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I would say that my ex was kind of phony... I wouldn't call him a fraud, but he was fake in some ways. He often managed to give an impression of being something he wasn't, or not quite THAT thing anyway, and then he'd act all confused when people realized he wasn't and got upset with him about it. It seemed like he needed for people to have an impression of him being something more, but it was almost subconscious so he didn't quite realize he was doing it.
In the end, the gap between this public persona & his private, more real face become apparent to me. Calling him on these things (albeit in a concerned way, not an accusatory one) pretty much led to THE END. He couldn't deal with having to face the reality of himself....easier to run away from anyone or anything who proves to be a mirror. His history of denial, deluding himself, playing victim, and running away became apparent too.
I recovered by telling myself I dodged a bullet and then hearing the very same said to me by everyone else.
(figuratively/literally) and how did you recover from your pain?
AHHH HAAAA a post for me at last!! LOL. I am 64 years old and have been married 3X so I guess I have seen a few frauds in my life. My truest and biggest FRAUD was my first husband. Right after I married him back in the 60's someone managed to burst my bubble and tell me the only reason he married me was that "he felt it was time to be married and I looked like a good choice". Well...after professing profound love for me and charming me with his good looks and promise of a career in the Navy or perhaps within his field of training in the Navy, he moved me to Rhode Island and I got pregnant. There was NEVER any food in the house, there was no moral or physical support for me being pregnant, he didn't want my family around and THEN he started to drink, gamble and do drugs. We moved to CT for about 2 years and he took off on me and went down south with a friend of his..left me with his son and spent at least 3 days down there partying. I was furious and asked for a divorce. AGAIN..he is sorry, even cries and I at age 22 take his ass back..DUMB. Now, we think moving WAAAAAY up North is going to cure what "ails us" so off we go to the end of the earth in Northern Maine miles from my family and move in with his family. We purchase an old house (mess!!) and he buys a gas station, the only one in town and things are looking better. NOT! He is still drinking, doing drugs and NOW..he is chasing women and trust me there were a lot of those. He has already slept with his best friend's wife and more and is constantly drunk. Soon, my son is 11 years old and things are horrible. I have no heat, no running hot water, no money and AGAIN no food in the house and I am the only one working. Off he goes with another man's wife and leaves us alone in this mess of a house, miles from my family. This woman has also dumped her kids to be with this GEM. I had had ENOUGH. I took my last pay check, quit my job, packed my bags and my sons and blew out of there in my beat up Pontiac..as fast as I could go back to Connecticut and sanity. 11 years late, but nevertheless, here I am. Did it hurt?? Of course it did. He chose this blonde dunderhead over me, chose this blonde numbskull over his son which hurt more. He is and was a useless piece of crap who sponged off me for 11 years and anyone else who would GIVE him money he would take it. How did I get over it?? It took a while but when I thought of all this stuff he did, the hurt became determination. Here I am now with a beautiful grown son of 43 who has a beautiful home, beautiful wife and more. I remarried the first time in 1991 and by 1992 my 2nd husband was dead..heart attack. Stayed single for 6 more years then met my present husband who is PERFECT. You will heal. The forgetting is the tough part but thats life, I deal with that and thank God every day for my llfe now.
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