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How do you know a guy is just not interested or potentially interested but still figuring out his feelings (so he's lukewarm but positive or taking things slow, or has intimacy issues or whatever)?
And more importantly, does that distinction even matter?
I had a situation where I met up with a guy, and it was pretty much a casual date. I was trying to figure out which category a particular guy fell in because while we definitely both had a lot of fun that evening, I think he seemed noncommittal afterwards.
I figured maybe he likes me but not enough--I don't mind, because I know it's early on and he's cool enough that I'd want to be friends with him at least. I asked him later on oh, what'd you think of dinner, etc? And I made it clear that I'd like to keep getting to know him and just continuing to keep things friendly, doing what we're currently doing. And he just started mumbling, oh, had a good time, we should do it again sometime (super flaky sounding)...you're a really nice person, and let's just see how things develop as they develop and then awkwardly had to go, saying "we'll be in touch" (again, another flaky comment). I figure he needs some space after that conversation.
If he just doesn't want to talk again PERIOD, I wish he'd just tell me that straight out. If he falls in that latter category, well, I think he's interesting enough I'd actually want to be friends with him even if nothing romantic comes out of it. But how am I supposed to tell the difference? I can't wait around forever.
I would still like to meet up with him, but I see him more as a new friend and need to look into other options for actual dating. I just don't know if guys really go on dates looking for new friend girls though.
I know I'm overanalyzing everything, but just had to get it out of my system somehow. Do noncommittal guys ever come around? Would appreciate any thoughts on this topic or situation....
How do you know a guy is just not interested or potentially interested but still figuring out his feelings (so he's lukewarm but positive or taking things slow, or has intimacy issues or whatever)?
And more importantly, does that distinction even matter?
I had a situation where I met up with a guy, and it was pretty much a casual date. I was trying to figure out which category a particular guy fell in because while we definitely both had a lot of fun that evening, I think he seemed noncommittal afterwards.
I figured maybe he likes me but not enough--I don't mind, because I know it's early on and he's cool enough that I'd want to be friends with him at least. I asked him later on oh, what'd you think of dinner, etc? And I made it clear that I'd like to keep getting to know him and just continuing to keep things friendly, doing what we're currently doing. And he just started mumbling, oh, had a good time, we should do it again sometime (super flaky sounding)...you're a really nice person, and let's just see how things develop as they develop and then awkwardly had to go, saying "we'll be in touch" (again, another flaky comment). I figure he needs some space after that conversation.
If he just doesn't want to talk again PERIOD, I wish he'd just tell me that straight out. If he falls in that latter category, well, I think he's interesting enough I'd actually want to be friends with him even if nothing romantic comes out of it. But how am I supposed to tell the difference? I can't wait around forever.
I would still like to meet up with him, but I see him more as a new friend and need to look into other options for actual dating. I just don't know if guys really go on dates looking for new friend girls though.
I know I'm overanalyzing everything, but just had to get it out of my system somehow. Do noncommittal guys ever come around? Would appreciate any thoughts on this topic or situation....
SLOW DOWN!! The more you push a guy into an answer about a commitment or no commitment, he is going to run. There is a period of time when couples get to know each other better and it won't happen if you are pushing him into more than he is ready to accept right now. Play a little hard to get. Sometimes men enjoy the chase more than being able to have you at his beck and call. Trust me as an old gal who has been married 3 times and is presently married to someone 10 years younger than me...stop pushing and when all is said in done if he just ends up being a good friend, what's the harm!
How do you know a guy is just not interested or potentially interested but still figuring out his feelings (so he's lukewarm but positive or taking things slow, or has intimacy issues or whatever)?
And more importantly, does that distinction even matter?
I had a situation where I met up with a guy, and it was pretty much a casual date. I was trying to figure out which category a particular guy fell in because while we definitely both had a lot of fun that evening, I think he seemed noncommittal afterwards.
