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What's confusing to me is I'd think your 50s and 60s would be the times when you'd need companionship the most, even if its only a warm body to snuggle up to. Plus I can't even imagine the dating pool at that age. I know 40-somethings that are struggling.
But I could be wrong. Maybe at that age, people don't care as much about dating or being with someone. Who knows?
At 57 years old, I am getting ready to divorce my husband of almost 30 years. Companionship? You don't necessarily get companionship and a warm body to snuggle up to? Pets are nice. And dating? Seriously after that many years of self-sacrifice, you really don't think about sacrificing yourself again any time soon. A sort of free, free at last.
I think once the kids are gone, it gives you time to really know the person that you have married. My husband works mostly nights and I really never saw him. In my husband's case, I won't go into detail but he has decided that he needs unconditional love and admiration, he is lazier than ever before and with aging, I just can't keep up with my chores and his. He informed me 3 years ago that he thinks the woman should do whatever the man wants and what he wants..............................I told him to go find it! The love is gone, long gone and I have no respect for him.
And, the sex thing, it isn't the woman that actually loses interest in sex but in the availability/quality that an aging man can provide. No one ever mentions that when the man is complaining about the lack of interest in sex. "Cougar"? Started understanding that one.
Two people have to take marriage seriously and one is so overly selfish, there is no reason the other should try to make do. I believe my husband has narcissistic personality disorder. I have done my hard 30 for making a bad decision and I don't deserve a life sentence for that.
After 30 years of selfishness and putting all that energy into the children, there isn't much love, romance, or companionship in the typical 30 year marriage. Wife prefers to baby sit/visit/ spoil the grandchildren. Husband continues to be ignored and taken for granted, or pushed around to meet her needs. Husband finds more fun times with his buddies. After 30 years, they find they don't really need each other anymore. The previous generations were more religious and took their, "till death us do part" vows more seriously. Not the boomers. And the younger people shouldn't be casting dispersions. The way things are going, it will be worse as the years go on.
After 30 years of selfishness and putting all that energy into the children, there isn't much love, romance, or companionship in the typical 30 year marriage. Wife prefers to baby sit/visit/ spoil the grandchildren. Husband continues to be ignored and taken for granted, or pushed around to meet her needs. Husband finds more fun times with his buddies. After 30 years, they find they don't really need each other anymore. The previous generations were more religious and took their, "till death us do part" vows more seriously. Not the boomers. And the younger people shouldn't be casting dispersions. The way things are going, it will be worse as the years go on.
My husband's selfishness did not go into the children. He was incapable of loving another, narcissistic, and he is his own god. The grandchildren are in CA. The husband keeps the lounge chair warm when not at work. My husband is a narcissistic so doesn't have a lot of "buddies".
I am guessing you are speaking of your own experience. Perhaps you might ask why you are coming up on the short end of the stick?
Heck, I used to say to my first husband with a very stern face "Until DEATH do us part" and that is a lot of the reason we parted ways because someone was going to die! And, there is more to the vows than that, much more and as I told my husband "You broke the vows, take the ring off." And, I threw it in a box!
Life is too short to be just an "accessory" for another.
I don't understand the mentality that a lower divorce rate = happier, healthier people. Do you really think people in "the old days" *worked* on their marriages through open and honest communication and thus, stayed in happy unions? I'm willing to bet there were as many--or more--unhappy marriages back in this mythical Golden Age of Marriage.
Anywhere: I wasn't talking about anyone's personal experience, and definitely not my own. Its just based on what I see in my age group in many marriages. EG. I know one guy who only sees his wife on weekends, as she goes to where the grandkids live and baby sits during the week, and leaves the husband all alone for the week. That's not going to help make a marriage better. I know another couple that have almost completely separate lives, except they're living under the same roof. We know another couple that spend most of their time together fighting, at least when we've been around.
Canta: I think you're right. Just because couples stay together, doesn't mean they are happy. My mother told me that she had grandparents that never divorced, but didn't say a word to each other for years. My wifes parents stayed married till he died. I think they were unhappy almost the whole marriage. My best guess is that among long term marriages, (30+ years), only about 15% are actually happy. The rest are just trying to get along, with the least amount of agravation.
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Sometimes in life facts don't matter.
