Lacking passion in a relationship (dating, girlfriend, girl, love)
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Last night, the girlfriend and I got into a fight, but turned it around and had a good discussion about some issues we are having. I told my girlfriend that she can be a bit of a control freak, can be selfish, and sometimes can say cruel things without thinking it through before she says it. She told me I am not as passionate as I was about 6 months ago. She says I need to touch her more, massage her feet, and more sex. When we began dating we clicked instantly, but made sure we took things as slow as possible. But because we both live in the same town, it was super easy to spend time with each other.
I think it partially backfired though because she took advantage of us living so close to each other, and always wanted me over. She'd get upset if I wanted some me-time, and would say things like, "ummmm.....ok? So when are you coming over?" which totally disregarded what I said. I agree that the spark has faded a bit. I noticed it happened in December of 2018 when my old job had me contracted out in NYC for 3 months. It put a huge strain on my relationship, because I'd be in Manhattan from Mon - Thurs, and would be home for 3 days, just to head back out. I tried spending as much time with her as possible but it was never enough for her. We fought a lot during those times, and she fell into a depression.
I thought things would pick back up once the contract ended, and it has, but she says it isn't enough. she can be a pain in the ass, but so can I, and she is a great girl and does love and care for me, and I do too. Has this ever happened to anyone? What did you do to restore that passion she says I am lacking? I don't want to lose her, but she said she is tired of rehashing this issue and said she is going to end it with me if we can't fix this.
Last night, the girlfriend and I got into a fight, but turned it around and had a good discussion about some issues we are having. I told my girlfriend that she can be a bit of a control freak, can be selfish, and sometimes can say cruel things without thinking it through before she says it. She told me I am not as passionate as I was about 6 months ago. She says I need to touch her more, massage her feet, and more sex. When we began dating we clicked instantly, but made sure we took things as slow as possible. But because we both live in the same town, it was super easy to spend time with each other.
I think it partially backfired though because she took advantage of us living so close to each other, and always wanted me over. She'd get upset if I wanted some me-time, and would say things like, "ummmm.....ok? So when are you coming over?" which totally disregarded what I said. I agree that the spark has faded a bit. I noticed it happened in December of 2018 when my old job had me contracted out in NYC for 3 months. It put a huge strain on my relationship, because I'd be in Manhattan from Mon - Thurs, and would be home for 3 days, just to head back out. I tried spending as much time with her as possible but it was never enough for her. We fought a lot during those times, and she fell into a depression.
I thought things would pick back up once the contract ended, and it has, but she says it isn't enough. she can be a pain in the ass, but so can I, and she is a great girl and does love and care for me, and I do too. Has this ever happened to anyone? What did you do to restore that passion she says I am lacking? I don't want to lose her, but she said she is tired of rehashing this issue and said she is going to end it with me if we can't fix this.
Honestly, it sounds like it's already over.
To me, this thing she's talking about is something that can't be "fixed." It's innate, and almost uncontrollable, and it can overcome stress and exhaustion and even anger. But it can't be manufactured.
Look, you two both know cognitively you have a problem, but neither one of you is going to magically change your personality. This is who you are, each of you, and unless you are the type of person who can stop and actively change your reactions and behavior midstream every time you're together, this is as good as it gets.
She should not be "falling into a depression" because of a fight. To me, that sounds like her conscience telling her she's in the wrong relationship. Not every great girl and great guy work together.
" I don't want to lose her, but she said she is tired of rehashing this issue and said she is going to end it with me if we can't fix this."
I think she might already have one foot out the door. Anytime anyone says they're leaving IF something isn't fixed, etc., they've already given a lot of thought to breaking up the relationship.
It's my opinion that at that point, you might as well help them pack and hold the door open for them to walk out.
To me, this thing she's talking about is something that can't be "fixed." It's innate, and almost uncontrollable, and it can overcome stress and exhaustion and even anger. But it can't be manufactured.
Look, you two both know cognitively you have a problem, but neither one of you is going to magically change your personality. This is who you are, each of you, and unless you are the type of person who can stop and actively change your reactions and behavior midstream every time you're together, this is as good as it gets.
She should not be "falling into a depression" because of a fight. To me, that sounds like her conscience telling her she's in the wrong relationship. Not every great girl and great guy work together.
Part of me is worrying that it's over. I do want to fight for her and really want to try to work on this with her. The depression came from me working in the city for those 3 months and barely being home, not from fighting. I am willing to work with her and find common ground if we can.
" I don't want to lose her, but she said she is tired of rehashing this issue and said she is going to end it with me if we can't fix this."
I think she might already have one foot out the door. Anytime anyone says they're leaving IF something isn't fixed, etc., they've already given a lot of thought to breaking up the relationship.
It's my opinion that at that point, you might as well help them pack and hold the door open for them to walk out.
She did say she has been thinking a lot about this, and she also said she doesn't want to lose me either.
Part of me is worrying that it's over. I do want to fight for her and really want to try to work on this with her. The depression came from me working in the city for those 3 months and barely being home, not from fighting. I am willing to work with her and find common ground if we can.
Nothing you've said about her in this or the grandma with dementia thread indicates that SHE is willing to find common ground, though, and that's poison for a relationship.
You're taking responsibility for HER emotions, and that won't work. It's not healthy. People have tough times. You should be able to work out of town for 3 months without her losing it. What will you do when y'all face real stress?
It sounds like you are willing to fight for a life of walking on eggshells and trying to keep her happy. That's a death sentence. Why settle?
Nothing you've said about her in this or the grandma with dementia thread indicates that SHE is willing to find common ground, though, and that's poison for a relationship.
You're taking responsibility for HER emotions, and that won't work. It's not healthy. People have tough times. You should be able to work out of town for 3 months without her losing it. What will you do when y'all face real stress?
It sounds like you are willing to fight for a life of walking on eggshells and trying to keep her happy. That's a death sentence. Why settle?
Yeah you're right, it does feel like I'm walking on eggshells with her. She hasn't had many relationships, but I know most of the guys were the ones that ended it with her. She has talked about past relationships, but with very little information. It makes me wonder if it's because she doesn't want me to know something about her.
Yeah you're right, it does feel like I'm walking on eggshells with her. She hasn't had many relationships, but I know most of the guys were the ones that ended it with her. She has talked about past relationships, but with very little information. It makes me wonder if it's because she doesn't want me to know something about her.
Nothing you've said about her in this or the grandma with dementia thread indicates that SHE is willing to find common ground, though, and that's poison for a relationship.
You're taking responsibility for HER emotions, and that won't work. It's not healthy. People have tough times. You should be able to work out of town for 3 months without her losing it. What will you do when y'all face real stress?
It sounds like you are willing to fight for a life of walking on eggshells and trying to keep her happy. That's a death sentence. Why settle?
The minute she snapped at my sister who is a nurse that works with memory care patients, I'd have gotten the next bus home.
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