Is most romantic love just strong liking/infatuation? (girls, call, friends)
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Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
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This isn't a discussion about what the difference between 'infatuation' and being in love is. Well, I guess that is bound to be brought up yet again...I suppose the more I think about it, the more I think the word 'love' doesn't really have a place in the romantic world.
For me real love is 'agape' love, familial love, love between close friends - love that involves sacrificing for the other person, where their wellbeing is linked to your own.
Almost all romantic love, to me, is just strong infatuation - a sexual attraction, a strong crush. That's why I've liked girls but always felt it slightly silly to say I'm 'in love' with them.
To me, to be truly in love would require being with that person for a long time and/or knowing that person inside out, knowing their soul. Kind of where romantic and agape love meet.
I'm not saying this doesn't exist, but it's not something I've personally experienced.
I believe most relationships today are based on a combination of lust and butterflies in the stomach type high-schoolish love. There is no stronger foundation than that, that's why they come and go with the wind.
Also another thing, I might talk about in another thread is ego and wanting to feel loved as a basis for a relationship.
I agree with your thought process in general. Real love for someone is far deeper than attraction or infatuation. Some people will confuse those for real love too, and I think that is when they get into trouble. For me, a real, deep love (going with the concept of agape love which you brought up) is more than a feeling or emotion. It is a conscious decision with actions.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,037,872 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Checkered24
I agree with your thought process in general. Real love for someone is far deeper than attraction or infatuation. Some people will confuse those for real love too, and I think that is when they get into trouble. For me, a real, deep love (going with the concept of agape love which you brought up) is more than a feeling or emotion. It is a conscious decision with actions.
Yes you summed it up more succinctly than me. That's why like, I never totally bought into this whole idea of celebrating romantic love so much. For me, romance was no different to any of the other sensual pleasures - for me, liking someone is like, a strong liking of them physically, or the thrill of meeting somebody new, but nothing deeper, more substantial.
I agree with your thought process in general. Real love for someone is far deeper than attraction or infatuation. Some people will confuse those for real love too, and I think that is when they get into trouble. For me, a real, deep love (going with the concept of agape love which you brought up) is more than a feeling or emotion. It is a conscious decision with actions.
I couldn't agree with you more. That instant rush of attraction, butterflies, etc. is not what a relationship is based on. So many people believe that it is, and once those feelings (naturally) subside, they think the love is over and it's time to move on to the next person who makes them feel that way.
What I really cherish with my SO (and this may partially be shaped by my ex and previous marriage), is the absolute, peace, calm and comfort I have when I'm with him. He loves me, and encompassed as part of "love", he respects me, cares for my wellbeing, and accepts me for who I am, and vice versa. IMO, that is what relationships should strive for.
looks like infatuation to me, seeing as most of these people don't stay together very long and bounce from one to the next claiming to be 'in love' with each as they go along.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,037,872 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011
I couldn't agree with you more. That instant rush of attraction, butterflies, etc. is not what a relationship is based on. So many people believe that it is, and once those feelings (naturally) subside, they think the love is over and it's time to move on to the next person who makes them feel that way.
What I really cherish with my SO (and this may partially be shaped by my ex and previous marriage), is the absolute, peace, calm and comfort I have when I'm with him. He loves me, and encompassed as part of "love", he respects me, cares for my wellbeing, and accepts me for who I am, and vice versa. IMO, that is what relationships should strive for.
I wonder if that's what people often call 'the spark.' Like, 'the spark went out of our relationship.' Well I'm not sure so it's normal for the 'butterflies in the stomach' feeling to last 20 years into a marriage, or even 2 months into a relationship. It might for some, but let's not confuse it with true love.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,037,872 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth
Infatuation just means it doesn't last. Love means it does last. Infatuation is also a bit more selfish than love and love is more settled.
Maybe a lot of relationships straddle the line between infatuation and love but never quite cross it into 'true love.' i.e. something that lasts a year or so. Of course duration doesn't tell you everything about the anatomy of the relationship.
I wonder if that's what people often call 'the spark.' Like, 'the spark went out of our relationship.' Well I'm not sure so it's normal for the 'butterflies in the stomach' feeling to last 20 years into a marriage, or even 2 months into a relationship. It might for some, but let's not confuse it with true love.
Yes, I think that's it. I think some people use the term meaning that the butterflies feeling is gone, so they're looking for the next person to bring that feeling. However, I think others use the term to indicate not that something is missing in the relationship in a broader way - that one or both aren't putting in the same effort anymore. A relationship isn't about having that spark constantly, but it's too easy to sit back and let the stresses of life take over and take your partner or relationship for granted altogether.
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