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I became friends with my wife while we were seeing each other. It's not like we jumped each other on the first date, but we knew we had an attraction for each other and an expectation of where we wanted the relationship to go, if we found chemistry.
So I am not sure how you do a platonic relationship with someone your attracted to, with the idea of making it serious if there is chemistry. Isn't that what the initial stages of dating really are anyway?
As if that would be suspicious? And why should it be? Someone who wants to get to know you as a friend first might just be respectfully interested laying down a solid foundation for a lasting relationship. But on the other hand, if getting laid rather than friendship is more your priority, then, you might be better off seeking someone else on that same libidinous page?
I think its the way to go. Anyone that I've had that was worthwhile we were friends first. You could possibly get friend zoned, but going straight into a relationship with someone you barely know, from what I've seen simply rarely works out as planned. I think there is a certain line you have to walk if youre going to be friends first though, which is tough to explain and for you to figure out.
Even though I know it's the sensible thing to do and say under certain circumstances, if someone suggests that to me, I would find that person a lot less attractive afterwards (due to defense mechanism, I never get attached to people who aren't into to me). Therefore by the time the person is ready to date me, I would have moved on already.
See, I'm kind of like what is described above.
When a guy comes at me with this "I "like you" but I don't "like you-like you" stuff, I'm turned off. All that indecision and angst just has a whiff of effeminate to me, and I like my men more masculine than feminine.
All this "friend" business is just a sneaky way to keep another person you know is attracted to you waiting in the wings for you. Everyone feels good with options, but don't use people and toy with their feelings this way. It's sh***ty. And it's still sh**ty if a guy who considers himself "NICE" does it.
Show me a single man with a lot of platonic girlfriends and I'm 90% certain we'll be in the presence of a commitphobe or a passive-aggressive personality. Both of them are trouble for a woman who is mature, direct, and doesn't like mind games. These men are a waste of time for a woman who wants to get on with it when it comes to dating.
The older the man is, the more true this tends to be.
When a guy comes at me with this "I "like you" but I don't "like you-like you" stuff, I'm turned off. All that indecision and angst just has a whiff of effeminate to me, and I like my men more masculine than feminine.
I just don't know where women find such guys... I've never encountered these species.
I think its the way to go. Anyone that I've had that was worthwhile we were friends first. You could possibly get friend zoned, but going straight into a relationship with someone you barely know, from what I've seen simply rarely works out as planned. I think there is a certain line you have to walk if youre going to be friends first though, which is tough to explain and for you to figure out.
I disagree with this...a lot of people go right into a relationship without knowing the other person all that well. That's what dating is...getting to know one another and see if you're compatible in the long run. If a guy told me he just wanted to be friends first I would move on. I just don't see the point of that.
The longest and best relationships I ever had were the ones that took time. When someone says that they "want to be friends first". That "usually" doesn't mean that they aren't interested. It usually means that they have done the fast approach too often and got burned. This way, they can gauge the compatability rather than just the attraction. I would say definately go for it.
Girls who put out real fast for me, for whatever reason those relationships didn't seem to last. Then the ones who would take things slow-many more feelings were there when the time came for sex/love making. Although it probably shouldn't be this way. I think as guys we do tend to respect a girl that makes us wait a little bit more than someone who wants us to jump their bones on the first date.
I dunno. I'm only speaking for me. But when I think of all the short relationships I've had, sex came very quickly. When I think of the long ones, it took some time. Right or wrong I somehow personally develop more feelings for a girl who is going to make me wait a little bit. Even if it's a month. A month is long enough to develop some real intense feelings. Then when the time is right, the sex is usually awesome..But that's just me.
It's not to sayt that I never developed feelings for a girl who jumped my bones on the first date. There have been some. It's just, those relationships seem to go bad quickly for some reason. Probably because we were never really "friends" first. Just two people who were attracted to each other.
So if a girl says this, I wouldn't view it as a negative. I would view it as someone who really doesn't want to make the same mistakes with "you" as she has others..I would look at it as a good thing.
Heck, I was with a girl on and off for three years many years ago. When things went bad. There were times we would take a break. We still loved each other, so we would start over but just as friends. We tried to rekindle that "like" for each other, before the sex part again. That thing that brought you together in the first place (you know-getting to know each other again). Sometimes people tend to take each other for granted. That's why relationships are so difficult. They take a lot of work.
I don't believe in that friends first or friend thing at all. Being a friend and being in a relationship are two different animals.
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stuff, I'm turned off. All that indecision and angst just has a whiff of effeminate to me, and I like my men more masculine than feminine.
