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It took a while before I can give my wife good professional-level massage without leading to happy endings. It is a learned skill together. It's a mixture of fun, and time, concept of giving affection without leading to sex.
And frankly, it is a natural part of being male. Seeing and physical touch can trigger testosterone rather fast. Heck, any healthy male can have involuntary erection without actively engaging in erotic thoughts. I think you should be flattered that your man an engage you in that activity with positive reactions.
One other thought. I will take a food analogy. If I am satiated, then I won't necessarily crave to have food right there and then when it is within reach.
I am also capable of fasting, and this fasting can be overcome when I believe that I will have food after a certain known time in the future.
Let's say do it on ___, then a free massage on ____, and then a happy ending massage on ___. It could even be as often as a 3 day schedule.
I like the metaphors. I have been thinking about the quantity/quality issue as you and several posters have mentioned it. I believe we have a very good, active bedroom life and never hear complaints in that department. But I'm going to try an experiment during the next few weeks. My goal is to take it from a very good sex life, to a mind-blowing one. My hope is that this will also generate more therapeutic massages for me.
This morning, I gave my hubby a particularly happy ending. I then told him that I am planning on giving him a lot more loving from now on and he better be ready for it. I told him I was going to make some schedule changes to accomplish this. Needless to say, he was quite pleased. An hour later, he called me from the train to say he really, really liked my plan. A little later he called again to ask why I had come up with this new plan. I told him I felt he deserved even more loving and that I also had Spring fever (I do get that). He is very stoked about this whole plan...LOL
Anyway, I am not going to specifically put him on a schedule, but I am going to see if more therapeutic massages can evolve from more happy ending massages.
Sometimes, after an exhausting day, I just want a really good massage that will lull me to peaceful sleep. My SO does give the best massages - they are so amazing. But about 15 minutes into it, he is ready to go. And, sometimes, I am so tired I just want to continue on to dreamland. Or, maybe the kids are in the next room and it is not the best time.
Is it just impossible for him to give me a good massage without getting aroused? He tells me he just can't help it because, although he starts with pure intentions, things just happen when he touches my body. I know it's a compliment and am happy with that. But it's not like he is being deprived in this area. If I want only the massage, should I just hire the professional massage therapist at the gym?
Get a gay male to do it or get a women if you don't mind a woman touching you.
It's like asking a man to stop urinating mid-stream.
LOL... It seems like there are a few guys on here who are capable of doing it. I am going to work on trying to get him to that point. Otherwise, it will be a standing appointment with a professional massage therapist!
Anyway, I am not going to specifically put him on a schedule, but I am going to see if more therapeutic massages can evolve from more happy ending massages.
And I think this is the exact opposite of what you should be doing here. I see his behavior as selfish. Just because he gets a woody when he touches you doesn't mean you have to boink him. That makes it all about HIS needs. If he really cared about YOUR needs, he'd exercise a little self control. It's not impossible. It's not like he's starved for it otherwise -- you said yourself that things are already satisfying in the bedroom. This is just him foisting his lack of self control on you. Sorry, but a stiffy does not always have to lead to sex. It won't kill him to ignore it occasionally FOR YOUR SAKE.
So by giving him what he wants -- a happy ending to the massages -- you're actually rewarding him for ignoring YOUR needs and reinforcing his behavior.
And I think this is the exact opposite of what you should be doing here. I see his behavior as selfish. Just because he gets a woody when he touches you doesn't mean you have to boink him. That makes it all about HIS needs. If he really cared about YOUR needs, he'd exercise a little self control. It's not impossible. It's not like he's starved for it otherwise -- you said yourself that things are already satisfying in the bedroom. This is just him foisting his lack of self control on you. Sorry, but a stiffy does not always have to lead to sex. It won't kill him to ignore it occasionally FOR YOUR SAKE.
So by giving him what he wants -- a happy ending to the massages -- you're actually rewarding him for ignoring YOUR needs and reinforcing his behavior.
Yes, I have considered this scenario and you have made very good points. And, to clarify, the woody does not always lead to sex like he'd like. He's certainly been turned down. But he is not starved at all. I'm trying to address his focus and motivation to give me a therapeutic massage. Perhaps if he is completely satiated beforehand, he will be able to focus on just the massage. Or maybe not, that's why this is merely an experiment.
I am trying to figure out just how selfish he is being. I will say he rarely comes across as selfish or lacking self-control in other areas. We don't play mind games and he is a very loving, giving person. He is also very giving in lovemaking. He is not this sex crazed lunatic. He is not into porno or anything other than me. It is just this whole massage issue I want to work on.
^^^^ Agreed! You're the selfish one! Better be thankful he still gets turned on by you...he's giving you your massages, give him woody relief....or someone else will!
^^^^ Agreed! You're the selfish one! Better be thankful he still gets turned on by you...he's giving you your massages, give him woody relief....or someone else will!
That would be the attitude of a spoiled man "Give me what I want, or else!". That's not how it should work in a loving marriage. Why force the wife to have sex? That would be the worst borign sex really. Why not do it when BOTH want it?
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Selfish
