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I have been married for 4 years and have 2 small children. When I first met my husband I knew he watched porn and it didn't bother me that much. I didn't like it but I overlooked it. Now as time has passed we have had many problems. My sex drive has decreased because I'm always so tired from working and the kids. His sex drive has seemed to go up.(we do it about once a week but I can't find any enjoyment in it anymore). He spends many hrs a day online and even sleeps in the guest room to be on his lap top all hrs of the night. I knew he was looking at porn and felt that it was effecting our relationship. He said this was a joke. He has to look at porn because I'm a "cold fish" since the kids. He also started drinking a lot and recently spent a month in rehab for alcohol and pills (his employers demand). When he got home I took the kids out of town to visit my parents for a "break" from all of the madness at home. When I came back home I had the rare chance to see the history on his computer when he left it open. I saw that he had been viewing "casual encounters" on craigslist and had also set up a profile on another casual sex site. Furious, I confronted him and he downplayed it as "just looking" and realized then he could never act on it. Since rehab he says he is trying to be perfect. Now he is up to his usual porn habit. All of this has hurt me so badly. We have been to therapy but he didn't take it seriously. He also said that going to his own personal therapy sounded like his "worst nightmare" and wont go. I don't know what to do. We can't communicate anymore. I am so depressed. Should I consider divorce?
I have been married for 4 years and have 2 small children. When I first met my husband I knew he watched porn and it didn't bother me that much. I didn't like it but I overlooked it. Now as time has passed we have had many problems. My sex drive has decreased because I'm always so tired from working and the kids. His sex drive has seemed to go up.(we do it about once a week but I can't find any enjoyment in it anymore). He spends many hrs a day online and even sleeps in the guest room to be on his lap top all hrs of the night. I knew he was looking at porn and felt that it was effecting our relationship. He said this was a joke. He has to look at porn because I'm a "cold fish" since the kids. He also started drinking a lot and recently spent a month in rehab for alcohol and pills (his employers demand). When he got home I took the kids out of town to visit my parents for a "break" from all of the madness at home. When I came back home I had the rare chance to see the history on his computer when he left it open. I saw that he had been viewing "casual encounters" on craigslist and had also set up a profile on another casual sex site. Furious, I confronted him and he downplayed it as "just looking" and realized then he could never act on it. Since rehab he says he is trying to be perfect. Now he is up to his usual porn habit. All of this has hurt me so badly. We have been to therapy but he didn't take it seriously. He also said that going to his own personal therapy sounded like his "worst nightmare" and wont go. I don't know what to do. We can't communicate anymore. I am so depressed. Should I consider divorce?
If he is setting up profiles and doesn't want to continue counseling, I'd say it's time to call it a day. Saying he is trying to be perfect is another way of saying he is going to fail, because no one can be perfect.
I have been married for 4 years and have 2 small children. When I first met my husband I knew he watched porn and it didn't bother me that much. I didn't like it but I overlooked it. Now as time has passed we have had many problems. My sex drive has decreased because I'm always so tired from working and the kids. His sex drive has seemed to go up.(we do it about once a week but I can't find any enjoyment in it anymore). He spends many hrs a day online and even sleeps in the guest room to be on his lap top all hrs of the night. I knew he was looking at porn and felt that it was effecting our relationship. He said this was a joke. He has to look at porn because I'm a "cold fish" since the kids. He also started drinking a lot and recently spent a month in rehab for alcohol and pills (his employers demand). When he got home I took the kids out of town to visit my parents for a "break" from all of the madness at home. When I came back home I had the rare chance to see the history on his computer when he left it open. I saw that he had been viewing "casual encounters" on craigslist and had also set up a profile on another casual sex site. Furious, I confronted him and he downplayed it as "just looking" and realized then he could never act on it. Since rehab he says he is trying to be perfect. Now he is up to his usual porn habit. All of this has hurt me so badly. We have been to therapy but he didn't take it seriously. He also said that going to his own personal therapy sounded like his "worst nightmare" and wont go. I don't know what to do. We can't communicate anymore. I am so depressed. Should I consider divorce?
