--he is very possessive and controlling and wants to know my where abouts.
Because the difference in our income bracket he often tells me to go find someone else b/c he can't afford me. Dude is broke--I dont like that.
Not only that I desire to get married. But there is no way I can marry him in his financial situation. He is taking classes at a college here but he doesnt have a plan.
I have a very good life as a single woman--I dont want to regress and have to live on crumbs just to be able to make love to a man when he is my husband. I wouldn't be happy. I dont know if I should just cut ties or keep doing this...
Plus I am a go getter and he likes to not do anything.
Please re-read the highlighted parts. That says it all. There is no way you are compatible with him for a long term relationship. The possessiveness will only get worse as his insecurity and deadbeat attitude continue.
You have clearly stated you feel your comfortable life and status will diminish with him, don't second guess yourself. Your gut is telling you these things for a reason.
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Ok here is the dilemma. I have known this guy for over a year; I knew he liked me and I couldn't see myself with him in the beginning because I was once caught up in the status thing--you know he has to have a powerful position or really good job to be with me thing...
