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We've been married for 12 years and it's been 4 months since finding out about his affair. I'm hurt and he's been showing remorse but at the same time I'm having trouble dealing with this.
I'm guilty of the same thing but only this was way before we got married and I was a then naivee 19 year-old who got drunk that day (now I'm 34). Till this day he's still unaware and don't know if I should even mention it. Or should I focus on his cheating esp. when he did it more than once for several months and would still be going on if I had never found out.
If it still bothers you and you feel guilty about it, then you should talk about it. It is a big difference in what you did and what your hubby did, but if you guys are trying to work this out, this is likely your best chance to clear your conscience. Best of luck, i wouldnt put up with a cheater for even a minute, but then again Ive never been married.
We've been married for 12 years and it's been 4 months since finding out about his affair. I'm hurt and he's been showing remorse but at the same time I'm having trouble dealing with this.
I'm guilty of the same thing but only this was way before we got married and I was a then naivee 19 year-old who got drunk that day (now I'm 34). Till this day he's still unaware and don't know if I should even mention it. Or should I focus on his cheating esp. when he did it more than once for several months and would still be going on if I had never found out.
As for your cheating on him: It's been 15 years. The only reason to bring it up is to hurt him with ancient history, and undermine what little fragile trust there is between you. Is that really what you want to do right now?
As for his cheating on you: That problem is here in the present. That's a situation you can change, if you want.
We've been married for 12 years and it's been 4 months since finding out about his affair. I'm hurt and he's been showing remorse but at the same time I'm having trouble dealing with this.
I'm guilty of the same thing but only this was way before we got married and I was a then naivee 19 year-old who got drunk that day (now I'm 34). Till this day he's still unaware and don't know if I should even mention it. Or should I focus on his cheating esp. when he did it more than once for several months and would still be going on if I had never found out.
So you are going to let him suffer and beat himself up over this and you get off scott free?
In my opinion, you need to tell him. You are BOTH wrong. Your offense isn't any less wrong because it was years ago, you were drunk and naive. You are just trying to convince yourself of that. It does not matter how long his affair went on for...the only difference here is that he never found out about yours. So you are a better liar, congratulations.
I don't know how to really handle this situation, but both of you are wrong.
You for cheating and with holding information from your spouse for 19 yeas or more, and he for cheating on you recently for however long he had the affair.
IMO both of you come clean and get it all out on the table, ad possibly seek some help because he's going to have all kinds of emtions erupting.
We've been married for 12 years and it's been 4 months since finding out about his affair. I'm hurt and he's been showing remorse but at the same time I'm having trouble dealing with this.
I'm guilty of the same thing but only this was way before we got married and I was a then naivee 19 year-old who got drunk that day (now I'm 34). Till this day he's still unaware and don't know if I should even mention it. Or should I focus on his cheating esp. when he did it more than once for several months and would still be going on if I had never found out.
What happens before marriage stays before marriage. You did not cheat.
Your only concern now is what you want to do with the marriage.
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