Grow a spine - your kids need ONE parent with their act together. He needs to address this addiction or get out of the home. He already has no respect for you, so don't expect that to change until you can respect yourself enough to demand better of him.
Yep. The porn would have to go!
However, it sounds like you both need a break from the everyday ho-hum.
Is it possible that the two of you could plan a getaway, without the kids for a few days or so?
Does he not offer to help with the kids? (Obviously not, if he is hid away in the other room.) It sounds like you need a break!
Maybe it would do you both some good, to get away. It would give you both a chance to talk about your problems, and see if this is something you both can fix.
1. Are you going with him?
2. It started as casual viewing to fill in sexual gaps, now it's an addiction?
Kids put a strain on any good relationship usually. I know mine wouldn't have split up twice for couseling if I or my brother had not been there. Just the way it is, they require a crapload of attention, strain your energy and patience levels..
My advise without knowing any of the further details would be to coerce if possible him to go WITH you. As this isn't just some drug addiction he got because he experimented with some friend on a friday night. It's an issue that developed because he probably felt neglected sexually, and still wished to remain faithful without communicating his needs in an adult manner, possibly.
Same for you, you need to assess if your lack of sexual wanting is simply because your lack of drive, rest, or simply because you now feel hurt.
Leaving after 2 kids and a generally happy 4 yrs together this early on seems, no way to put this very nicely...cuckoo for coa-coa puffs-ish.
*IF* it were me, I'd try to exhaust every means including staying with the parents for a few months until he wished to discuss it further before considering ending vows you swore to.
Man, what's the problem? A guy needs his fix. She has stated that she doesn't want it anymore. I know the ole 'make her feel beautiful' routine. That might work. Or just let her go on her not wanting sex ways and let him revert to porn for his needed release. Yes, the issue is far more deeper than that, but to say end a marriage WITH children just because one looks at porn is rediculous. IF he is serious about the just looking. Heck, he's probably unhappy as well. Hence the drinking. If I had to hope for the once a week sex bit which might or might not happen, I'd have a beer in one hand, something else in the other, and lesbian action on my monitor. Maybe the wife could learn to watch it with him? But again...my only point is if he is just looking at porn is not a good reason to get a divorce. Especially if you have kids.
Bigger issue than the porn here. C'mon now he was advertsing for casual sex, but claims he had no intention on acting on it, I highly doubt that.
+1 to this....I don't believe for a second he was "just looking" on the casual encounters sites. He has either cheated already or planning on it soon. He said he was "just looking" because he got caught!
Even before the OP mentioned the casual encounters, I was thinking this guy was into more than just porn....staying in the guest room on the laptop all night was the tip-off. There is only so much porn you can surf!
I have been married for 4 years and have 2 small children. When I first met my husband I knew he watched porn and it didn't bother me that much. I didn't like it but I overlooked it. Now as time has passed we have had many problems. My sex drive has decreased because I'm always so tired from working and the kids. His sex drive has seemed to go up.(we do it about once a week but I can't find any enjoyment in it anymore). He spends many hrs a day online and even sleeps in the guest room to be on his lap top all hrs of the night. I knew he was looking at porn and felt that it was effecting our relationship. He said this was a joke. He has to look at porn because I'm a "cold fish" since the kids. He also started drinking a lot and recently spent a month in rehab for alcohol and pills (his employers demand). When he got home I took the kids out of town to visit my parents for a "break" from all of the madness at home. When I came back home I had the rare chance to see the history on his computer when he left it open. I saw that he had been viewing "casual encounters" on craigslist and had also set up a profile on another casual sex site. Furious, I confronted him and he downplayed it as "just looking" and realized then he could never act on it. Since rehab he says he is trying to be perfect. Now he is up to his usual porn habit. All of this has hurt me so badly. We have been to therapy but he didn't take it seriously. He also said that going to his own personal therapy sounded like his "worst nightmare" and wont go. I don't know what to do. We can't communicate anymore. I am so depressed. Should I consider divorce?
Ummmmmmmmmm, the porn is not even a problem considering everything else you mentioned Does this guy beat you, too? How about your children?
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) It sounds like you need a break!
Does this guy beat you, too? How about your children?
