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I used to think that proper etiquette dictated responding to all messages, including ones with people you intend to reject. However, my perspective changed when a female friend of mine showed me her pof mailbox. Now, she's an "average" looking girl and didn't have any revealing pictures of her on her profile. Needless to say, her mailbox was stuffed with messages from the past two days! It was not feasible for her to reply to all the messages she received, even from guys with good intentions.
As a guy, back when I did have a profile, I wouldn't get too many messages, unless they were replies from messages I sent. Because of that, I did respond to each one, be it to maintain interest in them or to reject them. Online dating is just so lopsided in terms of male to female ratio. It's why I stopped doing it.
Now, what I don't like are the women who say that they will reply back if you put substance into your message, but don't. Don't make promises or guarantees that you can't keep.
Ok so what did your "average" looking friend have on her profile?? I get hardly ANY messages on pof or OKC and cannot for the life of me figure out why not...I hear these myths of "average" looking girls getting 40 messages a day but I'm lucky if I get 1...
And in response to the OP...I don't reply to the ones I'm not interested in. For one thing, I never get responses from guys that aren't interested, so I figure they assume that no response=not interested. Plus, I've had a couple of guys get harassing after a reject email soooo yeh, not worth it!
If they are local and most of my criteria are present, I usually respond.
If they are from out of the country (Russia, Philippines, Mexico), then HELL NO.
I've done this thing about 3 times for 3- or 6-month increments because they kept lowering their offering price and found that it doesn't work. When you compare this venue to having met a spouse/mate in college or in your neighborhood, it's WORK! There were only TWO times that I was disappointed / borderline torqued that I didn't get a response. One was from an attractive Italian girl from northern NJ with a BBA/MBA who was bilingual and another one was a feminine schoolteacher in metro Houston who originated from Louisiana and appeared to have French Catholic roots.
I always responded even if not interested, if someone wrote something TO me (as opposed to just sending me their profile without a personal message). I just said something like "You seem like a great guy but I don't think we're a match. Best of luck to you".
I got many replies back thanking me for being honest. I always hated being ignored if I wrote someone, especially if I took the time and effort to write something personalized based on their profile, etc. so I don't like doing that to others. Plus I think it's plain good Karma to treat people as people.
Ok so what did your "average" looking friend have on her profile?? I get hardly ANY messages on pof or OKC and cannot for the life of me figure out why not...I hear these myths of "average" looking girls getting 40 messages a day but I'm lucky if I get 1...
And in response to the OP...I don't reply to the ones I'm not interested in. For one thing, I never get responses from guys that aren't interested, so I figure they assume that no response=not interested. Plus, I've had a couple of guys get harassing after a reject email soooo yeh, not worth it!
im assuming your a women. does your profile have a picture? if not thats the reason right there you get no responses if so is it a good picture or is it you hiding behind a tree or did you edit it to look like a negative or something crazy like that?
if your a women, have a few pictures and have actually filled out your profile i find it impossible to believe your not getting at least a half dozen responses a day if not more.
I used online matchmaking sites about 15 years ago for a few years. I didn't reply back to guys I wasn't interested in. 1. there were way too many emails for me to respond to and 2. I found that when I did try and be polite and respond, most guys took that as "she's interested because she responded" and then they wouldn't leave me alone.
I met my husband online. He wrote me twice, I didn't reply back. He didn't give up and wrote me a 3rd time. (He wasn't the only one to write me multiple times despite my not responding.) I can't recall exactly what he wrote, but it had to have been some funny, smart a$s comment that it was my last chance, because I wrote him back. The rest is history.
I always respond, unless the message is nasty. It may be to say thanks, but I don't think we're a match, or perhaps that we may not be a match, but perhaps could be friends. Usually there's no response to those messages, but it can develop nicely occasionally.
I used to think it was rude not to respond. But, then I would get the blatantly sexual comments that were rude, or I would respond politely and they would think it was encouragement to keep trying, or I would get called a sell-out or gold digger. Now, I just choose not to respond. I would rather they think that I am rude than deal with the nastiness from a few.
im assuming your a women. does your profile have a picture? if not thats the reason right there you get no responses if so is it a good picture or is it you hiding behind a tree or did you edit it to look like a negative or something crazy like that?
if your a women, have a few pictures and have actually filled out your profile i find it impossible to believe your not getting at least a half dozen responses a day if not more.
I am female, and I do have several photos posted. I suppose if I posted ones that showed my chest, I'd get a lot more responses, but since I want an actual relationship, I've chosen not to show any pictures like that.
Now, what I don't like are the women who say that they will reply back if you put substance into your message, but don't. Don't make promises or guarantees that you can't keep.
^^ You must know that will probably only be IF they feel an attraction to you. I mean, it's just brutal honesty. Yes I would like substance in a profile also, but that wont matter one wit If Im not attracted to your picture.
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The rest is history.