I figured maybe he likes me but not enough--I don't mind, because I know it's early on and he's cool enough that I'd want to be friends with him at least. I asked him later on oh, what'd you think of dinner, etc? And I made it clear that I'd like to keep getting to know him and just continuing to keep things friendly, doing what we're currently doing. And he just started mumbling, oh, had a good time, we should do it again sometime (super flaky sounding)...you're a really nice person, and let's just see how things develop as they develop and then awkwardly had to go, saying "we'll be in touch" (again, another flaky comment). I figure he needs some space after that conversation.
If he just doesn't want to talk again PERIOD, I wish he'd just tell me that straight out. If he falls in that latter category, well, I think he's interesting enough I'd actually want to be friends with him even if nothing romantic comes out of it. But how am I supposed to tell the difference? I can't wait around forever.
I would still like to meet up with him, but I see him more as a new friend and need to look into other options for actual dating. I just don't know if guys really go on dates looking for new friend girls though.
I know I'm overanalyzing everything, but just had to get it out of my system somehow. Do noncommittal guys ever come around? Would appreciate any thoughts on this topic or situation....
You all only had one date, right? Lots of first dates do not work out.
His "mumbling" tells me he's not interested and doesn't quite know how to tell you. He should have never said "we'll be in touch" when he really didn't mean it.
SLOW DOWN!! The more you push a guy into an answer about a commitment or no commitment, he is going to run. There is a period of time when couples get to know each other better and it won't happen if you are pushing him into more than he is ready to accept right now. Play a little hard to get. Sometimes men enjoy the chase more than being able to have you at his beck and call. Trust me as an old gal who has been married 3 times and is presently married to someone 10 years younger than me...stop pushing and when all is said in done if he just ends up being a good friend, what's the harm!
Well, I wasn't asking for commitment - it was only the first date, I get that. I was just asking about what he thought. I can see how it seems a bit direct, but I really don't like feeling like I'm in limbo. I assume if a guy's interested in you romantically, he'll follow up quickly within a few days to a week. If he's still figuring things out and making things casual, when should you expect to hear from him? Just let him get back to you if/when he's ready?
I wish guys who aren't interested were just more direct instead of ignoring things or saying things they don't mean. If they don't know and are noncommittal, can't they just say they don't know? Dodging either question is a bit immature and inconsiderate (even if not intentional) in my opinion.
Red- these guys will stay that way until they meet a woman who makes them feel differently. Just becasue you want to be one of those, it won't make you one. In the end, the right combination will not leave one party wondering about these things.
Unfortunately, I have seen it happen where the urge for non-monogamy is so strong, even the best of women end up discarded for a "concept" or the fear that the grass will be greener.
Red- these guys will stay that way until they meet a woman who makes them feel differently. Just becasue you want to be one of those, it won't make you one. In the end, the right combination will not leave one party wondering about these things.
Unfortunately, I have seen it happen where the urge for non-monogamy is so strong, even the best of women end up discarded for a "concept" or the fear that the grass will be greener.
There is no magic formula and no one answer.
^ This is a really good post.
I wish I had realized that sooner when it came to past relationships...Wasted alot of time.
He'll change when he's 40, still single, Megan Fox hasn't shown up on his doorstep, he realizes he's going to die alone, is bald and getting fat, and should probably settle.
Honestly, I think people of both genders who act that way should just be dumped on an island somewhere so those of us who are adults can find someone without wasting our time on them.
I'm really tired of the crap games my generation likes to play. Why is it so hard to communicate?
He'll change when he's 40, still single, Megan Fox hasn't shown up on his doorstep, he realizes he's going to die alone, is bald and getting fat, and should probably settle.
Honestly, I think people of both genders who act that way should just be dumped on an island somewhere so those of us who are adults can find someone without wasting our time on them.
I'm really tired of the crap games my generation likes to play. Why is it so hard to communicate?
Not necessarily. I am 43, just dated a 54 year old man, very family oriented and marriage-minded. He got the same cold feet the younger ones do. He made comments like "But I don't feeeeeel 54..." Dude. You are. Wake up and let someone love you.
Not necessarily. I am 43, just dated a 54 year old man, very family oriented and marriage-minded. He got the same cold feet the younger ones do. He made comments like "But I don't feeeeeel 54..." Dude. You are. Wake up and let someone love you.
He just wants to play.
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